Mini Reviews / Pre-Vacation Catch Up

Next weekend, I will be on vacation... at the beach... drinking my way through Ocean City. For now, here are some quick reviews in order to play catch up.

Begin Again
Stars: Mark Ruffalo, Keira Knightley, Adam Levine, Catherine Keener, Hailee Steinfeld
Plot: After her boyfriend becomes a rock star and dumps her, Greta decides to make an album with a down on his luck indie record exec and use the city of New York as her inspiration.
Thoughts: The director of this movie also directed Once, a movie that is so singular, so like catching lightning in a bottle, that he probably should have just stopped while he was ahead. He can never make another movie like Once. So, Begin Again lacks all that natural charm and sweetness and rawness. It feels a bit forced - bigger budget, bigger stars - but it's also just a really likable movie. It's sweet filled with easy, natural performances and great music (especially Lost Stars which I promptly downloaded and listened to on repeat).
Grade: B

Rob the Mob
Stars: Michael Pitt, Nina Arianda
Plot: An ex-con couple decide their low pay jobs as telemarketers are beneath them, so they decide to rob the clubs where mobsters hang out. Based on a true story.
Thoughts: I feel like the idea behind this movie is something really great. It's a true story, and an interesting one, but the movie lacks any sort of dynamic. Honestly, this movie is almost unwatchable, and I love, love, love, LOVE Michael Pitt. But these characters just feel so forced, and annoying.
Grade: D

3 Days to Kill
Stars: Kevin Costner, Amber Heard, Hailee Steinfeld
Plot: A dying hitman takes one last job trying to close a case that went haywire.
Thoughts: What a disaster! I watched this for Costner, and honestly, my grade might not even count because I couldn't even get all the way through this. It was just so boring, and bizarre (Amber Heard's character is literally the most ridiculous thing I've seen in film this year).
Grade: F

The Monument's Men
Stars: George Clooney, Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, John Goodman, Bill Murray, Jean DuJardin, Bob Balaban
Plot: The true story of a group of art historians who were tasked with finding art the Nazi's stole and reclaiming it.
Thoughts: Look at that cast!! How could you possibly go wrong with a cast like that? My thoughts exactly, which is how I got into this mess in the first place. First of all, this story is too interesting to be resigned to a movie like this. This is terrible story telling, and just plain lazy film making. Any sort of line that is supposed to be funny just doesn't land well (and if Bill Murray can't make something funny, then you've got a huge problem). This movie is just one big disaster.
Grade: D+

The Lego Movie
Stars (the voices of): Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Will Ferrell, Will Arnett, Morgan Freeman, Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, Charlie Day
Plot: An every day Lego gets mistaken for the "Special", the savior of the Lego world after their President decides he is going to destroy everything.
Thoughts: Listen, I'm surprised as you are, but this movie is AWESOME. I absolutely loved it totally and completely. I am definitely not one for animated films (with the rare exception like Wall-E and Up), but The Lego Movie is a pop-culture laden movie that everyone can enjoy. It's funny and cute and just plain good!
Grade: B+

The Grand Budapest Hotel
Stars: Ralph Fiennes, Jude Law, Adrian Brody, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe
Plot: A hotel concierge becomes involved in an art heist and a jail break after a long standing guest (and lover) dies.
Thoughts: I love Wes Anderson movies. They are so absolutely singular. He is one of the very few directors that, if you watch even 30 seconds of one of his movies, you automatically know it's his. This movie is brimming with everything I love about Anderson movies - crazy characters, cool set designs, bright colors. Still, this isn't his best work. It's a bit jumbled and maybe feels like it's trying too hard. Still, I'll take an "okay" Wes Anderson movie any day.
Grade: B

Lucy
Stars: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman
Plot: An American party girl in Taiwan can suddenly access increasing amounts of her brain when a bag of drugs bursts inside her stomach.
Thoughts: I wanted this movie to be so much more than it was. I wanted less scenes of apes and dinosaurs and more scenes of Scarlett kicking ass. Scarlett is fantastic here, and I have absolutely no complaints whatsoever about her. However, this movie just plays off as such a huge mess. I mean, sure, it's cool, I guess. But it had the opportunity to be so much cooler. It's a wasted opportunity, in my opinion.
Grade: D+

Under the Skin
Stars: Scarlett Johansson
Plot: A mysterious woman lures men to their doom in Scotland (where you can't understand a word anyone says... actual conversation I had with my boyfriend while watching this movie: Me: "This movie needs subtitles." Him: "It's in English!")
Thoughts: I seriously have done very little other than think about this movie for the last two days. It's that intense and mysterious and thought-provoking. Upon thinking about it non-stop, I have realized that I think I liked it more than I initially thought. I have come to the conclusion that it's this really great feminist tale about how even a superior being becomes weak when stuck in a female body. The movie was filmed so beautifully (so many amazing shots), and it's so been on my mind, that I almost want to watch it again. But, then I remember how I felt while watching it, which was mostly infuriated and even angry. This is the first movie I have ever watched where I literally don't know what grade to give it. It has an equal chance of ending up on my Best of and Worst of lists at the end of the year.
Grade: ????

Mini Reviews (I'm Back)

In case anyone actually reads this, I apologize for my recent absence but things have been sort of crazy at work. Right now, I am going to write a few mini reviews to get caught up on the things I've seen recently (two movies in theaters you might want to check out and two on DVD that you will probably want to avoid), but then I am going to get back to updating this blog more frequently. I also have a few ideas for new funs things to do (i.e. a weekly Friday Top Five list related to new releases or actor birthdays and maybe a Best Director tournament!). But for now, here are quick thoughts on four 2013 releases (from best to worst):

The Internship
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Rose Byrne, Max Minghella
Plot: Two salesmen lose their jobs and decide that despite any skill whatsoever that they are going to get a job at Google. The movie follows a summer long internship program.
Thoughts: Despite being way too long and following all the rules of romantic comedy, The Internship manages to be cute, sweet and funny. The best part about it is, of course, Vaughn and Wilson and their perfect chemistry that also worked so well in Wedding Crashers. But the real star of the show is the Google campus which is fascinating and interesting in every sense of the word.
Grade: B-

Now You See Me
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Mark Ruffalo, Isla Fisher, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Dave Franco, Melanie Laurent
Plot: Four street magicians come together thanks to a mysterious but powerful benefactor to become the most successful magicians with a traveling show where they manage to do completely unbelievable tricks (such as stealing money from a Paris bank while in Vegas). The FBI is hot on their tail though.
Thoughts: Now You See Me benefits from having an almost unrelentless pace, which absolutely works in its favor because if you were given time to stop and think about the whole thing, you would realize how none of it (especially the far fetched, ridiculous ending) makes sense. Still, as far as fun, thoughtless entertainment goes, this is decent.
Grade: C+

Dark Skies
Starring: Keri Russell, J.K. Simmons
Plot: Aliens target a family and slowly drive them crazy.
Thoughts: Cliche, but also really terrible. Simmons is the only - THE ONLY - good thing about it and he's only in it for about 3 minutes.
Grade: D+

Stand Up Guys
Starring: Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, Alan Arkin
Plot: Val (Pacino) is newly released from prison but some powerful people are holding a 28 year grudge and send his bestie (Walken) to give him the night of his life and then kill him.
Thoughts: Remember when Pacino was one of the greatest actors of all time? That whole thing is pretty foggy to me. The more he makes crap like this, the easier it is to forget he was ever even in The Godfather. The end of this movie is actually pretty bad ass, but it's a shame you have to sit through an hour and a half of crap to get to 45 seconds of coolness. On the plus side? It's not as bad as Lords of Salem!
Grade: D-

Oblivion / The Lords of Salem

I'm not going to sit here and try to convince anyone that Oblivion is some sort of revolutionary movie going experience. However, on Saturday, I did a double feature, and compared to the movie that I saw after, it made Oblivion look like The Godfather.

First things first, Oblivion takes place well into the future after America defeated an alien race hell bent on wiping the planet of our resources. As Tom Cruise's Jack says in narration, we won the war but lost the planet. So, now planet Earth is pretty much a wasteland and all of the human race lives on Titan, one of Saturn's moons. Everyone except Jack and his partner Victoria, that is. Victoria mans the control tower (and talks to Melissa Leo's Sally who is on a space station named Tet) while Jack zips around on a dandy little space ship and mostly fixes drones who fight off the savages still on the planet during the night. Eventually, Jack learns that he and Victoria are not alone and instead the group of savages are actually human and led by Morgan Freeman.

So, plot wise, Oblivion is mediocre. I actually enjoyed the film a lot more until the plot began to thicken and thicken. It sort of felt like the filmmakers just wanted to get in every single sci fi cliche that they possibly could. And the movie really didn't need all of that, because what works for the movie - and it works well - are the breathtaking special effects and the high octane action scenes. I sort of feel about this movie the way I felt about Wanted a few years ago (also co-starring Morgan Freeman!!) - the less plot, the better. The plot in that movie just got in the way of Angelina Jolie throwing cars at buses. And while there's nothing quite that awesome in Oblivion, it still is a pretty decent popcorn movie.

And compared to the movie I saw immediately afterwards, well, damn...

Because next came The Lords of Salem. Here is a sort of diagram about the trajectory of Rob Zombie's directing career:

House of 1000 Corpses - Awesome!!!
The Devil's Rejects - Damn Good!
Halloween - Bad
Halloween 2 - Worse
The Lords of Salem - QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

Directors careers are supposed to go opposite. You are supposed to get your shitty movies out of the way first. I mean, geez, David Fincher's first movie was Alien 3 and now he's a goddamn rock star. But, no, Rob Zombie went in the wrong direction real quick. And it's a shame because there were moments in his first two films that really showed that he actually has potential.

But I digress. The Lords of Salem is actually the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. It's so bad that the city of Salem should probably ask to have its name removed from the title. In fact, the only thing I didn't hate about the movie was the fact that it was shot in Salem and I enjoyed noticing places that I had been. The plot of the movie follows Sherri Moon Zombie's Heidi who works the night shift at a radio station and gets a special delivery of a crappy album by a band called The Lords which turns the women of Salem into homicidal maniacs. Of course, Zombie tries to tie all of this to the Salem witch trials. Of course, the movie is offensive, disgusting, ridiculous, and above all, stupid. I almost think that maybe he was just messing with us. Maybe he wanted to see just how bad of a movie he could make? I don't know. I guess he was going for a Rosemary's Baby kind of vibe but, if so, he failed miserably. The Lords of Salem have absolutely no redeeming qualities and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone - not even my worst enemy (i.e. that bitch Amanda Clark).

Grades: Oblivion - C+; The Lords of Salem - F

The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight is a rare kind of movie. It is so overhyped that it's almost impossible to believe that it could live up to your expectations. But guess what? It doesn't disappoint. In fact, The Dark Knight is a huge step forward for comic book / superhero movies. For years, these kinds of movies were seen as brainless summer popcorn flicks. You don't really need to think about them - just sit back and enjoy. It might not be particuarly thought-provoking or intellectual but at least it's a fun way to pass the time - great special effects, so-so acting, so-so story. The Dark Knight is whole different kind of movie. It's definitely not a brainless summer popcorn flick. It's a well-done, classy, smart film - the kind that will stand the test of time and the kind that should definitely be called a masterpiece. The special effects? Great. The storyline? Smart in every way. The acting? Well, it's out of this world (especially by a certain late actor... more on that in a minute). Director Christopher Nolan is back and better than last time. The story picks up a few years after Batman Begins lets off. Batman / Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) is still struggling to clean up the streets of Gotham. This time around he may get a little help in the form of White Knight district attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) who is the kind of politician who is actually trying to make a difference. He's also dating Bruce's old girl, the love of his life, Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal this time around who is about a hundred times better than Katie Holmes was). The mob (led by Eric Roberts!!!) is uncontrollable but that is the least of Gotham's problems. There's a new villain in town - he's absolutely out of his mind, embracing chaos, anarchy. He says at one point that he makes no plans. He's like a dog chasing a car but he doesn't know what he would do if he actually caught the car. He just acts without thinking anything through - and that terrifies the people of Gotham. His name is the Joker and in the hands of Heath Ledger he becomes the most terrifying, hilarious, downright crazy villain. The late Ledger creates a masterpiece of a performance. I don't see a scenario in which he won't win a posthumous Oscar for his work here. He's amazing and he gives the performance of his much too short life. Then there's that fantastic supporting cast - Michael Caine as the ever faithful Alfred, Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox and Gary Oldman as Lt. Gordon (who really deserves an honorable mention because he's pretty damn good as well). Overall, The Dark Knight is two and a half hours of pure entertainment. There's little to nothing wrong with the movie. Not only does it meet expectations, it surpasses them.

Grade: A

Saw IV, Gone Baby Gone, November film preview

Saw IV - I've seen all the Saw films although I guess I'm not as obsessive about them as some people apparently are. I'm sort of almost indifferent to the original Saw, in retrospect. Saw II was quite possibly one of the worst horror sequels in recent memory. However, I thought Saw III was actually quite enjoyable and easily my favorite of the franchise. Guess what? It remains that way. Saw IV is a solid film as far as fourth installments go, however, if it wasn't part of a highly successful film franchise, it doesn't hold it's own. The story is more or less over. However, the cash is still flowing in so they will continue to churn them out. Saw IV isn't quite the monstrosity of the fourth installments of, say, Friday the 13th or (especially) A Nightmare on Elm Street (and I won't even put Halloween 4 on this list since I absolutely love that movie!). Plus, it's just a little too confusing. Or, well, a lot confusing actually. That's because, like I said, I'm not an obsessive Saw person. I've seen all the Saw's but, I'm sorry, I don't remember every single detail about them. So, when characters pop up from previous films, I'm a little flustered. Anyway, Jigsaw is dead but the game is far from over. And guess what? Even though Jigsaw really is dead, Tobin Bell is still featured heavily and that's a huge plus for the movie as far as I'm concerned. He's a creepy, creepy man. The film opens with the autopsy of his body. It's gross and not for the squeamish. I loved the opening. Saw IV tries to re-capture the essence of the first and third films - gore and shocking twists at the end (although this ending... not so shocking... I figured it out in the first 30 minutes). However, it doesn't work here so well because it's too confusing and it doesn't satisfy as easily. It leaves more holes (that will undoubtedly be filled by more sequels) than it leaves answers. Saw IV is gory. It has, quite possibly, the best death scene captured on film this year (Eric Matthews and two ice blocks... that's all I'll say). I'll give credit where it's due: the film is consistant with the others. There's a lot of backstory about Jigsaw which I found utterly interesting (probably my favorite part of the movie, actually). Luke Danes - I mean, Scott Patterson - shows up as a tough talking cop but he'll always be a tough-talking diner owner in Stars Hollow, Connecticut to me. It's almost a shame because of Saw that we have come to expect the gore. It's not shocking anymore. The movie isn't a total waste of time and the diehard Saw fans might really enjoy it.

Grade: C+

Gone Baby Gone - I learned two things while watching this movie. 1) Ben Affleck is a better director than he is actor. 2) Casey Affleck is, quite possibly, the most underrated actor working right now. This movie will undoubtedly be compared to Mystic River - both are based on books by Dennis Lehane, both are set in Boston, both are directed by actors. And, guess what? Both are great, great movies. If you are a parent, I'm sure your biggest nightmare is the thought of someone kidnapping your child. Well, that's the story here. But the mother in this movie isn't a very good one. Played by the Oscar worthy Amy Ryan, she's a drug addicted, alcoholic who takes her daughter along on drug runs and leaves her home alone at night while she hits the bar downtown. Casey plays a private detective brought in on the case by the aunt of the child. He and his private detective partner/lover (Michelle Monaghan) take on the case and get wrapped up in finding out who took the little girl. They work alongside cops played by Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman. There's a lot of twists and turns here and I don't want to go into plot too much because, really, the movie is just too good and you really just need to see it. The ending is quite possibly my favorite film ending all year. It's simple and it's sad and it's heartbreaking and it's absolutely honest. The movie is heart wrenching, emotional, haunting, intense. This is surely a second chance for Ben Affleck. His acting career seems to have stalled out thanks to a lot of personal escapades but he's back and better than ever as a solid director. There's depth and balance and restraint. The film is beautifully shot at times and very gritty at others. The cast is fantastic. Casey is just stunning and flawless here. I've heard he's better in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (best. movie. title. ever.) but I really can't imagine how he could be any better than he is here. Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman are fantastic but, really, how could they not be? They are always fantastic. Amy Ryan is absolutely mesmerizing to watch. Her character is hardly likeable but you just want to see more of her on screen. Best Supporting Actress come Oscar time? I'd place my money on her. Gone Baby Gone is one of my very favorite movies of this year so far. If I had one criticism, it would be that it almost feels like three movies in one. Still, the Affleck brothers are multi-talented. This movie is deeply disturbing and thoroughly engaging. Just try getting it out of your head.

Grade: A-

November Movie Preview

November 2 - (I know, I'm late but I was on vacation!). Run and see American Gangster. This year's The Departed? Probably not. But I'm up for the showdown between Denzel and Russell. Martian Child looks a little cheesy for my liking but I'll take anything with John Cusack (and I guess this will hold me over until Grace is Gone gets here). Then there's Bee Movie. It makes me very, very sad.

November 9 - After Dark Horrorfest 2007... probably a skipper if I'm judging soley on last year's crop of eight films (one of which was good). Fred Claus opens. It has Kathy Bates, Kevin Spacey and Paul Giamatti playing second fiddle to Vince Vaughn. WHAT!?! Lions for Lambs stars Tom Cruise which is a huge turn off. BUT, it also stars La Meryl which is a huge turn on! No Country For Old Men is a movie I'm very, very excited about. Javier Bardem looks deliciously evil. My kind of man. I know it's only limited but I'll count the days til it opens somewhere in Pennsylvania.

November 16 - Beowulf, Beowulf, Beowulf. Let me tell you a quick story. When I was 10 or so, I was a really weird kid. My favorite book, you ask? Well, it was Beowulf. I've read the goddamn thing approximately 50 times. I love it. But it's torturous to read. Unless this movie is 3 DAYS long, then I don't want to see it. It can't quite possibly cover everything unless it's 3 DAYS long. It's probably not. So I don't want to see it. Margot at the Wedding opens in limited release. I love me some Noah Baumbach and some Jennifer Jason Leigh so I can't wait until it comes somewhere in my vacinity! Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium makes me feel a little sick to my stomach. Even the name is sugary sweet. But, the cast is amazing - Natalie Portman, Dustin Hoffman and, one of my movie star boyfriends, Jason Bateman.

November 21 - August Rush looks cheesy but Jonathan Rhys Meyers is one of my movie star boyfriends. Those eyes! Those cheek bones! Those lips! Yeah, I'll see this movie. Enchanted actually looks really, really cute for a kid movie. Amy Adams is almost too adorable for words. Hitman stars Timothy Olyphant. I'm not sure about it. I'm Not There opens in limited release and, man, I can't wait to see Cate Blanchett take a stab at Bob Dylan! Stephen King's The Mist looks like most Stephen King movies. And that's not a good thing.

November 28 - The Savages stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney. I think every movie should star Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney.

November 30 - A really solid film month ends with the release of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. I've heard good things so I'm excited to see it.

In the Valley of Elah, Feast of Love, and more!

In the Valley of Elah - There are people who didn't like Paul Haggis' directorial debut Crash because it was soapy and over-dramatic. I absolutely loved Crash but I do understand where said critics are coming from. The thing about In the Valley of Elah is that it proves that Haggis embraced one of the most wonderful tools a director has in his arsenal: restraint. Instead of going with the interconnected multiple story lines, Elah follows one main story throughout the film. Instead of going for the overly-emotional, this film embraces understated performances, namely from Tommy Lee Jones who is just spectacular in this movie. It is actually very brave of Haggis to make serious changes to the style that won him Best Picture at the Oscars. It's even more impressive that it works so well for him. To the story, Hank (Jones, in his best performance) goes searching for his son (Jonathan Tucker - although he's barely in it) and he meets a lot of military people who don't really want to tell him much. He tries to get help from the cops. At first they don't want to help him find out where his son is either. He starts investigating by himself but is soon joined by a cop played by Charlize Theron. One of the things I like about the movie is it doesn't preach it's message. Clearly, it's got quite a few negative things to say about the war in Iraq but it's all done very subtley and the film isn't a two hour tirade against it. Tommy Lee Jones' performance could quite possibly be the best of his career. He is the strong, silent type and brings so much emotion to the role. Theron is strong as well but nothing to write home about. Sarandon may be a tad underused but she's powerful and perfect when she's featured. The film isn't necessarily long (2 hours) but it feels long. At first I wasn't sure I liked the ending but the more I think about it, the more I do. I was waiting for a conspiracy, the other shoe to drop, so to speak. But, sometimes, the motives for things aren't so cut and dry. War changes people. In the Valley of Elah is a strong film about the effects of war on people. It's also a solid crime thriller. I'm not sure it will win Best Picture but there will probably be at least three Oscar nominations (Jones, Sarandon, Screenplay). It's an easy film to get interested in. It's captivating and very moving.

Grade: B

Feast of Love - Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from this movie. I thought it was going to be just another sappy, cheesy love story. But I was pleasantly surprised. It's a funny, smart, sexy, tragic story about relationships - not just romantic relationships but the relationships we form with different people in our lives. The movie stars Morgan Freeman as Harry, a college professor who is struggling with the death of his son to a drug overdose and who extends his leave of absence at the University of Portland. Meanwhile, he becomes a sort of father figure to numorous other characters including Bradley's (Greg Kinnear) hopeless romantic but bad luck with love coffee shop owner. At first he's married to Kathryn (Selma Blair). But then she leaves him for another woman. Next he gets married to Diana (Radha Mitchell) who is having an affair with a married man, David, played by Billy Burke. The affair was going on before she met Bradley and it continues up until she marries Bradley and then continues when she leaves Bradley for David. While Bradley is unlucky in love, star crossed young lovers Chloe and Oscar (Alexa Davalos and Toby Hemingway - each prettier than the other) fall in love at first sight and their passion and love overcomes the fact that they have no money, only a dream for the future where they'll live in a house with a foyer. This film peels back the layers of humanity and explores the different personalities within people. The number of intimate moments (so much nudity) and personal insecurities are too many to count and list. But isn't that like in real life? This film is very realistic. Very rarely do you see movies like this on-screen. Is it a little watered down? Sure. But it's more realistic than most 'romance' movies. The best story line probably follows Freeman and Jane Alexander as an interracial couple hurting deeply from the loss of their son but the strength of their relationship allows them to deal with the grief in separate ways. It's no light-hearted chick flick. Thank God! It's interesting and tender and heartbreaking and just plain realistic. It's not a romantic drama. It's a human drama and it's surprisingly endearing.

Grade: B-

Hot Fuzz - The movie is mostly funny and well done. Lots of great action film throw backs. However, it's about 25 minutes too long. Still, enjoyable. Grade: C+

The Game Plan - Ugh. There were a few things I laughed at so it makes it better than Good Luck Chuck, for sure. The Rock isn't a great actor but at the very least he has charm and charisma. Predictable. Whatever. Grade: D+

October Movie Preview

October 5 - I'll be rushing to see Feel the Noise since I love urban dance movies. The Heartbreak Kid, I guess, is the big draw. I'm not really a fan of Ben Stiller's but I'll check it out anyway. In non-movie news, the new season of Friday Night Lights premieres. If you don't watch it, you don't know what you're missing. It's the best show on television. Period.

October 12 - Michael Clayton opens wide. I can take or leave George Clooney but I'll be there because of Tilda Swinton and Tom Wilkinson (who looks like he rocks this movie!). Elizabeth: The Golden Age opens. Cate Blanchett will probably be Oscar nominated. The movie stars a lot of pretty people - Cate, Clive Owen, Abbie Cornish, Samantha Morton. Too bad the whole thing just looks so unnecessary. Lars and the Real Girls opens in limited so if you live in a city you can see Ryan Gosling have sex with a blow-up doll. Color me jealous. Then there is a potentially good / potentially bad movie starring one of my movie star boyfriends (I should make a list of them all, huh?). We Own The Night stars Joaquin Phoenix and I'll be there because he's SEXY.

October 19 - The coolest idea for a vampire movie EVER opens, 30 Days of Night and it stars Ben Foster so you know it's going to be way cool. Some probably-dumb sports movie spoof called The Comebacks open. Jan from The Office is in it. Too bad that won't make me go see it. Ben Affleck's directorial debut Gone Baby Gone opens. It stars his younger (cooler) brother Casey Affleck. It's based on a book by the guy that wrote Mystic River. It may be awesome. We'll see if Ben is a better director than he has been an actor lately. Rendition opens. It stars lots of Oscar winners/nominees (Meryl! Reese! Jake! - Peter Sarsgaard gets no love in the trailer because he's never been nominated). I sort of think this movie has TRAINWRECK written all over it. Reservation Road opens in limited. More Joaquin although the movie looks like an In The Bedroom rip-off. Things We Lost in the Fire opens. It stars Halle Berry and Benicio Del Toro. The trailer is, quite possibly, the worst trailer ever made. I have faith in Benicio. I do NOT have faith in Halle. Wristcutters: A Love Story opens in very limited release. With a name like that, man, you know it's my kind of movie.

October 26 - The trailer for Dan in Real Life only makes me feel sad for Steve Carrell and his choice of films as of late. But it doesn't matter almost because no one is going to see that movie. Wanna know why? Saw IV opens. I liked the first one, hated the second one and loved the third one. We'll see where this one falls in the spectrum.

Behind the Mask, Evan Almighty, A Mighty Heart

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - Guess what? The horror genre isn't completely dried up and dead and boring. It's not completely conventional and and it's definitely not completely predictable... thanks in part to the creative and unique Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. The tagline for the movie is, "Michael, Jason, Freddy... we all need someone to look up to." I was pretty much hooked from that alone. The story is presented as a documentary. Aspiring serial killer Leslie Vernon invites a few grad students to document his preparations for his big slaughter. What a unique way to present a horror film! We always see everything from the victim's point of view... never from the killers! We never really see all the preparation these guys have to go through: months of training, thinking of every possible escape route and coming up with alternate plans... even picking the perfect 'survivor girl.' She has to be a virgin with the potential to come out of her shell a better person, willing to fight for her life. But, here's the greatest thing of all: Leslie Vernon (played by newcomer Nathan Baesel) is a likeable guy! He's got a great sense of humor, a sharp wit and biting intellect. He's got tons of charm and charisma and Baesel is having the time of his life playing this soon-to-be serial killer. We also get to meet his mentor, the retired Eugene (Scott Wilson) and his 'ahab.' And, get this for the most perfect casting ever: the ahab (or... sort of good yin to his evil yang... think Dr. Loomis in Halloween) is none other than the one and only Robert Englund! I'm sorry but the fan girl in me can barely handle all the awesomeness of this movie. To top it all off, it's a really fun, really fresh, really great ride. This movie has a great idea and an amazing build up. It could be argued that it loses it's way with the ending (when it does become conventional slasher movie) but I was already having so much fun that it didn't matter too much to me. Make sure you watch all the way through the credits... and not just for Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads!
Grade: B+

Evan Almighty - What happens when you combine comedic geniuses Steve Carell, Jonah Hill, Lauren Graham and Ed Helms with one of the most beloved acting legends of our time, Morgan Freeman and one of the coolest men ever, John Goodman? Well, you get a mighty, mighty bad movie. This movie was not only not funny but also not entertaining in any way, shape or form. The only redeeming factors, for me, were Ed Helms and Jonah Hill who did their best to make the very lacking script work for them. Hill was one of the best things about Knocked Up and I can barely wait to see him team up with the young, comedic genius Michael Cera in August's Superbad. Now that's a comedy team with unbelievable potential. Helms is consistently one of the best things about the wonderful The Office. Still, these two alone cannot save this tired, heavy-handed, preachy, down-right boring movie. Carell just completely loses all of his sparkle and charm in this movie. And what a way to underuse the absolutely brilliant Lauren Graham. Not even underuse. How can you underuse something that you don't use at all? She's relegated to playing the dumb wife, a secondary, non-descript background character. How can anyone who has seen her work on Gilmore Girls not give her more to work with? She can more than hold her own with the big boys of comedy. Morgan Freeman does the same old God-shtick as the first time around. He's adorable and loveable but it's not enough to save this floundering mess. John Goodman does his best to play a bad guy but there's just one problem for me - I see him as nothing but a huggable teddy bear. Everything was rushed, the dialogue was laughably bad and the humor just wasn't funny at all.

Grade: D-

A Mighty Heart - I honestly can't think of a time when I've been more bored by a movie. Which is disappointing since I really had high hopes for this film. It tells the true story of journalist Danny Pearl (Dan Futterman) who disappears while on assignment in Pakistan and never comes home. Meanwhile, his pregnant wife Mariane (Angelina Jolie) has enlisted all kinds of people who look like each other and have accents you can't understand to try to find him before it's too late. Well, everyone knows that it is too late. Danny Pearl is beheaded on a videotape that is sent to Mariane's friends. Anyway, the movie is just a jumbled mess. There's too much going on and it becomes completely distracting, confusing and convaluted. After Danny goes missing, there's a lot of the same thing happening over and over: lots of random "Danny is missing" phone calls followed by discussions around a table and writing notes on a dry erase board. Then... more random "Danny is missing" phone calls followed by discussions around a table and writing notes on a dry erase board. Then... well, you get the point. The thing that probably bothered me most though was that Danny Pearl, who we are supposed to care about and worry about, the "heart" of the film, I guess, was barely in it. He was just a guy who showed up in a couple scenes and was sort of presented as this brilliant man who was stupid enough to be set up by these men who kidnapped him. The title of the movie is certainly kind of ironic since the movie has virtually no heart. The movie lacks any sort of emotion whatsoever and is just flat and boring. Now let's talk about Angelina. Her performance is completely unimpressive until one scene about 20 minutes from the end of the film. You know, the scene when she finds out her husband is dead. It proves her Oscar win for Girl, Interrupted was not a fluke. She's got talent. It's just a shame that her tabloid fodder life is getting in the way of her acting. She's no longer able to become a character. For me, I was never watching Mariane Pearl. I was watching Angelina Jolie do her best impression of Mariane Pearl.

Grade: D+