Top Ten List - Worst Films of 2008

10. The Spirit - I would like to thank Robert Rodriguez for getting us into this mess. If he hadn't made Frank Miller feel like a director while making Sin City, then none of us would have had to sit through the holy boring mess that is The Spirit. Not only is the script absolutely ridiculous but also the acting is terrible. And I know they are trying to be over the top... they can't even succeed at that! There may be a scarce few times that humor seeps through but overall this movie is so boring and so messy and so poorly directed and so... bad, that those few times and that solid cast can't save anything. So, thanks Robert Rodriguez. You owe me 10 dollars.

09. Jumper - The basis of Jumper may not have necessarily been a bad idea. But it doesn't matter how promising the idea if the movie is so poorly executed. The worst thing about the whole movie? Hayden Christensen is a terrible actor. Also, Rachel Bilson should not be the leading lady in any movies. They made Sam Jackson look cartoonish (and that's saying a lot based on his later performance in The Spirit... maybe Sam Jackson is just turning into a cartoon... I don't know.) There's no development to the story. And there's going to be a sequel apparently? Help us all.

08. One Missed Call - One Missed Call is this intelligent socioeconomic think piece about the way instant technology is slowly destroying our communication skills with each other on a purely humane level. Or... it's just a really shitty horror movie starring some pretty people who become annoying really quick. Shannyn Sossamon (I loved you once...) stars as a young co-ed who has to battle evil spirits who travel from cell phone to cell phone. If they call your cell phone... then you die! Can you say scary? No, you can't. Because it's not. At all. Not even a little bit.

07. The Eye - What a cliche ridden, badly directed, badly acted, boring, un-scory, rip off of everything in the horror genre! I don't expect much from Jessica Alba. Basically she just needs to sit there and look pretty because we know she's not winning any awards with her talent. She barely even gets that right here. There's no tension. There's no suspense. There's no thrills. There's no terror. There isn't even any atmosphere! How can you make a "horror" movie with no atmosphere! All I have to say is - Why Parker Posey, why?

06. The Love Guru - Mike Meyers is not funny. Not even a little bit. Also, we all know how I feel about Jessica Alba at this point. Why retread any of it. I can't even remember why Dane and I went to see this movie... probably so we'd have something to put on our worst list!

05. 88 Minutes - Why Al Pacino, why? I don't even know what to say about this mess. First of all, yes, it's called 88 Minutes and it runs for almost two hours. I'm fine with that. There is a deeper meaning to the phrase "88 minutes." I use the term "deeper" very, very loosely. I mean, if you can call "lame filler back story" deep, then sure. Why not. The supporting cast is terrible. The script is terrible. The big outcome twist is apparent to anyone with half a brain. And, really, why, Al Pacino? Why? Do you feel because you're old now, you can coast through life on being AL PACINO. You can't! Make good movies, goddammit!

04. Shutter - Can I be honest? I don't even remember what this movie is about, per se. I remember Pacey from Dawson's Creek tries to take a stab at "serious acting." (He fails). I remember it being a "creepy ghost story." (It fails). And I remember it being TERRIBLE.

03. You Don't Mess with the Zohan - Not even close to being funny. Actually, it's borderline offensive. Adam Sandler is NOT funny. I repeat, Adam Sandler is NOT funny. Stop making movies, please. You have enough money. Leave me alone.

02. 10,000 B.C. - I don't even know what more to say. This movie is just bland and terrible. It's mild and boring where it should be bold and wild. It's plagued by weak dialogue and even weaker characters. Even the special effects were inconsistant at best. The acting is terrible. Basically everything about it is terrible.

01. Speed Racer - Honestly, it's probably not the worst movie of the year. However, it is the most disappointing. I was actually excited (though with reservations, of course) about this movie. The cast was amazing - Emile Hirsch! Christina Ricci! Susan Sarandon! John Goodman! These people do no wrong in my book. The movie looks pretty spectacular, I'll give it that. Spectacular in a sort of hyper colorful cotton candy way that is cool for about ten minutes before it makes you feel so dizzy that you feel it might make you sick. The plot itself goes from serious to over the top to campy to ridiculous without any rhyme or reason. These characters, at the core, are cartoons. And that's fine. Then make an animated movie. The movie may have been a good idea on paper but somewhere along the line it turned into a crazy, out of control, so bright it hurts your eyes carnival. Throw in an annoying little kid and a monkey and this movie is just a disaster. It was the first movie in a very long time that I wanted to walk out of. Don't worry Emile - I still love you!