Behind the Mask, Evan Almighty, A Mighty Heart

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - Guess what? The horror genre isn't completely dried up and dead and boring. It's not completely conventional and and it's definitely not completely predictable... thanks in part to the creative and unique Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. The tagline for the movie is, "Michael, Jason, Freddy... we all need someone to look up to." I was pretty much hooked from that alone. The story is presented as a documentary. Aspiring serial killer Leslie Vernon invites a few grad students to document his preparations for his big slaughter. What a unique way to present a horror film! We always see everything from the victim's point of view... never from the killers! We never really see all the preparation these guys have to go through: months of training, thinking of every possible escape route and coming up with alternate plans... even picking the perfect 'survivor girl.' She has to be a virgin with the potential to come out of her shell a better person, willing to fight for her life. But, here's the greatest thing of all: Leslie Vernon (played by newcomer Nathan Baesel) is a likeable guy! He's got a great sense of humor, a sharp wit and biting intellect. He's got tons of charm and charisma and Baesel is having the time of his life playing this soon-to-be serial killer. We also get to meet his mentor, the retired Eugene (Scott Wilson) and his 'ahab.' And, get this for the most perfect casting ever: the ahab (or... sort of good yin to his evil yang... think Dr. Loomis in Halloween) is none other than the one and only Robert Englund! I'm sorry but the fan girl in me can barely handle all the awesomeness of this movie. To top it all off, it's a really fun, really fresh, really great ride. This movie has a great idea and an amazing build up. It could be argued that it loses it's way with the ending (when it does become conventional slasher movie) but I was already having so much fun that it didn't matter too much to me. Make sure you watch all the way through the credits... and not just for Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads!
Grade: B+

Evan Almighty - What happens when you combine comedic geniuses Steve Carell, Jonah Hill, Lauren Graham and Ed Helms with one of the most beloved acting legends of our time, Morgan Freeman and one of the coolest men ever, John Goodman? Well, you get a mighty, mighty bad movie. This movie was not only not funny but also not entertaining in any way, shape or form. The only redeeming factors, for me, were Ed Helms and Jonah Hill who did their best to make the very lacking script work for them. Hill was one of the best things about Knocked Up and I can barely wait to see him team up with the young, comedic genius Michael Cera in August's Superbad. Now that's a comedy team with unbelievable potential. Helms is consistently one of the best things about the wonderful The Office. Still, these two alone cannot save this tired, heavy-handed, preachy, down-right boring movie. Carell just completely loses all of his sparkle and charm in this movie. And what a way to underuse the absolutely brilliant Lauren Graham. Not even underuse. How can you underuse something that you don't use at all? She's relegated to playing the dumb wife, a secondary, non-descript background character. How can anyone who has seen her work on Gilmore Girls not give her more to work with? She can more than hold her own with the big boys of comedy. Morgan Freeman does the same old God-shtick as the first time around. He's adorable and loveable but it's not enough to save this floundering mess. John Goodman does his best to play a bad guy but there's just one problem for me - I see him as nothing but a huggable teddy bear. Everything was rushed, the dialogue was laughably bad and the humor just wasn't funny at all.

Grade: D-

A Mighty Heart - I honestly can't think of a time when I've been more bored by a movie. Which is disappointing since I really had high hopes for this film. It tells the true story of journalist Danny Pearl (Dan Futterman) who disappears while on assignment in Pakistan and never comes home. Meanwhile, his pregnant wife Mariane (Angelina Jolie) has enlisted all kinds of people who look like each other and have accents you can't understand to try to find him before it's too late. Well, everyone knows that it is too late. Danny Pearl is beheaded on a videotape that is sent to Mariane's friends. Anyway, the movie is just a jumbled mess. There's too much going on and it becomes completely distracting, confusing and convaluted. After Danny goes missing, there's a lot of the same thing happening over and over: lots of random "Danny is missing" phone calls followed by discussions around a table and writing notes on a dry erase board. Then... more random "Danny is missing" phone calls followed by discussions around a table and writing notes on a dry erase board. Then... well, you get the point. The thing that probably bothered me most though was that Danny Pearl, who we are supposed to care about and worry about, the "heart" of the film, I guess, was barely in it. He was just a guy who showed up in a couple scenes and was sort of presented as this brilliant man who was stupid enough to be set up by these men who kidnapped him. The title of the movie is certainly kind of ironic since the movie has virtually no heart. The movie lacks any sort of emotion whatsoever and is just flat and boring. Now let's talk about Angelina. Her performance is completely unimpressive until one scene about 20 minutes from the end of the film. You know, the scene when she finds out her husband is dead. It proves her Oscar win for Girl, Interrupted was not a fluke. She's got talent. It's just a shame that her tabloid fodder life is getting in the way of her acting. She's no longer able to become a character. For me, I was never watching Mariane Pearl. I was watching Angelina Jolie do her best impression of Mariane Pearl.

Grade: D+

Horrorfest: Unrest and Dark Ride

Unrest - I saw someone on imdb.com refer to this movie as "thought provoking." I proceeded to laugh my ass off for at least 5 minutes. Nothing in this poor excuse for a movie requires any thought whatsoever. It's a thoughtless, crappy movie that isn't scary, has a horrible script and even worse acting. The film follows a few doctor wannabes (all no-name actors who will hopefully never work again) who are taking part in a gross anatomy course where they have to disect dead bodies. Of course, the body belonging to one group is haunted or possessed or not really dead or not at rest... or whatever. I don't know and I really don't care. The movie is really just a god-awful mess. One minute they are struggling to find out who the corpse is. The next minute they somehow figure out who the corpse is. Then they have video clips of her in prison and being interrogated by police officers and, maybe, the actors audition tape for the movie? Where exactly are we to believe the students got these tapes? Netflix? Blockbuster? As a horror movie fan, I really am willing to put up with a lot of crap if the movie has any redeeming features whatsoever. The only reason I did not give this movie a big, fat F was because of the Tank Of Dead Guys (does that really exist in morgues?) and the Dead Guy Hook (which is awesome).
Grade: D-

Dark Ride - Bad script? Check. Bad acting? Check. Gratituous Nudity? Check. Shocking, twist ending that isn't so shocking or twisty? Check. Funhouse ripoff? Check. However, at the very, very, very, very, very least... this movie is entertaining. It's one of those movies that is so bad it's almost good. The movie starts out with twin girls in 1989 who enter a dark ride in Asbury Park and end up getting slaughtered by the creepy maniac inside the ride. Flash forward to present day and a group of kids head off to Spring Break and randomly decide to break into the abandoned amusement park ride and spend the night. Little do they know that two weeks earlier, crazy maniac guy busted out of the insane asylum where he was pleasantly spending his time and has currently taken up residence inside the dark ride as well. Cue the terror. But first, there's lots of drugs and sex and ghost stories. The movie stars that dude that used to be in 2gether, the little kid from The Big Green and the chick from The Sopranos (HA), none of whom can act their way out of a paper bag. But, like I said, at least the movie is utterly hilarious. Not that I think it's intention is to be hilarious, but it is. There are a few actually interesting scenes: the decapitation during oral sex (although the Thanksgiving trailer does it so, so much better). Ah, actually that's probably the only interesting scene but whatever. At the very least it's entertaining and one of the better Horrorfest movies.

Grade: C-

So, for those keeping score of Horrorfest:

The Hamiltons - B

The Gravedancers - C+

Dark Ride - C-

Penny Dreadful - D-

Unrest - D-

Wicked Little Things - F

1408

My problem with 1408 may be one of opinion or taste. The problem I have with films inspired by works by Stephen King is that I just don't like Stephen King (with the rare exception of The Shining which is a great book and an even better film). I admit that I am not as well versed in King as some of my friends. I've read most of his more popular books and I just don't like them. His work tends to set an impressive immediate tone. He builds a great, creepy atmosphere. Then, it all just gets silly. Maybe it's because I'm not a fan of the ghost story or the supernatural. I just don't find things that don't exist to be all that scary. I am more scared of people. People are real and they can really hurt you. Ghosts can not. So, to me, 1408 suffers the very same problem. The beginning builds a creepy atmosphere... that never really pays off.

The film starts out by introducing us to author Mike Enslin (John Cusack), a writer who, at one time, wrote powerful books but now is relegated to writing about supposedly haunted hotels and lighthouses and graveyards. The only problem is: he doesn't believe in ghosts. After a getaway to yet another non-creepy hotel and a less than impressive book signing, he returns home to find a postcard for New York City's Dolphin Hotel. The message? Don't stay in 1408. So, immediately he wants to stay in 1408. He calls the hotel and tries to book 1408 and they tell him it's unavailable... before he even mentions a date. So, his lawyer manages to find a loop hole. If he shows up at the hotel and the room isn't taken, it's against the law to refuse him the room. That's exactly what he does. The film sets a wonderful tone at first. The atmosphere is genuinely creepy. There's more than sufficient backstory about room 1408 to make it seem absolutely terrifying. Even after he checks into the room and the creepy things start to happen, it still manages to be creepy. I especially loved the almost demonic use of songs by The Carpenters (a band I just adore, by the way).

Anyway, then the movie takes a turn for the worse. I can't really give away the things that happen but it all just gets a little silly. Really, it just becomes crazy. And not crazy in a good way. Not crazy like Bug which was pure crazy genius. It becomes stupid crazy. He's in the hotel... he's not in the hotel... he's back in the hotel. He's out of the hotel but maybe he'll end up back in the hotel. Is it all in his head? Is any of it really happening? Really, it's just stupid. By the end of the movie, I'm not even sure I care what was real and what wasn't.

But the build up to the stupidity is so great. And the film definitely scores some extra points for John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson (who's role is very small... and sort of confusing). Jackson is just simply one of the coolest guys alive. Cusack simply eminates oodles of charm. He's such a beloved actor and there's a reason for it. Even if he's playing a character here who may not be the best man in the world, he's still intensely likeable. I can't imagine anyone who doesn't like John Cusack. You are instantly invested in his character no matter how out of control crazy the story becomes, which is a huge saving factor for this movie that really just dashes most of what it's worked up to with a terrible, throw away ending.

First Half - B+

Second Half - D
Grade: C+

Horrorfest (4 of 8)

Penny Dreadful - The key word here is dreadful. The only reason this movie doesn't get a big, fat F is because the killer's appearance is atually fairly creepy. Of course, the movie itself is an absolute mess. What we have is what could have been a nicely done 20 minute short that was extended into an hour and forty minutes for no discernable reason other than to make money. The main character, Penny (Rachel Miner - there's a reason she never became famous even with the potential she showed in Bully), has a phobia of cars, which is actually something I can relate to. Still, it's not a scary/interesting/good concept for a movie. She and her therapist (Mimi Rogers - there's a reason she never became as famous as Tom Cruise's OTHER ex-wife) drive and talk and drive and talk and drive and talk and just when you think they can't drive or talk anymore, guess what? They drive and talk! Then, in the middle of nowhere, they hit a creepy hitchhiker. Apparently they never saw The Hitcher because there preferred method is not to drive a safe distance and call the police, but rather pick him up and give him a ride... in the middle of the night... in the middle of nowhere. I'm sorry but some characters are just so stupid, they deserve to die. Don't bother with this terrible, terrible movie.
Grade: D-

The Gravedancers - The first positive thing I can say about this movie is that it's far superior to Penny Dreadful... but that doesn't take much. The story is about a group of college friends who reunite after several years for the funeral of one of their pals. After a night of drinking, they return to the cemetary and end up finding a weird letter which urges them, as a celebration of life, to dance on graves. This, of course, wakes up some angry ghosts, who were murderers before their deaths, and who, of course, decide to haunt the friends. The script is a bit problematic, a bit corny and it turns way too supernatural for my liking in the last 20 minutes or so. The characters are a bit underdeveloped. The script constantly hints at things that are left unexplained. However, the movie does suceed in creating a nice, creepy atmosphere and does have a few creepy moments. When the film works, it's a chilling ghost story. But the end, when the movie becomes a silly supernatural thriller starring 'Ghostzilla,' it falters terribly.
Grade: C+

The Hamiltons - Just when I thought all of the Horrorfest movies might just suck, along comes a nice little film called The Hamiltons. I've learned not to expect too much from the Horrorfest movies but when I learned it was directed by a couple of dudes who call themselves 'The Butcher Brothers,' I couldn't help but get a little excited. I mean, if people call themselves 'The Butcher Brothers,' they have to have good horror vision, right? Actually, and kind of surprisingly, yes. The Hamiltons follows a group of creepy siblings trying to fend for themselves after their parents die. I'll admit the acting wasn't the greatest (especially the sister) but that almost adds to the movie. It's got a sort of 'making a movie with my friends on my Dad's borrowed/stolen camera' vibe and it actually kind of works. It's a slow burner of a movie but the end is totally worth sitting through the whole movie (even if it drags a bit from time to time). Still, The Hamiltons is a wonderfully creative way of retelling and reimagining a classic horror story. I won't give anymore away because, if you are going to see one Horrorfest movie, this should be it.

Grade: B

Wicked Little Things - Of all things, this movie makes me worry about the Halloween remake. I have been a staunch defender of the Halloween remake. I mean, I love Halloween but if someone has to remake it then I'm glad it's Rob Zombie. Based on interviews I've read with him, I think he has a great vision for the film. Then I hear that he casts Taylor Scout-Compton in the titular role of Laurie Strode. I only know her really as the girl who ran away from home a few years ago. Whatever. I've never really seen her in any movies. Until Wicked Little Things. Let me tell you this, homegirl must have graduated from the school of OVERACTING. I'm worried. Because I don't think this whiny, annoying, bad actor can fill the shoes of the one and only Jamie Lee Curtis. I'm really worried. But, before I go on even more of a Halloween rant, let me tell you that Taylor Scout-Compton had little to work with. The script for Wicked Little Things was really terrible. A widow packs up her two kids (an angsty annoying teenager and a precocious 8 year old with a habit of leaving the house and walking into the woods at 4 in the morning) and goes and lives in the middle of nowhere (this time, the woods on Pennsylvania - Holla!). Already I feel like screaming because I've seen this all before. A dozen times. While there, they start to learn that there was a huge mine disaster a hundred years ago and now all the small children who died in the mine stalk the land at night killing people. The locals call them zombies. Except, they can't really be zombies, you know. They survive on blood so are they vampires? I think ghosts is a more accurate description. One character refers to them as zombie-ghosts. You can't really be a zombie and a ghost. You are either a zombie or a ghost. Not both, you know. Are you going to tell a story about some ghosts or a story about some zombies. Make up your mind and then tell your story. Still, the story is terrible, the acting is terrible and for being a Horrorfest movie that is 'too scary for theaters' there wasn't one thing that could be constrewed as scary or even relatively creepy. Just when you think there can't be anything worse than Penny Dreadful... there is this.

Grade: F