The Rite (DVD)

Are you interested in watching yet another exorcism movie based on a true story? I know I sure as hell am not interested. In fact, what makes things even less intriguing is the fact that this movie is completely boring and an utter waste of time. So, really, don't even bother.

The Rite stars Colin O'Donoghue as Michael, a man who doesn't want to follow in his father's footsteps and become a funeral director. So, instead of running away from home and moving to the Coast and taking up fishing or something more realistic, he decides to attend seminary school with the purpose of getting his free education and then resigning. Well, his teacher (Toby Jones) isn't having it and instead sends him off to Rome to learn about exorisms. There, he talks a lot about losing his faith and doubting God and all that jazz. The teacher there sends him to school with an unorthodox priest named Father Lucas (Anthony Hopkins) who shows him the inside track on performing exorcisms on 16 year old Italian girls who are knocked up by their daddy's. Sound enticing to you? Well, it's not.

Unfortunately for the movie, nearly nothing works in this movie. It's not scary enough to be a horror movie. It's not intelligent enough to be a complex study on the loss of faith. It's not compelling enough to be a psycho-theological character study. It's just one tedious, anti-climatic, completely predictable scene after another culminating in this most obvious final act ever. A lot of people have been hyping Anthony Hopkins performance, calling it his "best since Silence of the Lambs." If this is his second best performance ever than I'm worried about his future as a screen icon. I mean, I've been thinking a lot lately about what he's done and the only really great thing is Silence of the Lambs. I wonder why he's considered so iconic anyway. I haven't been that impressed with any of his other choices or performances and that goes for this film in a big way. He's wooden and hammy and showy and baity. His performance isn't anything to write home about. In fact, the only good thing I can say about this movie is that way O'Donoghue's character actually develops throughout the film and feels real and three dimensional. That's not even that strong of a selling point. Mostly I would say not to waste your time. Unless you are a huge fan of Chris Marquette who, for some reason, is in this movie for about 1 and a half minutes.

Grade: D-

The Green Hornet (DVD)

Well, the good news is that The Green Hornet is not the worst movie of the year. That's not to say it's good, or even average, but it is not terrible. The thing about it is there is a lot of talent involved and it's almost sort of a shame that it is as bad, or really, as grating as it is. Director Michel Gondry is responsible for directing one of the best movies of the 2000s (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) and his direction here is fine. It's just a shame he couldn't craft a better film.

The Green Hornet stars Seth Rogen (who also co-wrote with his Superbad/Pineapple Express writing partner Evan Goldberg) as spoiled, cocky rich brat Britt Reid. And there's your first problem. Or actually, first two problems. First of all, I'm sorry but Seth Rogen will never be a charismatic leading man action hero. He's lost a lot of weight and he looks great, but he will always be the slightly chubby, adorable teddy bear of a dude that you meet at a bar and want to get a drink with and maybe eat some burgers and get high and talk about comic books. Second of all, his character is so highly unlikeable that it is nearly impossible to cheer for him in any way. He's a jerk. A rich, spoiled dick who treats his bestie Kato (Jay Chou) like shit and nearly sexually harasses his brand new secretary, Lenore (Cameron Diaz). Anyway, after the sudden death of his billionaire publishing mogul dad (Tom Wilkinson), he takes over the responsibilities of running a newspaper and decides to become a superhero with the help of Kato, who is kind of bad ass and a martial arts expert. Needless to say, Kato does all the work but Reid takes all the credit. They beat up a lot of gang members and drug dealers but the ultimate showdown comes when they get mixed up with the man who practically runs the L.A. crime scene, Chudnofksy (Christoph Waltz).

And there's where it gets mildly interesting. Not the story line. No, that is watered down and so boggled down with mythology and back story and silliness that it doesn't even really matter. I mean, really, the entire third act is a fucking joke, so ridiculous and over the top, that it's not even entertaining. No, the interesting part is Christoph Waltz, who is magnetic on screen. He is evil incarnate, if he wants to be, but also funny as hell. This is why he won an Oscar for his brilliant portrayal in Inglourious Basterds. It's a shame there isn't really much for him to work with here. The terrible script (and Seth and Evan wrote a BRILLIANT script for Superbad!) almost turns him into a caricature, but Waltz manages to craft a bit of a believable comic book villain out of the crap he has to work with. He's simply fascinating to watch. The only other mildly enjoyable parts of the movie were the cameos by James Franco (!!) and Edward Furlong (!!!). Other than that, and I'm sorry to say it, this movie is a mess.

Grade: D+

Happy Birthday Meryl!

Today is Meryl Streep's 62nd birthday. Since she is the greatest living actress, I decided to make a top ten list of what I think are her best performances. No time for explanations, just a simple quick list in celebration of Queen Meryl!

10. The Bridges of Madison County (1995)
09. The Hours (2002)
08. A Cry in the Dark (1988)
07. Doubt (2008)
06. The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
05. Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
04. Sophie's Choice (1982)
03. Manhattan (1979)
02. The Deer Hunter (1978)
01. Ironweed (1987)

Drive Angry (DVD)

Okay, read closely because I'm not even making up this plot: Nicolas Cage plays John Milton, a man who dies and then escapes from hell in order to avenge his daughter's death. His daughter joined a cult and the evil cult leader, Jonah King (Billy Burke), killed her and then kidnapped her daughter (Nic's granddaughter) in order to sacrifice her so that he can unleash hell on Earth. Throw in Amber Heard as a pseudo badass waitress and William Fichtner giving the weirdest performance of all time as The Accountant, a.k.a. Death, I think, and you've got one hell of a bad, bad movie. Oh, and just for good measure, David Morse shows up as one of Milton's old buddies, proving that even the worst movies can attract talent for some strange reason.

As you may have guessed, I don't really have many (or any, really) good things to say about Drive Angry. It's one big car crash, really. Lots of car chases and gun fights and explosions. Like I said, Fichtner is the best thing about this movie and that's not necessarily because he's good. It's just that he's amusing in his strangeness. Heard is lucky she's hot because she's not such a great actress and doesn't really make a believable badass. Morse, who I think is one of the most underrated actors out there, is completely and utterly wasted and I don't even know why he would make a movie like this. Burke does his best at being a hammy, evil cult leader, looking all forlorn at the camera and trying to seem seductively mean. It doesn't work. And then there is Cage. I don't even know what to say about him anymore. There was a time when he was a damn good actor. Just watch Leaving Las Vegas and try to argue with me. But it's sort of like he is a huge joke now. The only good movie he's made in the last ten years (at least!) is The Bad Lieutenant and that's more because of Werner Herzog than him. He is just so over the top, even when he's being the obligatory "sinister killer of few words." He plays the same character over and over and it has become increasingly difficult to even watch him on screen.

Needless to say, Drive Angry is a terrible movie in every way, shape and form. It was a waste of an hour and a half and I wouldn't even recommend it to my worst enemy.

Grade: F

Super 8

Let's get the bad news out of the way. Super 8 is not perfect. I, personally, have never been a fan of seeing monsters in monster movies. I think that takes away from the thrill and mystery of it. Rather than see the monster outright, I prefer to see little glimpses and peeks. To me, monsters in monster movies just make the whole thing seem hokey. It's more terrifying if you don't know what you're scared of. I had the same problem with Cloverfield (although Super 8 is a far better movie than Cloverfield). I also wasn't super jumping out of my seat over the ending. I like the way that it ended, but I think director and writer J.J. Abrams could have done a little bit more with it.

Having said that, I thought Super 8 was a fantastic movie. Not only was it a damn near perfect summer blockbuster movie, but also it was just a great movie. It was a thrilling, whimsical ride that had everything: laughs, heart, romance, scares, and just great filmmaking and storytelling.

Super 8 follows a group of middle high students who use their summer vacation to make a zombie movie to submit to a Cincinnati film festival (the end product, shown during the credits, is hilariously wonderful). One night, they sneak out of their houses at midnight and meet up at the train station to film a poignoint scene. While filming, they witness an epic derailment of a government train (and I mean epic!). Soon, their small, sleepy Ohio town is being overrun by shady government officials and strange things start happening. All the town dogs disappear and are found days later miles and miles away, in the next county. The sheriff disappears and so do microwaves and stoves and engines to cars. The deputy (Kyle Chandler, a.k.a. Coach Taylor from my beloved show Friday Night Lights) is left in charge of a town that is flailing from all the unusual behavior and trying to deal with a military official (Noah Emmerich) who won't give him answers.

Super 8 takes place in 1979 and the movie has this old fashioned feel, like it's a movie of a different time and place. A simpler time, before video games and cell phones. A time when kids rode their bikes everywhere and the most trouble they got into was setting off a bunch of firecrackers. It's that childhood innocence that comes out so well in Abrams' film and the best parts of the film are those with the kids. And these kids are amazing! Riley Griffiths stars as the director extraordinaire Charles, Gabriel Basso is scardy cat Martin, and Ryan Lee is pyromaniac Cary. Then there is Elle Fanning as Alice, the beautiful strong willed girl who is the star of the zombie movie. Elle Fanning is the most likely 13 year old girl to become the next Meryl Streep, I think. She's even more talented than her sister. But it should be no surprise to anyone who has ever seen her act. What does come as a surprise is Joel Courtney, the 14 year old nobody who stars in the film as Joe, the son of the deputy who struggles with losing his mom and falling in love for the first time. This kid has never made a movie before. Courtney is a revelation. This is his first film, it's a huge summer blockbuster, and he completely carries the film. He is currently sitting atop my best actor list.

Overall, the only bad thing I can say about Super 8 is that I disliked how much of the monster we saw. The ending was a tad disappointing for me, as well. Other than that, Super 8 is a beautifully done, wonderful film that celebrates the joy and innocence of childhood as well as a pure unabashed love for filmmaking. It is a sweet natured, thrilling, smart movie. The acting, directing and writing are all superb and it is, by far, the best movie of 2011, so far.

Grade: B+

Mini Reviews: The Hangover Part 2, The Dilemma, X-Men: First Class

The Hangover Part 2 - In the sequel to the super hilarious The Hangover, the wolf pack is back and this time in Thailand. It starts out much the same - a terrible phone call - and then flashes back to a few days earlier and shows you how things play out. This time around, Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Allen (Zach Galifianakis) attend Stu's (Ed Helms) wedding in Thailand. Stu is still a bit stunned from the events of the first film, so he doesn't want a bachelor party. Still, things get crazy and the three guys wake up in a dive motel one morning and can't find Stu's fiancee's little brother. Then they must retrace their steps and try to figure out what happens. Much like the first, they find the brother in the eleventh hour and relive their crazy night via pictures at the end. That's just the thing. It's sooo much like the original. And, I mean, to a certain extent that's great. Don't fix it, if it's not broken, right? But this is pretty much just a shot for shot remake in a different city with slightly different events. Is it funny? Sure. But it's nowhere near as laugh out loud crazy as the original. It's got it's moments but sequels can never really live up to their predecessors. They are inferior films by definition alone. The Hangover Part 2, unfortunately, is no different.
Grade: C+

The Dilemma - What the hell was Ron Howard thinking? He's made some pretty great films but this is sooo not one of them. Vince Vaughn and Kevin James star as besties. Vaughn is dating Jennifer Connelly and James has somehow manages to snag himself Winona Ryder. One day, Vaughn's Ronny discovers that Ryder's Geneva is cheating with a hottie named Zip (Channing Tatum). Hence, the dilemma. Should he tell his best friend? Should he wait a few days until the stress of a big work project passes? Who gives a crap? You don't care about these awful, hateful, unlikeable characters. They are all liars and cheaters. Plus, the movie is not funny at all. I didn't laugh once. And Vauhgn is someone I generally find funny. Also, I'm sorry, but if Kevin James manages to marry someone as hot and out of his league as Winona Ryder then I'm pretty sure he should allow her to cheat on him with Channing Tatum. (Just kidding!). Still, I don't have a single good thing to say about this movie and I clearly found my first possibility for Worst Movie of the Year.
Grade: F

X-Men: First Class - By no means am I a huge X-Men fan. I saw the previous trilogy. I guess I can say, overall, I enjoyed them. They had their positives and their negatives. Still, I wasn't hopping out of my seat to see this prequel. Let's just say - I was pleasantly surprised. X-Men: First Class is fun and exciting. It's got a ridiculously talented and hot young cast (James McAvoy as Xavier, Michael Fassbender as Magneto, Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique, Zoe Kravitz as Angel). The story line was a bit confusing but interesting. It seems Erik / Magneto was raised and tested by a Nazi doctor and he's now all grown up and seeking revenge. Turns out the Nazi doctor is also a mutant named Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) who is hell bent on starting World War III. Erik teams up with Charles who is now helping out Rose Byrne and the CIA. They start finding a bunch of young mutants and train them to stop Shaw and the Bay of Pigs AND the potential World War III. The movie meanders a bit, and could have lost about 20 minutes or so on the editing floor, but overall I can't say too many bad things about it. It's fun and enjoyable and what else do you want out of a comic book summer movie? Fassbender is a total bad ass as Erik / Magneto. Remember his name because he is going to be HUGE. Bacon gives a great performance as the villain of the film. There are also two really great, well done cameos in the film. All in all, X-Men: First Class is surprisingly and refreshingly damn good.
Grade: B