Obsessed

Predictable. Routine. Boring. Not unique in any way. Poorly written. Those are just a few of the words to describe Obsessed. If you couldn't tell the outcome a mile away then I feel sorry for you. The script was terrible and the directing was not impressive in the least. The movie was only about two hours long but it felt nearly double that, especially in the middle when it really felt like time just stopped. There was one thing that it ALMOST had going for it... and that is Beyonce. Beyonce was sort of a bad ass in this movie. Well, first she was annoying as an uber-jealous wife. She was all, "you can't have a female assistant." And if I was her husband, I would have said, "Bitch, please, I'll do what I want." But about half way through the movie, Beyonce became a DIVA (a female version of a hustla). During a huge fight with her husband, Miss Queen B was all, "Take your toothbrush and your underwear and you can go straight to hell. Or at least the Four Seasons." And she was telling him to get out of HER house (even though she had no job and he clearly paid the bills) but I wanted to be one of those people who yelled out during movies and just say, "You go girl!!" I need to stop here and digress because this raving about Beyonce may be misconstrued by some into me saying she's a good actress. She's not. At all. But her campy, B-movie type performance was perfect for this movie because it was so damn bad. Anyway, back to Beyonce and her diva, bad ass self. At the end she had this huge knock down drag out cat fight with Ali Larter (who was trying to steal her hot man, and I guess who can blame her?!). Husband calls half way through the fight and Beyonce's like, "I'm gonna have to call you back." B needs to finish kicking some ass. They somehow go to the attic and the floorboards break - SPOILER ALERT (although you shouldn't waste your money) - and Ali Larter (whose character name I don't even remember because this movie was so awful) is hanging from the a hole in the floor, dangling over a glass table... and then I lose all respect for Beyonce. (Or her character, I guess, Sharon. Although Beyonce so does NOT look like a person named Sharon). Beyonce tries to help Ali Larter up!!!! What the hell!?!?! Ali is a crazy bitch in this movie. You know she's going to try to drag you down with her, B! Instead of helping her, you need to take your 4 inch stiletto heel and dig it into her hand and watch her plummet to her death! That's what a bad ass diva would have done! And so then I really hated the movie. Even more than ever. Then they had the tenacity to play a Beyonce song over the closing credits. I mean, really. It just couldn't get any worse.
Grade: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFf
Beyonce almost saved it but noooooooooo. Just ended up making it worse. Also, I apologize if this review is all over the place but that's what caffeine does to me.

Mini Reviews...

I Love You, Man - Often very, very funny and only sometimes grating, I Love You, Man is definitely a fun movie. The plot doesn't exactly make a lot of sense - Paul Rudd is a newly engaged man who has no guy friends so he goes on the hunt for a best friend / best man (eventhough he has a brother who could easily fill the job). He goes on a series of hilarious man dates and eventually meets Sidney, played by the hilarious Jason Segel (who, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, is the funniest man alive). This movie would be a total bust if it wasn't for Rudd and Segel.
Grade: B-

Duplicity - Julia Roberts and Clive Owen have some amazing chemistry, that's for sure. Director Tony Gilroy follows up Michael Clayton with Duplicity which is about a hundred times more fun that his previous effort. However, the movie may be too smart for it's own good and it has probably too many twists and turns. But, damn, if it isn't fun.
Grade: C+

Knowing - You know what? I absolutely loved Knowing... up until about the last twenty minutes when it just turned ridiculous. Up until then, however, Nicolas Cage's latest effort to remind us that he used to be a good actor (and isn't anymore) was engaging enough and entertaining enough and it wasn't nearly as stupid as I'd imagined it would be. The last twenty minutes is just flat out ridiculous though. Although, the "+" is for the fact that they actually stuck to their guns.
Grade: D+

Adventureland - The only person that might give Jason Segel a run for his money on the "funniest man alive" thing is Martin Starr. How I love Martin Starr!!! Without Martin Starr Adventureland would be a cute coming of age tale. With Martin Starr it becomes a hilariously witty and sardonic comedy.
Grade: B

Fast & Furious - Something that's been bothering me - Why isn't Jordana Brewster a bigger star? She's hot enough. She isn't a terrible actress. She's done all the right kinds of movies (teen horror, iconic slasher series, huge action movie). Then I discovered that she's only 28 which means she should be getting all of Megan Fox's roles because she's hotter than Megan Fox, for sure, and she's not any less talented than Fox. They are both at the same level of "hot girl who can kinda act" (as opposed to Jessica Alba who is at the "hot girl who can't act her way out of a paper bag" level). Anyway, the long awaited sequel is fun. The action is great. It's not going to save the world or anything but it's entertaining.
Grade: C

Timecrimes - Probably the best movie I've seen in a very long time. It's a crazy time travel film. Foreign. Subtitles. But so, so, so brilliant with lots of "OMG" moments. I highly recommend everyone Netflix this movie RIGHT NOW!
Grade: A-

I know I've been neglecting this blog but I vow to stop! Movies lately have been so boring. I have nothing really exciting to say. Television, on the other hand, is great right now. I am currently addicted to Friday Night Lights and Breaking Bad, which are the two best shows on TV. Period.
I'm also addicted to Twitter.