21, Leatherheads, The Ruins, Horrorfest

21 - The glitz! The glamour! The pretty, young things! It must be a gambling flick set in Las Vegas! 21 tells the semi-true story of a bunch of MIT geniuses who decide to use their math abilities for evil and not good - they take up counting cards and spend their weekends in hot and steamy Vegas instead of cold and snowy Boston and take the casinos for lots and lots of money. Because, you know, it's not enough that these kids be smarter than everyone else - they also have to be richer than everyone else and (for the movie's sake, at least) hotter than everyone else. The young leads of the film are Jim Sturgess and Kate Bosworth - and that's a problem. Sure, they are both young and pretty and they look great making doe eyes at each other. However, neither are exceptionally great actors. I mean, Sturgess is charming and good-looking but I think he only has two expressions - wide eyed innocence and angry greed. Bosworth knows she's pretty and knows she'll continue to get acting jobs so it seems she's content with doing the minimum required of her. So, the two leads leave all the heavy lifting to the big names in the cast - Kevin Spacey and Laurence Fishburn. They are both game for the challenge. Fishburn plays the same character he's been playing for at least the last ten years. Not that there is anything wrong with that. There's no one else I would want as my tough talking, moral yet sneaky, kick your ass if you cross me black man. Then there's Spacey. He's returned to form here. It's disappointing that he won the Best Actor Oscar for American Beauty which then put him in this habit of playing moral leading men. Kevin Spacey was never and will never be a leading man. He's much too interesting and too talented. He's at his best when he's playing different degrees of evil. His character here, the professor who starts the whole card counting club, isn't evil, per se. But he is a snarky sort of cynical sort of smartass. And there is absolutely no one that does snarky, cynical or smartass quite like Spacey. And so, Spacey is an absolute joy to watch. Director Robert Luketic wants to be Martin Scorsese while filming Casino but he's not. Instead he makes a shallow, glitzy, shiny, fun movie. And sometimes it's more than enough to be shallow and fun. This isn't a movie that wants to change your life. If you ignore the fact that it sometimes plays off as a vacation commercial for Las Vegas (has Las Vegas looked this much fun lately?!) and that the plot holes are the size of the Grand Canyon at times, then you'll surely enjoy the film.
Grade: C+


Leatherheads - File this one under 'wasted opportunity.' Director and star George Clooney does a decent job of creating a certain kind of atmosphere - jazz and football circa the 1920s. But good atmosphere can only get you so far. The story surrounds the beginning of professional football as we know it in 1925. Clooney stars as Dodge Connelly, the player / manager / public relations spinner of the Duluth Bulldogs, a rag tag group of guys who have never played a clean game in their life. But damn it if they aren't fun! After funding runs out on their league, Dodge gets the brilliant idea to recruit Princeton star and supposed war hero The Bullet (John Krasinski). At the time, recruiting college players was unheard of and Dodge's decisions will forever change the face of football. Enter Renee Zellweger to play Lexie Littleton a sassy little journalist who livens things up a bit. Now the major problem. The movie is boring as hell! For all that atmosphere, all that charm, all the zingy one liners and nice costumes - it never really goes anywhere. There is something that just doesn't click. The script is decent enough. The acting is solid enough. The directing is solid enough. It just doesn't work. I love slapstick comedy as a genre but something about everything coming together just doesn't click. Clooney and Zellweger fancy themselves Grant and Hepburn from Bringing Up Baby. They are not. If I had to pick a best performance, however, I'd go with Zellweger. She's been pretty hit or miss for me lately but this movie actually reminded me why I, at one time, loved her so. The role is really perfect for her. There hasn't been a more perfect role for her since Bridget Jones. She's got that face and that attitude and it looks like she really did belong in the 1920s. Clooney and Krasinski are both charming, funny guys. This movie should have been something pretty great. Instead, it just plays as a boring disappointment.
Grade: D+

The Ruins - Here's the thing: The Ruins isn't a bad movie by any means. As far as modern day horror movies goes, it's one of the better ones. While it's not for everyone and it's not nearly as good as the masterpieces it pays homage to, those who appreciate the horror genre will probably find the movie to be enjoyable at the very least. It's a little disturbing and graphic (which doesn't bother me but will surely upset some people... like the woman sitting a few rows behind me who apparently never saw a horror movie in her entire life) and a little cliched. The film moves along at a fast pace. It's got a short running time and a bunch of young actors who are hot AND can act (imagine that!). The thing I think I liked most about it is that the characters actually do things that a normal person would probably do in the given situation. (And this is a rarity in horror films!). There are a few really intense and solid scenes. Of course, there are a few not so great scenes as well. The acting is all believable (Jena Malone and Jonathan Tucker are the stars but Laura Ramsey steals the show). I'm not exactly sure that there is a great plot in there and I'm not exactly sure I loved everything about what they found when they got to the ruins but I didn't hate it enough to not recommend this film. It's not a great movie but it's definitely fun for people who are sick of watered down, cheap, lousy horror movies.
Grade: C
[For the record: this would have gotten a C+ but I absolutely hated the ending... especially after finding out what the ending of the book is... they really, really, really should have thought a little longer about keeping the ending the same.]

Mulberry Street - I know I've used the phrase "Worst Movie Ever Made" more than once on this blog but this time I'm serious. I mean, it's about Rat People, for Christ's sake. So, seriously, stay far away from this lousy, terrible, awful movie.
Grade: F

Stop Loss, Horrorfest, April Movie Preview + more...

Stop Loss - It's been a long time since Kimberly Peirce has graced us with her presence. She, of course, made the amazing Boys Don't Cry way back in 1999 (that movie is the single reason why I still even bother with Hillary Swank). Well, it was worth the wait. She's back with Stop Loss, a gritty, powerful war film that is more about characters and friendships than politics and George Bush. Peirce could have easily taken the easy way out and made a film full of propaghanda and extreme liberal thinking. Instead she made a smart film with no real political agenda. It doesn't glamourize desertion. It's not anti-war. Instead, it focuses on the men who volunteered to fight for our country. This is a movie about soldiers and, if anything, it respects them immensely. The story follows two childhood friends serving together in Iraq - Brandon King (Ryan Phillippe) and Steve Shriver (Channing Tatum). They arrive back in Texas after their tour ends with friend Tommy Burgess (Joseph Gordon-Levitt who is absolutely Oscar worthy - more on him later). All starts well with a night of drinking and dancing. Steve is excited to get back to his fiancee Michelle (Abbie Cornish) but soon drunken fun turns into fights. After that, King learns he has been stop lossed. Instead of being released from the service as his contract states, he is being sent back to Iraq thanks to a clause in the finest of print. This doesn't exactly make him happy and he chooses to fight it instead of go back to war. He figures he's done fighting for his country. He did his job and now it's the armies turn to live up to their side of the agreement. And guess what? You can't really argue that he's wrong. The film is absolutely solid and riveting. It meanders a bit for my taste. I would have prefered much more time with the great ensemble of characters instead of focusing so heavily on Phillippe and Cornish as they cross state lines to try to get answers and help. The acting is all top notch. Phillippe, who is usually very hit or miss for me, is superb and does some very emotional, gritty work. War films usually leave very little for women to work with but Cornish does a great job of playing a woman trying to deal with her fiancee seemingly choosing war over her. Tatum is amazing as well. (I just need to say this - as a film fanatic, I want to thank Kimberly Peirce for this movie, but as a woman, I want to thank Kimberly Peirce for the scene of Tatum digging a foxhole in his underwear). It's tiring to hear people complain that Tatum can't act. Clearly, they haven't seen A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints. And they can't really say that after seeing this movie either. He doesn't have the biggest role but he does wonders with what he has to work with. Then there's Gordon-Levitt. I think it's pretty clear how I feel about him. He's, hands down, the best actor under thirty (forty, even, maybe). He's done increasingly impressive work ever since Manic. His performance here is really amazing. He gives layers and layers of rage that can only be hinted at on a page. He plays an alcoholic who enjoys target practice with the marriage presents he and his wife (Mamie Gummer) recently recieved. He's a little bit funny, a little bit tragic and just plain outstanding. His final scene is riveting. In the hands of a lesser actor, his character could have been completely forgettable but instead, Gordon-Levitt has instead created the perfect picture of a haunted and tormented soul. His performance is amazing and the movie is really the first truly good verging on great film of 2008.
Grade: B+

Wristcutters: A Love Story - Now this is my kind of movie! It's a unique and original idea - people who commit suicide and end up in a place that is just like life only worse. It stars Patrick Fugit and Shannyn Sossoman. It's wacky and enjoyable and quirky and funny and a little depressing but mostly uplifting. It's not exactly groundbreaking or anything but it does serve as a reminder that sometimes you can find beauty in the strangest of places.
Grade: B+

Horrorfest 2008 continues...
Tooth and Nail - I hope I haven't peaked so soon. Last year it took me until near the end of my run to find The Hamiltons and so I appreciated it all the more. I really hope Tooth and Nail isn't the best Horrorfest 2008 has to offer. I mean, it's good compared to the rest of the crap they churn out but it's nothing fantastic. It's a solid 'end of the world' story (I've been watching a lot of those lately) and has it's creepy moments, for sure. It stars Rider Strong and Rachel Miner as a group of survivors during the apocolypse who hide in a hospital to fend off evil cannibal rovers led by the great but underused Michael Madsen. It's interesting how this movie chose to have the world end. Not by war or virus or bacteria. We simply run out of oil. And guess what? That's totally believable to me. The acting is mediocre and the writing is too. It's cheesy at times and a little over the top. Still, for what it's worth, it's not a bad little horror movie.
Grade: C+
Lake Dead - And then there's this... It's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Lake Placid meets The Hills Have Eyes meets some random soft core porn all done by a hack with little talent. And that's putting it nicely. Even mentioning two of those movie titles in the same paragraph with 'Lake Dead' makes me a little sick to my stomach. There is no originality, no style, no substance, no scares, nothing. I just... there's nothing really more to say. It's not getting an F just because there were times when I thought it could possibly be one of those 'so bad it's good' horror movies but it never even gets to that point. Sad.
Grade: D-


April Movie Preview...
April 4
Leatherheads stars George Clooney, Jim from the Office (ha) and Renee Zellweger. Two out of three ain't bad, I guess. Then there is The Ruins. This one has me interested. At face value it looks like just another cheesy horror movie. However, starring Jena Malone never really hurt any movie. Then there is the fact that it's based on a totally rad book. Makes things a little more interesting, now doesn't it? Now that Martin Scorsese has won his Oscar, he can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants... like make a concert film about the Rolling Stones called Shine a Light. I'd pretty much see anything Scorsese made, even if it was a movie about dentists drilling teeth or something.

April 9
Young @ Heart opens in limited release and looks so fricking great I can barely stand it.

April 11
All I can say about Prom Night is - what are these people thinking with the horror movie remakes? Still, I'll probably see it just so I can complain about how people don't have original ideas anymore and they have to taint the name of great original horror movies and no one can make a good horror movie anymore and blah, blah blah. Smart People stars Sarah Jessica Parker (who is NOT the unsexiest woman in the world and I don't care what some stupid magazine says) and Ellen Page. Two of my favorite people together in a movie? You know I wanna see it!

April 18
Al Pacino is BACK in 88 Minutes, a movie about a professor whose life is threatened after he maybe helps lock up the wrong man in a series of murders. It may be cheesy or it may be great. I'm not decided how I feel about it yet. Then there is Forgetting Sarah Marshall which is Judd Apatow's next chance to actually win me over to the dark side. By the way, Mila Kunis > Kristen Bell. Oh, and Bill Hader!!

April 25
Amy Poehler and Tina Fey may be a match made in heaven in Baby Mama. Or it may turn out like The Brothers Solomon, a similarly plotted film that looked great on paper but not so much on film. Deception stars Michelle Williams, Ewan McGregor and Hugh Jackman. I'm not entirely sure what it's about but the cast looks great! Then there is Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo. Yep. You heard me.

The Bank Job, Doomsday, Miss Pettigrew, Horrorfest 2 begins...

The Bank Job - In a year where I've only given one movie above a D+, The Bank Job is a welcomed film. It's not fantastic, per se, but it is, at the very least, enjoyable. It stars Jason Statham and Saffron Burrows and tells the (allegedly) true story about a bunch of small time crooks who are duped into robbing one of the most famous banks in London. You see, some very important people want to get to the contents of a certain safe deposit box. The best way to do that, you ask? Get criminals to break in, of course! I have no idea how much of this movie is actually true. Most of it seems hard to believe. Still, the movie is a mostly well done heist film. When you get over the fact that you can't understand half of the things these people with heavy British accents say, then you can mostly enjoy the film. It's fun and funny. It has a lot of action and it's well thought out. I can do without the Hollywood ending. That is what I find most unbelievable about the entire story. It's not a great movie by any means but in this crappy year of movies, it's one of the better ones.
Grade: C+


Doomsday - Doomsday is from the director of The Descent, a movie that came out a few years ago that everyone loved and I hated. It stars Rhona Mitra, Bob Hoskins, the fantastic Malcolm McDowell, and the extras from the Dr. Dre / Tupac video for California Love. It's a little bit fun, sure. It's a little bit ridiculous (and I always mean that in the best sense of the word), sure. But it's also a lot cliched. It's sort of like those really bad movies like Date Movie and Superhero Movie and Epic Movie... except Doomsday plays it completely straight. I know a lot of people loved his previous film, The Descent, but I did not. So I didn't go in giving him the benefit of the doubt. It was an overblown, unneccesary film. It has a terrible script and uses solid actors (McDowell, Hoskins) very badly. So, at least come up with an original idea! Instead it rips off everything from Mad Max to Escape to New York and Resident Evil. Doomsday doesn't pay homage to these movies. Instead it is a mash up of much better movies clumped up into one huge mess. Also, if anyone could tell me what the hell was up with the Scottish castle? Yes, the movie also gets a little Gladiator at one point. If you like good acting, great scripts, character development, originality, thrills and suspense... then skip this movie.
Grade: D

Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day - Now, this movie isn't bad at all. It's cute (sometimes a little too cute, courtesy of Amy Adams... we'll get to that in a minute). It's a little bit fun and mostly well written and well done. Plus, it stars one of the greatest actresses working today and someone who has the possiblity to be one of the great actresses - Frances McDormand and Amy Adams, respectively. If anything, this movie is best described as a missed opportunity. It could have been more clever and funnier and just all together tighter. McDormand is fine in her role. Adams is cutesy... and I'm starting to have a problem with that. Amy Adams is cute. Yes, I know. She's nearly as cute as a kitten or a bunny or something. Still, when I watch her I'm beginning to get the feeling that I've seen it all before. In Junebug, she was cute. In Enchanted, she was cute. In this, she was cute. I mean, she's a great actress... but it's time to do something different! I want to see her play a serial killer or a child molester or a hooker or something (and not a cutesy Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman hooker either). I still have hope for her though. I will reserve my final judgments until after Doubt which comes out later this year. I believe she has range and can do darker, more serious things... I just need to see it. The movie is very hit or miss but it's great to see McDormand on screen again. She hasn't really had a juicy role since Fargo. Since then she's just been playing mothers and sisters and friends. I know she's a character actress but so is Johnny Depp and he's a huge star so why can't McDormand be as well? In the end, the movie is decent and at times enjoyable. However, it is missing one very important element - heart. Everyone seems to be going through the motions and nothing ever really connects with the audience. It's a shame because this movie could have been something much more and much better.
Grade: C-

Horrorfest 2
Nightmare Man - Ugh. If this is any indication of how Horrorfest 2.0 is going to go then I think I'll change my mind about watching all 8 films (again). Why subject myself to such potential misery? Last years crop of films were mediocre at best and downright awful at worst. But, I did find a solid little gem called The Hamiltons and I'm hoping to do that again this year. I mean, they can't all be awful, right? Hopefully not, but Nightmare Man is, ahem, a nightmare. It's a story everyone has heard a million, trillion times before. Crazy bad actress wants to have a baby so she orders a fertility mask which ends up possibly being a demon who haunts her dreams and potentially lives inside her. Or... is she crazy? It's hard to tell because she's such a lousy actress. Anyway, en route to a mental institution where her husband is taking her, the car runs out of gas. Husband walks back to gas station. Wife / bad actress / annoying bitch gets chased through the woods by Nightmare Man and ends up coming upon a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Inside are two couples playing Truth or Dare (do people who are not 12 actually play this game?) and faking orgasms and stripping and being lesbians (of course!). Blah blah blah. Slasher cliches ensue. If Mystery Science Theater was still on the air, this would be one of their favorite films to tear apart. There is almost nothing redeeming here. There is one kid (I don't know any of their names and I don't care to learn them) who isn't a terrible actor... but he dies pretty quickly. I don't know which is worse - the script or the acting. There are bad continuity errors (and I don't even usually notice this stuff but it's sooooo bad and obvious here), the make up is cheesy and the movie is the exact opposite of scary. I'm just hoping all of the Horrorfest 2.0 movies aren't this bad.
Grade: F

Horrorfest: Unrest and Dark Ride

Unrest - I saw someone on imdb.com refer to this movie as "thought provoking." I proceeded to laugh my ass off for at least 5 minutes. Nothing in this poor excuse for a movie requires any thought whatsoever. It's a thoughtless, crappy movie that isn't scary, has a horrible script and even worse acting. The film follows a few doctor wannabes (all no-name actors who will hopefully never work again) who are taking part in a gross anatomy course where they have to disect dead bodies. Of course, the body belonging to one group is haunted or possessed or not really dead or not at rest... or whatever. I don't know and I really don't care. The movie is really just a god-awful mess. One minute they are struggling to find out who the corpse is. The next minute they somehow figure out who the corpse is. Then they have video clips of her in prison and being interrogated by police officers and, maybe, the actors audition tape for the movie? Where exactly are we to believe the students got these tapes? Netflix? Blockbuster? As a horror movie fan, I really am willing to put up with a lot of crap if the movie has any redeeming features whatsoever. The only reason I did not give this movie a big, fat F was because of the Tank Of Dead Guys (does that really exist in morgues?) and the Dead Guy Hook (which is awesome).
Grade: D-

Dark Ride - Bad script? Check. Bad acting? Check. Gratituous Nudity? Check. Shocking, twist ending that isn't so shocking or twisty? Check. Funhouse ripoff? Check. However, at the very, very, very, very, very least... this movie is entertaining. It's one of those movies that is so bad it's almost good. The movie starts out with twin girls in 1989 who enter a dark ride in Asbury Park and end up getting slaughtered by the creepy maniac inside the ride. Flash forward to present day and a group of kids head off to Spring Break and randomly decide to break into the abandoned amusement park ride and spend the night. Little do they know that two weeks earlier, crazy maniac guy busted out of the insane asylum where he was pleasantly spending his time and has currently taken up residence inside the dark ride as well. Cue the terror. But first, there's lots of drugs and sex and ghost stories. The movie stars that dude that used to be in 2gether, the little kid from The Big Green and the chick from The Sopranos (HA), none of whom can act their way out of a paper bag. But, like I said, at least the movie is utterly hilarious. Not that I think it's intention is to be hilarious, but it is. There are a few actually interesting scenes: the decapitation during oral sex (although the Thanksgiving trailer does it so, so much better). Ah, actually that's probably the only interesting scene but whatever. At the very least it's entertaining and one of the better Horrorfest movies.

Grade: C-

So, for those keeping score of Horrorfest:

The Hamiltons - B

The Gravedancers - C+

Dark Ride - C-

Penny Dreadful - D-

Unrest - D-

Wicked Little Things - F

Horrorfest (4 of 8)

Penny Dreadful - The key word here is dreadful. The only reason this movie doesn't get a big, fat F is because the killer's appearance is atually fairly creepy. Of course, the movie itself is an absolute mess. What we have is what could have been a nicely done 20 minute short that was extended into an hour and forty minutes for no discernable reason other than to make money. The main character, Penny (Rachel Miner - there's a reason she never became famous even with the potential she showed in Bully), has a phobia of cars, which is actually something I can relate to. Still, it's not a scary/interesting/good concept for a movie. She and her therapist (Mimi Rogers - there's a reason she never became as famous as Tom Cruise's OTHER ex-wife) drive and talk and drive and talk and drive and talk and just when you think they can't drive or talk anymore, guess what? They drive and talk! Then, in the middle of nowhere, they hit a creepy hitchhiker. Apparently they never saw The Hitcher because there preferred method is not to drive a safe distance and call the police, but rather pick him up and give him a ride... in the middle of the night... in the middle of nowhere. I'm sorry but some characters are just so stupid, they deserve to die. Don't bother with this terrible, terrible movie.
Grade: D-

The Gravedancers - The first positive thing I can say about this movie is that it's far superior to Penny Dreadful... but that doesn't take much. The story is about a group of college friends who reunite after several years for the funeral of one of their pals. After a night of drinking, they return to the cemetary and end up finding a weird letter which urges them, as a celebration of life, to dance on graves. This, of course, wakes up some angry ghosts, who were murderers before their deaths, and who, of course, decide to haunt the friends. The script is a bit problematic, a bit corny and it turns way too supernatural for my liking in the last 20 minutes or so. The characters are a bit underdeveloped. The script constantly hints at things that are left unexplained. However, the movie does suceed in creating a nice, creepy atmosphere and does have a few creepy moments. When the film works, it's a chilling ghost story. But the end, when the movie becomes a silly supernatural thriller starring 'Ghostzilla,' it falters terribly.
Grade: C+

The Hamiltons - Just when I thought all of the Horrorfest movies might just suck, along comes a nice little film called The Hamiltons. I've learned not to expect too much from the Horrorfest movies but when I learned it was directed by a couple of dudes who call themselves 'The Butcher Brothers,' I couldn't help but get a little excited. I mean, if people call themselves 'The Butcher Brothers,' they have to have good horror vision, right? Actually, and kind of surprisingly, yes. The Hamiltons follows a group of creepy siblings trying to fend for themselves after their parents die. I'll admit the acting wasn't the greatest (especially the sister) but that almost adds to the movie. It's got a sort of 'making a movie with my friends on my Dad's borrowed/stolen camera' vibe and it actually kind of works. It's a slow burner of a movie but the end is totally worth sitting through the whole movie (even if it drags a bit from time to time). Still, The Hamiltons is a wonderfully creative way of retelling and reimagining a classic horror story. I won't give anymore away because, if you are going to see one Horrorfest movie, this should be it.

Grade: B

Wicked Little Things - Of all things, this movie makes me worry about the Halloween remake. I have been a staunch defender of the Halloween remake. I mean, I love Halloween but if someone has to remake it then I'm glad it's Rob Zombie. Based on interviews I've read with him, I think he has a great vision for the film. Then I hear that he casts Taylor Scout-Compton in the titular role of Laurie Strode. I only know her really as the girl who ran away from home a few years ago. Whatever. I've never really seen her in any movies. Until Wicked Little Things. Let me tell you this, homegirl must have graduated from the school of OVERACTING. I'm worried. Because I don't think this whiny, annoying, bad actor can fill the shoes of the one and only Jamie Lee Curtis. I'm really worried. But, before I go on even more of a Halloween rant, let me tell you that Taylor Scout-Compton had little to work with. The script for Wicked Little Things was really terrible. A widow packs up her two kids (an angsty annoying teenager and a precocious 8 year old with a habit of leaving the house and walking into the woods at 4 in the morning) and goes and lives in the middle of nowhere (this time, the woods on Pennsylvania - Holla!). Already I feel like screaming because I've seen this all before. A dozen times. While there, they start to learn that there was a huge mine disaster a hundred years ago and now all the small children who died in the mine stalk the land at night killing people. The locals call them zombies. Except, they can't really be zombies, you know. They survive on blood so are they vampires? I think ghosts is a more accurate description. One character refers to them as zombie-ghosts. You can't really be a zombie and a ghost. You are either a zombie or a ghost. Not both, you know. Are you going to tell a story about some ghosts or a story about some zombies. Make up your mind and then tell your story. Still, the story is terrible, the acting is terrible and for being a Horrorfest movie that is 'too scary for theaters' there wasn't one thing that could be constrewed as scary or even relatively creepy. Just when you think there can't be anything worse than Penny Dreadful... there is this.

Grade: F