The Vow (DVD)

Here's an interesting thing I learned while watching the opening credits of The Vow: despite my very popular belief that it was, it, in fact, is NOT based on a book by Nicholas Sparks. Go figure. Instead, it's supposedly based on a true story of a couple who get into a car accident. The wife then loses her memory but, as fascinating movie scripts go, she only loses her memory for the exact amount of time that she's been married to her new husband. The entire movie is very trite and unconvincing. I guess it's maybe loosely based on a true story.
Anyway, Rachel McAdams, who is not my favorite actress in the world, plays Paige, an artist / sculptor who lives in Chicago with her husband Leo (Channing Tatum). They had a quirky relationship which culminated in getting married illegaly inside a museum and saying in their vows that they won't fight over red velvet cake. I'm all for the quirky relationship. I'm as quirky as they come. My problem here? Well, I can't think of any two people in the entire world who are less quirky than Rachel "I've never had a bad hair day and was probably prom queen" McAdams and Channing "My God, I'm so hot I can barely stand it" Tatum. I found it extremely hard to fathom that McAdams and Tatum were these artsy / boho / king and queen of the island of misfit toys characters. Just because you put a fedora on someone, it doesn't make them a musician hipster.
Anyway, post-accident, Paige doesn't remember any of her life with Leo. Instead, she remembers being in law school (she's dropped out), living with her family (who she hasn't spoken to in five years) and being engaged to swarmy lawyer Jeremy (Scott Speedman... yum (pity the girl who has to choose between Speedman and Tatum!)). So, Leo sets out to make her fall in love with him all over again. Frustration, cliches and "romance" ensues.
Plainly put - The Vow is just not good. It has all the cliches you would expect in a romantic comedy and then some. The writing is horrid. The romance is unbelieveable and even boring. You just don't care about these characters, really, at all. Paige is frustrating and kind of annoying. This continues a streak of movies where McAdams continues to play unlikable harpies and somehow people continue to like her and I, for one, don't get it. Tatum does a great job with what he's got to work with. I've long been a fan of Tatum and I'm so happy that his career is blowing up right now and he's getting a lot of credit that he deserves. If you think he's just another pretty face (and body) that can't act then I suggest you watch A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints, Stop Loss and Haywire. In that order. Also, pretty much all I think about 24/7 right now is Magic Mike. Anyway, try as Tatum's biceps and ass and cute smile might, they can't make The Vow anything other than a cheesy, over done cliche. If this is what Hollywood thinks of romance and love, then I'm not interested.
Grade: D+

The Lucky One

So, I already made excuses for one mediocre movie this year just because the star(s) was/were hot. (See also: This Means War starring Tom Hardy and Chris Pine). My quota has been filled. I can't do it again. (Although, I reserve the right to change my mind if Magic Mike ends up being terrible). So, yes, Zac Efron finally looks like a man. He's super hot and even a little charming. But that doesn't change the fact that The Lucky One is a terribly trite, terribly boring "romance." I put romance in parenthesis because the stars have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever. I imagine it has to be easy to have chemistry with someone as good looking as Efron, although, his acting is so wooden and stiff here that it's not too surprising.

The Lucky One is opens with Efron as a Marine overseas during a night raid. The next morning, he is sitting on a brick wall and sees something shimmering in the sunlight. He goes over to pick up this picture of a pretty blonde just as the brick wall is bombed and everyone dies. This pretty girl in the picture saves his life. Eight months later, he makes it out alive and decides to find this woman so that he can thank her. He does end up finding her (a little too easily, no??) but instead of thanking her, he decides to work for her at her dog kennel instead. He bonds with her precocious curly haired son and her feisty grandmother (Blythe Danner, seriously the only good thing about this movie) but pretty Beth (Taylor Schilling) is a little more distant. Eventually they fall in love, or whatever, and Efron takes his shirt off and that's nice, but unfortunately that's about it. Oh, sure, there's a sub plot about Beth's semi-evil ex-husband who is a cop and the son of a judge and who is abrasive and maybe abusive and drinks a lot and makes a lot of threats. But his character is so two dimensional that you don't even care. In fact, that can be said about all of the characters. I didn't care about a single one of them.

The script was cheesy as can be. The direction was fine, I guess. Efron, who I think could get past this stigma attached to him and become a really respected star... if only he'd start picking the right kinds of movies, was wooden and was missing that charimsa that I know he has. Schilling was fine, I guess, although, again, I didn't care a bit about her. Danner was the only thing that kept this movie going and her part was so small, they couldn't even fully take advantage of her. I will say that the absolute best part of the movie was the beautiful scenery. The movie was filmed in New Orleans and so I immediately want to move there, of course. Overall, The Lucky One was just another sappy, pathetic movie starring pretty people all dressed up as a love story we are supposed to believe. The sentiment is nice, I guess, but the story is so unbelievable that it's hard to find a way to care.

Grade: D+

The Avengers

Some of the reasons I wasn't a huge fan of The Avengers has absolutely nothing to do with the movie itself. The theater in which I saw the film had terrible sound. I guess they were expecting the action scenes to be so loud that the volume was so low during the dialogue that I missed a lot of it. For the first hour or so, I only understood about every fifth word, missing important plot points and funny dialogue. Not to mention, I was lucky enough to be sitting next to two pre-teen girls who clearly didn't spend their money on the movie, because if they did spend twenty-two dollars to see The Avengers in 3D, they would not have gossiped and gabbed for two and a half hours straight. I mean, I guess I understood the basic plot which was that Loki stole that giant glowing blue thing and threatened to demolish the world and the Avengers had to stop him and his alien army. If there were any finer points to the plot, they were all but lost on me thanks to the universe working against me. I'm the kind of person who likes to get lost completely in a movie so that I can fully enjoy it. Due to all the theater distractions, that just never happened with The Avengers, and that's a shame, because I was stoked about seeing the movie.

Then there are the reasons I didn't love The Avengers that were in the control of the movie. First off, it was at least twenty minutes too long. They definitely could have trimmed that final epic battle scene (although it was bad ass... it just could have been a little shorter). Plus, the first hour or so was pretty much catching up with your favorite super hero. And while it was fun to see what Iron Man and Captain America and The Hulk have been up to in the years since we've seen them on screen, that sequence could have been streamlined a little bit so that it played quicker. Then there's the relationship between Thor and Loki. I know it was touched upon in the film Thor, but I think more attention should have been paid to the interesting dynamic between a heroic man when your brother is trying to decimate Earth. That's an interesting concept and was broached only in a small throwaway scene completely with a funny one liner I barely heard.

This isn't to say there weren't good things about The Avengers. There were. I mean, it was FUN! Watching Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye beat the crap out of aliens during that last big battle scene was FUN! Yes, it was so much fun that the word deserves to be in all caps. The action sequences are thrilling, exciting and well done. Kudos to director Joss Whedon for not getting too bogged down because sometimes in action movies, the sequences can end up looking like a jumbled mess but that's definitely not the case here.

The acting is absolutely top notch but that's sort of to be expected from a super hero movie that boasts the most Oscar nominees featured in a film from that genre. Playing billionaire genius Tony Stark / Iron Man must be second nature to Robert Downey Jr. by now and he continues to be exciting in the role. Tony Stark, with his dry wit and sarcastic humor, is the perfect character for Downey and he nails the character every time. Chris Evans as the loyal leader Captain America is great as well, nailing the earnest, good natured vibe of the character. Mark Ruffalo is fantastic as Bruce Banner / the Hulk and you get the feeling that if he'd been playing the character previously than the last two incarnations of the character wouldn't have been so unsuccessful. He's fantastic and endearing as the character and ridiculously likeable. Chris Hemsworth is sort of a waste as Thor. With such a missed opportunity for a great storyline for his character, he pretty much just goes through the motions as a big, powerful demigod. Scarlett Johansson is totally bad ass as the Black Widow, a deadly assassin / spy. I genuinely hope that rumored spin off happens because her character is mysterious enough that I'd love to learn some back story. Jeremy Renner, who, in my personal opinion, is the best actor in The Avengers is totally and completely wasted. He barely gets any screen time at all until the big climax and then he just gets to shot arrows at things while looking in another direction. He's cool, I guess, but completely wasted.

But, of course, any super hero movie is only as good as its villain. That's why The Dark Knight is (and probably always will be) the greatest super hero movie of all time. And the villain in the Avengers is superb. Played by Tom Hiddleston, Loki is a damn good bad guy, always one step ahead, always smarter than he appears. Even in captivity, you know he has the upper hand and he plays it so cool and collected, you can't help but believe he has the power to destroy the Earth.

Overall, The Avengers definitely was a great ride and lots of fun, I just wish I could have enjoyed it more, and that's not all necessarily the movies fault.

Grade: C+