Worst Movies of 2010

So, my Best of lists will be coming the first week of January (as long as I can see freaking Black Swan by then!!!!) but for now I thought I'd do my Worst Films of the year list...

10. Happiness Runs - Every once in a while, a really great movie goes straight to DVD. This is not that movie. Okay, okay. I only watched it in the first place for Shiloh Fernandez. But this movie (about the inner workings of a hippie cult and the teens who want to break away from it) is just plain awful.

09. The Killer Inside Me - Casey Affleck stars as a Texas sherriff who goes a little crazy and starts killing people, including his hooker mistress (Jessica Alba). I mean, Affleck's performance is pretty great but this movie has absolutely no point whatsoever. It's just very bad. Maybe it's because the story is so poorly laid out? I'm not sure. Just a big waste of time.

08. Date Night - Incredibly, incredibly unfunny. Thank goodness for James Franco, who is the only, THE ONLY, good thing about this terribly unfunny script. I mean, Steve Carell and Tina Fey are funny, right? Not in this movie! Mistaken idenities lead the suburban couple on a crazy night in NYC. It's watchable but it's not a comedy.

07. The Back Up Plan - Jennifer Lopez stars as a woman who becomes pregnant via artificial insemination and THEN meets the man of her dreams. Again, here is a romantic comedy that is neither romantic nor comedic. Just another huge waste of time.

06. Book of Eli - Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis... sounds like a great cast right? Too bad they are stuck in such a shitty post-apocalyptic movie about... the Bible? Who even knows or cares. Denzel walks across the country, fighting people, being a wannabe bad ass and also super annoying.

05. Hot Tub Time Machine - Why John Cusack!?!?!! Awesome name. Awesome premise. Awesome cast. But none of it works at all. Instead of some sort of soul searching 80s comedy, it's sexist and uses the lamest jokes of all time. Oooh, that girl is wearing leg warmers! Hilarious! Michael Jackson used to be black! Hilarious. Clark Duke is the only good thing about this movie. He needs to start picking better movies. He's above this crap.

04. Eat Pray Love - So, I loved the book. I really didn't think the main character was quite so... obnoxious in the book, but I could be wrong. Because in the movie, played by extremely likeable Julia Roberts, she becomes the most annoying person on Earth. Oooh, pity me because I'm rich and white and men throw themselves at me everywhere I go and I've never been single or alone for a day in my entire life. And I'm a writer and I have the ability to leave my job for a year and travel to Italy and India and Bali. Fuck you, must be nice.

03. Edge of Darkness - I knew I would hate this movie before I even saw it and I don't know why I wasted my money on a movie starring a racist, sexist, hateful person like Mel Gibson. Anyway, he's a cop. His daughter gets killed. Was it meant for him? He runs around like a man men and tries to solve the crime. The script is awful and nothing makes sense at all. Pure crap.

02. Daybreakers - Vampires, what a new and interesting development for 2010. Nobody makes vampire movies anymore! In this movie, it's the near future and pretty much everyone is a vampire. There are very few humans left and if they don't want to get bled dry, they have to come up with synthetic blood. They somehow put Ethan Hawke in charge of this. He should just call the guys from True Blood and see how they did it. Dumb times ten.

01. Legion - Just the worst movie of the year. I honestly tried to shut it out of my mind as much as I could so I don't exactly remember what it's about but there is a diner in the middle of nowhere and a pregnant waitress and a bunch of annoying rednecks and a good angel and a bad angel and a really shitty script and some godawful acting.

Hot Tub Time Machine (DVD)

I had heard from quite a few seemingly reliable sources that Hot Tub Time Machine was enjoyable and very funny. One person even told me it was the best movie they had seen this year (so far). I couldn't disagree more.
The plot? Three former besties reunite after one of them seemingly tries to kill himself to go on a weekend getaway to a resort they frequented twenty years earlier. John Cusack plays Adam, a financially secure guy whose girlfriend just left him. His nephew Jacob (Clark Duke) lives in his basement where he avoids social contact and plays video games all day long. I'll say this straight up front- Duke is the only funny thing about this movie. Craig Robinson plays Nick, a former musician who gave it all up for his wife and now works at a pet store called "Sup Dawg?" Then there is Lou (a.k.a. The Violator) played by Rob Corddry) who is an all around mess up and may or may not have tried to kill himself. So off they go to Kodiak Valley, the once hot spot ski resort that is now a dump in a dying town. Still, the four of them (Jacob tags along, thankfully, to infuse some sort of life into this mess) manage to get their drink on and after they pass out in a hot time, they wake up in 1986.
There are a lot of really bad 80s jokes (involving leg warmers, Alf, cassette tapes and the color of Michael Jackson's skin). The guys are desperate to get out of the 80s when a mysterious handyman (Chevy Chase) tells them they can't change a thing about what really happened during this weekend in the 80s. Needless to say, craziness ensues, blah, blah, blah.
The movie is watchable, at best. At worst? It's completely unfunny and that's a bad thing for a comedy. Some of the "humor" is so gross that it made me hate the movie more than I probably originally would have. I don't think people projectile vomiting is funny and I think anyone besides a five year old or a frat boy would agree with me. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with all the ridiculousness and giant plot holes if the movie was actually funny or good. Lord knows I can overlook plot holes for a good movie (see: Inception). The movie pays homage to some classic 80s movies including Back to the Future (obviously), Sixteen Candles, Red Dawn and even The Terminator but all of those movies are far better than this mess.
While I love John Cusack to death, I am quite curious why he would get involved in this movie. Did he want to relive some of his 80s glory? That's possible. But with this mess and last year's 2012, his choices are becoming as frantic, unpredictable and ridiculous as those of James Franco. [When Cusack turns up on Days of Our Lives, we should worry.] Craig Robinson has stole so many scenes in so many movies and TV shows that it's a same to see him wasted away here. Corddry couldn't be any less funny if he actively tried to not be funny. Even the great cast of supporting actors who I usually LOVE (Lizzy Caplan, Crispin Glover, Sebastian Stan) couldn't save this movie. It's Clark Duke, then, that stands out as the only bright spot in this rather abysmal "comedy."
Grade: D