Worst Movies of 2010

So, my Best of lists will be coming the first week of January (as long as I can see freaking Black Swan by then!!!!) but for now I thought I'd do my Worst Films of the year list...

10. Happiness Runs - Every once in a while, a really great movie goes straight to DVD. This is not that movie. Okay, okay. I only watched it in the first place for Shiloh Fernandez. But this movie (about the inner workings of a hippie cult and the teens who want to break away from it) is just plain awful.

09. The Killer Inside Me - Casey Affleck stars as a Texas sherriff who goes a little crazy and starts killing people, including his hooker mistress (Jessica Alba). I mean, Affleck's performance is pretty great but this movie has absolutely no point whatsoever. It's just very bad. Maybe it's because the story is so poorly laid out? I'm not sure. Just a big waste of time.

08. Date Night - Incredibly, incredibly unfunny. Thank goodness for James Franco, who is the only, THE ONLY, good thing about this terribly unfunny script. I mean, Steve Carell and Tina Fey are funny, right? Not in this movie! Mistaken idenities lead the suburban couple on a crazy night in NYC. It's watchable but it's not a comedy.

07. The Back Up Plan - Jennifer Lopez stars as a woman who becomes pregnant via artificial insemination and THEN meets the man of her dreams. Again, here is a romantic comedy that is neither romantic nor comedic. Just another huge waste of time.

06. Book of Eli - Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis... sounds like a great cast right? Too bad they are stuck in such a shitty post-apocalyptic movie about... the Bible? Who even knows or cares. Denzel walks across the country, fighting people, being a wannabe bad ass and also super annoying.

05. Hot Tub Time Machine - Why John Cusack!?!?!! Awesome name. Awesome premise. Awesome cast. But none of it works at all. Instead of some sort of soul searching 80s comedy, it's sexist and uses the lamest jokes of all time. Oooh, that girl is wearing leg warmers! Hilarious! Michael Jackson used to be black! Hilarious. Clark Duke is the only good thing about this movie. He needs to start picking better movies. He's above this crap.

04. Eat Pray Love - So, I loved the book. I really didn't think the main character was quite so... obnoxious in the book, but I could be wrong. Because in the movie, played by extremely likeable Julia Roberts, she becomes the most annoying person on Earth. Oooh, pity me because I'm rich and white and men throw themselves at me everywhere I go and I've never been single or alone for a day in my entire life. And I'm a writer and I have the ability to leave my job for a year and travel to Italy and India and Bali. Fuck you, must be nice.

03. Edge of Darkness - I knew I would hate this movie before I even saw it and I don't know why I wasted my money on a movie starring a racist, sexist, hateful person like Mel Gibson. Anyway, he's a cop. His daughter gets killed. Was it meant for him? He runs around like a man men and tries to solve the crime. The script is awful and nothing makes sense at all. Pure crap.

02. Daybreakers - Vampires, what a new and interesting development for 2010. Nobody makes vampire movies anymore! In this movie, it's the near future and pretty much everyone is a vampire. There are very few humans left and if they don't want to get bled dry, they have to come up with synthetic blood. They somehow put Ethan Hawke in charge of this. He should just call the guys from True Blood and see how they did it. Dumb times ten.

01. Legion - Just the worst movie of the year. I honestly tried to shut it out of my mind as much as I could so I don't exactly remember what it's about but there is a diner in the middle of nowhere and a pregnant waitress and a bunch of annoying rednecks and a good angel and a bad angel and a really shitty script and some godawful acting.

Catching up!

I know I have been neglecting this blog but no more! Here are some mini reviews to catch up on all the movies I've seen but didn't review. As of now, I will update regularly with reviews and more (think top ten lists, actor profiles, useless fun trivia, etc.). But first, mini reviews (from best to worst):

The Ghost Writer - First off, this film is completely and utterly predictable. I knew who the killer was almost instantly. Still, it's a well done, damn good thriller. Directed by the notorious Roman Polanski and starring Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnon and Olivia Williams, The Ghost Writer is a political thriller with a whole lot of conspiracy theory thrown in. When the ghost writer of an ex-prime minister mysteriously ends up dead due to an "accident", McGregor reluctantly takes over his job and starts to unravel a whole lot of secrets. He also finds out that the death wasn't so much an accident as it was murder. The closer he gets to finding out the truth, the more someone wants to murder him as well. However predictable the story is, the acting and directing are so damn good that it hardly matters. Plus, that ending is perfect. (B)

Piranha 3D - Seriously, the most fun I have had at a movie theater in as long as I can remember!! Remember when 3D first came out and the previews for My Bloody Valentine 3D started showing and I thought to myself, "A 3D horror movie? That's the third greatest idea of all time (after the snuggie and the microwave, obviously)." Then I saw My Bloody Valentine 3D and it was a bloody awful mess. Well, Piranha 3D does every single thing right! It's so trashy and so over the top and so damn fun! Just try to not have a good time at this movie. I'm not even going to tell you plot. Okay, how about piranha's go crazy during Spring Break at an idyllic lake. That's all you need to know besides the fact that the cast is actually all kinds of impressive: Elisabeth Shue as chief of police, Ving Rhames as her badass deputy, Adam Scott as a scientist, Steven R. McQueen as Shue's impressionable son, Jerry O'Connell as a sleazy porn entrepeneur. Then there are the super fun cameos from Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd. Plus, the movie was directed by Alexandre Aja who did High Tension and the super great remake of The Hills Have Eyes. I really want to give this a higher grade but I'm afraid all my credibility will be stripped away. (B)

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - In a summer of typical, awful movies, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was a ray of sunshine, completely original and completely creative. From Shaun of the Dead / Hot Fuzz director Edgar Wright, this adaptation of a highly revered comic book follows Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) and his quest to defeat the seven evil exes of his dream girl, Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). The supporting cast is perfection: Allison Pill, Johnny Simmmons, Mark Webber, Anna Kendrick, Jason Schwartzman, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh. Kieran Culkin as Scott's sarcastic gay roommate Wallace steals every single solitary scene he is in. (Also, I'm a dork and I totally did pick out the Tennessee Thomas cameo!). It all becomes a bit plotting. The fight scenes are all well done and different but there are SIX of them! Then there's that comic book / video game feel the game has which is super original and creative but it does get a little overwhelming at times. I'm not sure I was in love with all aspects of the ending but overall, I would recommend this super fun, super well done movie to anyone. (B)

The Girl Who Played with Fire - The second installment of the Millenium trilogy, this Swedish film follows the best female character in recent history, Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) as she is framed for the murder of two journalists. She and Mikael Blomquist, her ex-lover / journalist friend (Michael Nyqvist) become involved in a trafficking story that involves a lot of very high powered men. While not nearly as engaging as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the second installment is still a damn good movie. It does seem a little more rushed than the first, introducing characters on a whim and skipping past seemingly important story lines. Still, Noomi Rapace is a revelation. She is amazing as Lisbeth Salander, perfectly embodying the hacker punk heroine. Rooney Mara is going to have a hell of a lot to live up to. (B)

Winter's Bone - First off, Jennifer Lawrence is amaazing in the lead role. She is a real find. John Hawkes is also damn good in his supporting role as her uncle but then he has been a stellar supporting character actor for years now. The movie is basically about a 17 year old (Lawrence) whose dad has been in and out of jail. Her mom is mentally ill so she must raise her two younger siblings all by herself in some barren wasteland somewhere in the midewest. She finds out her dad has skipped bail and put their house up for collateral so she must find her dad within a week or the house will be taken from them. So, that's what she does. And it's all very plotting and boring. She just goes from one crazy relative to the next trying to find her dad. You're not sure if her relatives want to kill her or hug her and sometimes they do both in a matter of minutes. The performances are the only real saving factor here. (C+)

Machete - Look, I'm not going to tell you that Machete is some amazing, future Oscar winner or anything. It is very typically Robert Rodriguez. If you like his other films, then you will probably like this one. It is a lot of fun but there's nothing new here. He has a knack for writing interesting, far out characters (think Cherry in Planet Terror). Here we've got Machete (Danny Trejo), She (Michelle Rodriguez) and Lindsay Lohan who at one point wears a nun's habit while killing a bunch of bad guys. There's guns and fights and sex and blood. But it's a lot of fun. And, I mean, look, I was just there for Jeff Fahey. Also, dear Hollywood, next summer I would like a Machete vs. Piranha movie. You're welcome. (C)

Eat Pray Love - I have the same exact problem with the movie as I did with the book (although it didn't seem to annoy me quite as much with the book which I actually liked very much) - the main character, Elizabeth Gilbert, who also wrote the book, is a whiny little bitch! Watch as she whines about losing her husband while she's sleeping with a hotter version of him (Billy Crudup / James Franco, respectively). Watch as she whines about how lonely she is as she trapses around Italy, India and Bali. Watch as she talks about all the "poor little rich white girl" problems she has while she's interacting with people who have actual problems!! It seems like it's the Elizabeth Gilbert world with everything revolving around her. We just live in her world. It's all just a bit much. I didn't like Liz when I was reading the book although I did enjoy the travel aspect of the book. Julia Roberts, who has an immense likeability factor, can't even make me like this woman. Plus, this movie went on and on and on and on. It may have been two and a half hours long but it felt like five hours. (D)

Mini Reviews...

I Love You, Man - Often very, very funny and only sometimes grating, I Love You, Man is definitely a fun movie. The plot doesn't exactly make a lot of sense - Paul Rudd is a newly engaged man who has no guy friends so he goes on the hunt for a best friend / best man (eventhough he has a brother who could easily fill the job). He goes on a series of hilarious man dates and eventually meets Sidney, played by the hilarious Jason Segel (who, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, is the funniest man alive). This movie would be a total bust if it wasn't for Rudd and Segel.
Grade: B-

Duplicity - Julia Roberts and Clive Owen have some amazing chemistry, that's for sure. Director Tony Gilroy follows up Michael Clayton with Duplicity which is about a hundred times more fun that his previous effort. However, the movie may be too smart for it's own good and it has probably too many twists and turns. But, damn, if it isn't fun.
Grade: C+

Knowing - You know what? I absolutely loved Knowing... up until about the last twenty minutes when it just turned ridiculous. Up until then, however, Nicolas Cage's latest effort to remind us that he used to be a good actor (and isn't anymore) was engaging enough and entertaining enough and it wasn't nearly as stupid as I'd imagined it would be. The last twenty minutes is just flat out ridiculous though. Although, the "+" is for the fact that they actually stuck to their guns.
Grade: D+

Adventureland - The only person that might give Jason Segel a run for his money on the "funniest man alive" thing is Martin Starr. How I love Martin Starr!!! Without Martin Starr Adventureland would be a cute coming of age tale. With Martin Starr it becomes a hilariously witty and sardonic comedy.
Grade: B

Fast & Furious - Something that's been bothering me - Why isn't Jordana Brewster a bigger star? She's hot enough. She isn't a terrible actress. She's done all the right kinds of movies (teen horror, iconic slasher series, huge action movie). Then I discovered that she's only 28 which means she should be getting all of Megan Fox's roles because she's hotter than Megan Fox, for sure, and she's not any less talented than Fox. They are both at the same level of "hot girl who can kinda act" (as opposed to Jessica Alba who is at the "hot girl who can't act her way out of a paper bag" level). Anyway, the long awaited sequel is fun. The action is great. It's not going to save the world or anything but it's entertaining.
Grade: C

Timecrimes - Probably the best movie I've seen in a very long time. It's a crazy time travel film. Foreign. Subtitles. But so, so, so brilliant with lots of "OMG" moments. I highly recommend everyone Netflix this movie RIGHT NOW!
Grade: A-

I know I've been neglecting this blog but I vow to stop! Movies lately have been so boring. I have nothing really exciting to say. Television, on the other hand, is great right now. I am currently addicted to Friday Night Lights and Breaking Bad, which are the two best shows on TV. Period.
I'm also addicted to Twitter.