Horror Movie Month - Best Lists...

No explanations. Just lists.

Ten Best Horror Villains
10. Betsy Palmer as Mrs. Voorhees in FRIDAY THE 13TH
09. Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger in A NIGHTMARE ON ELEM STREET
08. Kathy Bates as Annie Wilkes in MISERY
07. Adelina Poerio as The Dwarf in DON'T LOOK NOW
06. Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector in THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
05. Ruth Gordon as Minnie Castevet in ROSEMARY'S BABY
04. Gunnar Hanson as Leatherface in THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE
03. Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates in PSYCHO
02. Tony Moran as Michael Myers in HALLOWEEN
01. Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance in THE SHINING

Ten Best Horror Heroines / Heroes
10. Max von Sydow and Jason Miller as Father Merrin and Father Karras in THE EXORCIST
09. Jodie Foster as Clarice Starling in THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
08. Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley in ALIEN
07. Shelley Duvall as Wendy Torrance in THE SHINING
06. Sissy Spacek as Carrie White in CARRIE
05. Mia Farrow as Rosemarry Woodhouse in ROSEMARY'S BABY
04. Camille Keaton as Jennifer Hills in DAY OF THE WOMAN (aka I Spit On Your Grave)
03. Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode in HALLOWEEN
02. Donald Pleasance as Dr. Sam Loomis in HALLOWEEN
01. Marilyn Burns as Sally Hardesty in THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE

Ten Best Horror Movies
10. Sleepaway Camp
09. The Silence of the Lambs
08. Near Dark
07. Suspiria
06. Day of the Woman aka I Spit On Your Grave
05. Psycho
04. Rosemary's Baby
03. The Shining
02. Halloween
01. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Horror Movie Month - Severance (2006)

Severance
The Stars - Toby Stephens, Laura Harris, Danny Dyer
The Gist - A sales group - employeed by an international weapons company - head out for a team building retreat weekend at a swanky and deluxe new lodge in the country in Hungary. After a misunderstanding with their bus driver, they are left to walk through the woods and come across a lodge that is neither swanky or deluxe. They hole up there as a group of psychotic killers stalk and murder them.
The Scares - Well, not really. It's your typical, jumpy sort of movie. However, there is a black sense of humor involved in the project that is refreshing. For the most part, the humor keeps the story going when it turns into a typical slasher fest, which is really what it is. Not to say it's not enjoyable at times, it's just nothing original or special.
The Body Count - Approximately 213, give or take.
The Grade - C

Horror Movie Month - Saw V

Saw V (2008)
The Stars - Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Scott Patterson, Betsy Russell, Julie Benz, Meagan Good
The Gist - Jigsaw may be dead... but his legacy lives on! This time, in the form of ANOTHER behind the scenes, top secret follower. Just like Amanda Young came out of the blue to carry on his legacy a few movies ago (and who even remembers which one that was...) before she bit the dust, Jigsaw has another cult member to do his dirty work - in the form of Detective Hoffman (Mandylor). Typical Saw fare ensues... and depending on whether you like the francise or not that's either a good thing or a bad thing. I thought two of the four previous films were pretty damn good and, happily, this one falls in line with those.
The Scares - Saw was never really scary, per se. It's usually gory although this sequel isn't nearly as gory as some of the previous films. What Saw does when it's at it's best is deliver a very good thrilling story that is at times very difficult to follow but - lame joke ahead - at the end all the PIECES fit into the PUZZLE. (Ha!). V is no exception. If you are a Saw diehard (which I am not) and you've seen the previous four a hundred times then you will probably have no trouble with the way the film jumps around from time to time. However, if the last saw film you saw was when IV was in theaters, you may have a little trouble following the action and the twists. However, at the end it all comes together and makes for a pretty decent horror ride.
The Body Count - Well, it's hard to say. I'm not counting flashbacks so I'm going to go with 7 although two people may somehow pull through and we may or may not see them again in part VI.
The Grade: B-

Horror Movie Month - Last House in the Woods

Last House in the Woods (2006)
The Stars: Daniela Virgilio, Daniele Grassetti, Gennaro Diana, Santa De Santis
The Gist: A young couple are trying to come to terms with their relationship (what it was / what it is) and as they discuss this (randomly on the side of a creepy road), they are interrupted by a group of thugs that beat up Rino (Grassetti) and try to rape Aurora (Virgilio). However, an older couple driving pass saves the day and takes them back to their even creepier house in the woods to recover. Unbeknownst to the young couple, the older couple have a secret which will terrify them.
The Scares: It's not so much scary as it is gory as hell. That said, it's not exactly a terrible movie. It is cluttered and disjointed. There's a lot of borrowing from other films - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wrong Turn, etc. It's considerably well shot with neatly realized images and fast moving zooms. Even when the director decides to shake the camera, it adds to the harrowing vibe of the film. There are moments of amusing and outrageous Italian horror but mostly it's hit or miss. Albeit, the back story is very interesting.
The Body Count: Eight which seems to be the median in modern horror films.
The Grade: C- [Maybe would have gotten a little higher had it not been dubbed - I'd rather read subtitles].

Horror Movie Month - Hatchet (2006)

Hatchet (2006)
The Stars - Joel Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, and Tony Todd
The Gist - Ben (Moore) is fed up with drinking and looking at half naked girls all week at Mardi Gras so he encourages his bestie (Richmond) to accompany him on a haunted ghost ride through the swamp. Little do they know that there is an actual ghost with a story - Victor Crowley was a deformed man who was ridiculed by kids growing up. One Halloween, a few teenagers set his cabin on fire. His father tried to save him but instead accidentally put a hatchet through his skull. Since then, he haunts the swamp! After the tour boat hits a rock and starts to sink, the group is stuck in Crowley's territory.
The Scares - While the movie is dubbed as the scariest horror movie in the last decade, I tend to disagree. It's not that the film is bad per se. It IS old school horror but it's not exactly good either. It's typical and it's gratitous. The best part of the whole damn thing is the fact that Tony Todd turns up in a cameo to play a guy named Reverand Zombie.
The Body Count - Nine for sure. We're left to believe two more bite the dust so I'll go with eleven. Unless you count Crowley's father, who died of a broken heart after accidentally murdering his son... then you get twelve.
The Grade: C

Horror Movie Month - Prom Night (2008)

Prom Night
The Stars - Brittany Snow, Scott Porter, Jessica Stroup, Jonathan Schaech, half the supporting cast of Heroes.
The Gist - The only thing this lame remake has in common with the original Disco dancing horror extravaganza known as Prom Night is the name... and the fact that it takes place on, well, prom night. Donna (Snow) lost her parents and younger brother when they were brutally murdered by a psychopathic teacher (Schaech) who was obsessed with her. Three years later, he breaks out of the mental hospital where he's been committed and comes back to town to find Donna. Along the way, he kills most of her scantilly clad friends.
The Scares - Not so much. Because it's rated PG13 and because it's made after 1985, there are nothing more than cheap scares designed to make you jump. Obviously, these people don't understand that most of the scares from older horror movies come from the fact that they find a way into your head. Prom Night lacks any sort of substance or excitement. It's boring. The script is mediocre at best. Plus, I can't think of one single scary moment.
The Body Count - Either 9 or 13, depending on the way you look at it. I'm pessimistic, so I'll go with 13.
The Grade - D+

Eagle Eye, Nick and Norah, How to Lose Friends...

Eagle Eye - At the very least it's entertaining. Entertaining in a "wow, this will never ever happen" kind of way. I'm all about conspiracy theories and corrupt government tales but, geez, even this one is pushing it. I'm not going to give away the big surprise but I will say that it's disappointing to say the least. I am still on the side of the fence that thinks Shia LaBeouf is fantastic. Maybe he's not as good of an actor as someone like Emile Hirsch or Paul Dano but he is charming as hell. He's got that perfect sort of combination of charm, wit and looks. So, watching him for two hours (only it felt like three) was great. I can't say that this movie is good per se but it is exciting at times and it will at least keep your interest, even if it is a little hard to follow at times. Still, it's not a bad way to kill two hours.
Grade: C+

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - The same could be said for Nick and Norah. Not a bad way to kill two hours. It's at times very funny, it's always very hipster friendly but it's mostly predictable and cliche. It's maybe trying too hard to be cool. But, then again, aren't most hipsters trying too hard to be cool? Anyway, the film follows one crazy night in New York City and the adventures of a bunch of teens as they try to make it to a secret show by the elusive band Where's Fluffy. Much ensues, mostly focusing on our hero and heroine, Nick (Michael Cera - wonderfully funny and charming) and Norah (Kat Dennings - not as annoying as I thought she'd be). They have an attraction to one another but both have some issues with exes. Nick is still hung up on the Tris (the beautiful Alexis Dzenia) who broke his heart and Norah is on-again / off-again with Tal (one of my celeb crushes, Jay Baruchel whose very presence makes this a better movie). Anyway, the movie is fun at times and very funny at times as well. Still, we've seen it all before. Mostly the "plus" here is for whoever cast this film because the cast is pretty fricking great - even if they don't always have the greatest material.
Grade: C+

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - It's pretty sad when I have to type the following sentence... "Thank heavens for Kirsten Dunst." Yeah, I said it. I'm not her biggest fan (or her fan at all, really) but she's really the only thing decent about this movie. Her Alice (or Allison... I'm not entirely sure... that's how much I didn't care about this movie) is the living embodiment of most women in their twenties and she does a damn good job portraying the confusion and frustration. Lead Simon Pegg, usually funny and charming, is trite and boring here. Hottie Megan Fox does a solid job being hot... but that's about it. For being billed as a comedy, the only funny things really come out of Jeff Daniels mouth - and that's not really a surprise. Overall, this movie is pretty boring.
Grade: D

88 Minutes - Why Al Pacino why? I don't even know what to say about this mess. First of all, yes, it's called 88 minutes and it runs for almost two hours. I'm fine with that. There is a deeper meaning to the phrase "88 minutes." I mean, if you can call "lame filler back story" deep then sure. The supporting cast is terrible. The script is terrible. The big outcome twist is apparent to anyone with half a brain. And, really, why Al Pacino? Why?
Grade: D-