Horrorfest (4 of 8)

Penny Dreadful - The key word here is dreadful. The only reason this movie doesn't get a big, fat F is because the killer's appearance is atually fairly creepy. Of course, the movie itself is an absolute mess. What we have is what could have been a nicely done 20 minute short that was extended into an hour and forty minutes for no discernable reason other than to make money. The main character, Penny (Rachel Miner - there's a reason she never became famous even with the potential she showed in Bully), has a phobia of cars, which is actually something I can relate to. Still, it's not a scary/interesting/good concept for a movie. She and her therapist (Mimi Rogers - there's a reason she never became as famous as Tom Cruise's OTHER ex-wife) drive and talk and drive and talk and drive and talk and just when you think they can't drive or talk anymore, guess what? They drive and talk! Then, in the middle of nowhere, they hit a creepy hitchhiker. Apparently they never saw The Hitcher because there preferred method is not to drive a safe distance and call the police, but rather pick him up and give him a ride... in the middle of the night... in the middle of nowhere. I'm sorry but some characters are just so stupid, they deserve to die. Don't bother with this terrible, terrible movie.
Grade: D-

The Gravedancers - The first positive thing I can say about this movie is that it's far superior to Penny Dreadful... but that doesn't take much. The story is about a group of college friends who reunite after several years for the funeral of one of their pals. After a night of drinking, they return to the cemetary and end up finding a weird letter which urges them, as a celebration of life, to dance on graves. This, of course, wakes up some angry ghosts, who were murderers before their deaths, and who, of course, decide to haunt the friends. The script is a bit problematic, a bit corny and it turns way too supernatural for my liking in the last 20 minutes or so. The characters are a bit underdeveloped. The script constantly hints at things that are left unexplained. However, the movie does suceed in creating a nice, creepy atmosphere and does have a few creepy moments. When the film works, it's a chilling ghost story. But the end, when the movie becomes a silly supernatural thriller starring 'Ghostzilla,' it falters terribly.
Grade: C+

The Hamiltons - Just when I thought all of the Horrorfest movies might just suck, along comes a nice little film called The Hamiltons. I've learned not to expect too much from the Horrorfest movies but when I learned it was directed by a couple of dudes who call themselves 'The Butcher Brothers,' I couldn't help but get a little excited. I mean, if people call themselves 'The Butcher Brothers,' they have to have good horror vision, right? Actually, and kind of surprisingly, yes. The Hamiltons follows a group of creepy siblings trying to fend for themselves after their parents die. I'll admit the acting wasn't the greatest (especially the sister) but that almost adds to the movie. It's got a sort of 'making a movie with my friends on my Dad's borrowed/stolen camera' vibe and it actually kind of works. It's a slow burner of a movie but the end is totally worth sitting through the whole movie (even if it drags a bit from time to time). Still, The Hamiltons is a wonderfully creative way of retelling and reimagining a classic horror story. I won't give anymore away because, if you are going to see one Horrorfest movie, this should be it.

Grade: B

Wicked Little Things - Of all things, this movie makes me worry about the Halloween remake. I have been a staunch defender of the Halloween remake. I mean, I love Halloween but if someone has to remake it then I'm glad it's Rob Zombie. Based on interviews I've read with him, I think he has a great vision for the film. Then I hear that he casts Taylor Scout-Compton in the titular role of Laurie Strode. I only know her really as the girl who ran away from home a few years ago. Whatever. I've never really seen her in any movies. Until Wicked Little Things. Let me tell you this, homegirl must have graduated from the school of OVERACTING. I'm worried. Because I don't think this whiny, annoying, bad actor can fill the shoes of the one and only Jamie Lee Curtis. I'm really worried. But, before I go on even more of a Halloween rant, let me tell you that Taylor Scout-Compton had little to work with. The script for Wicked Little Things was really terrible. A widow packs up her two kids (an angsty annoying teenager and a precocious 8 year old with a habit of leaving the house and walking into the woods at 4 in the morning) and goes and lives in the middle of nowhere (this time, the woods on Pennsylvania - Holla!). Already I feel like screaming because I've seen this all before. A dozen times. While there, they start to learn that there was a huge mine disaster a hundred years ago and now all the small children who died in the mine stalk the land at night killing people. The locals call them zombies. Except, they can't really be zombies, you know. They survive on blood so are they vampires? I think ghosts is a more accurate description. One character refers to them as zombie-ghosts. You can't really be a zombie and a ghost. You are either a zombie or a ghost. Not both, you know. Are you going to tell a story about some ghosts or a story about some zombies. Make up your mind and then tell your story. Still, the story is terrible, the acting is terrible and for being a Horrorfest movie that is 'too scary for theaters' there wasn't one thing that could be constrewed as scary or even relatively creepy. Just when you think there can't be anything worse than Penny Dreadful... there is this.

Grade: F