Horror Movie Month: The Thing

The Stars: Joel Edgerton, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

The Plot: An American paleontologist joins a group of Norwegian scientists in discovering a space craft and an alien life force frozen in the terrain of Antarctica. A.K.A. A prequel to John Carpenter's seminal horror classic of the same name.

The Scares: It's nowhere near as scary as the 1982 version, which is one of the scariest movies ever made, but that's not to say it's without merit. I was hesitant about this movie (although I love me some Joel Edgerton) because I thought it was a remake. Remember in the Carpenter version, when the group stumble upon the camp of the dead Norwegian scientists?? Well, this movie is about them. So, a prequel, I'm okay with. It can still steal from the original without blatantly ripping it off. This version isn't very original though. It's pretty much the same old thing, just not as scary. Horror movies from the 70s and early 80s were scary because they needed to set a tone and use a lot of different things in order to be scary. They didn't have the big budgets and special effects that exist today (and the creature effects in this version are awful). If anything, this prequel may get a few people from the younger generation interested in watching John Carpenter's version for the first time, and that's definitely a good thing. You can't argue with results like that.

The Body Count: Let's put it this way: only one person survives.

The Grade: C

Catching up!

I know I have been neglecting this blog but no more! Here are some mini reviews to catch up on all the movies I've seen but didn't review. As of now, I will update regularly with reviews and more (think top ten lists, actor profiles, useless fun trivia, etc.). But first, mini reviews (from best to worst):

The Ghost Writer - First off, this film is completely and utterly predictable. I knew who the killer was almost instantly. Still, it's a well done, damn good thriller. Directed by the notorious Roman Polanski and starring Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnon and Olivia Williams, The Ghost Writer is a political thriller with a whole lot of conspiracy theory thrown in. When the ghost writer of an ex-prime minister mysteriously ends up dead due to an "accident", McGregor reluctantly takes over his job and starts to unravel a whole lot of secrets. He also finds out that the death wasn't so much an accident as it was murder. The closer he gets to finding out the truth, the more someone wants to murder him as well. However predictable the story is, the acting and directing are so damn good that it hardly matters. Plus, that ending is perfect. (B)

Piranha 3D - Seriously, the most fun I have had at a movie theater in as long as I can remember!! Remember when 3D first came out and the previews for My Bloody Valentine 3D started showing and I thought to myself, "A 3D horror movie? That's the third greatest idea of all time (after the snuggie and the microwave, obviously)." Then I saw My Bloody Valentine 3D and it was a bloody awful mess. Well, Piranha 3D does every single thing right! It's so trashy and so over the top and so damn fun! Just try to not have a good time at this movie. I'm not even going to tell you plot. Okay, how about piranha's go crazy during Spring Break at an idyllic lake. That's all you need to know besides the fact that the cast is actually all kinds of impressive: Elisabeth Shue as chief of police, Ving Rhames as her badass deputy, Adam Scott as a scientist, Steven R. McQueen as Shue's impressionable son, Jerry O'Connell as a sleazy porn entrepeneur. Then there are the super fun cameos from Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd. Plus, the movie was directed by Alexandre Aja who did High Tension and the super great remake of The Hills Have Eyes. I really want to give this a higher grade but I'm afraid all my credibility will be stripped away. (B)

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - In a summer of typical, awful movies, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was a ray of sunshine, completely original and completely creative. From Shaun of the Dead / Hot Fuzz director Edgar Wright, this adaptation of a highly revered comic book follows Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) and his quest to defeat the seven evil exes of his dream girl, Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). The supporting cast is perfection: Allison Pill, Johnny Simmmons, Mark Webber, Anna Kendrick, Jason Schwartzman, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh. Kieran Culkin as Scott's sarcastic gay roommate Wallace steals every single solitary scene he is in. (Also, I'm a dork and I totally did pick out the Tennessee Thomas cameo!). It all becomes a bit plotting. The fight scenes are all well done and different but there are SIX of them! Then there's that comic book / video game feel the game has which is super original and creative but it does get a little overwhelming at times. I'm not sure I was in love with all aspects of the ending but overall, I would recommend this super fun, super well done movie to anyone. (B)

The Girl Who Played with Fire - The second installment of the Millenium trilogy, this Swedish film follows the best female character in recent history, Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) as she is framed for the murder of two journalists. She and Mikael Blomquist, her ex-lover / journalist friend (Michael Nyqvist) become involved in a trafficking story that involves a lot of very high powered men. While not nearly as engaging as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the second installment is still a damn good movie. It does seem a little more rushed than the first, introducing characters on a whim and skipping past seemingly important story lines. Still, Noomi Rapace is a revelation. She is amazing as Lisbeth Salander, perfectly embodying the hacker punk heroine. Rooney Mara is going to have a hell of a lot to live up to. (B)

Winter's Bone - First off, Jennifer Lawrence is amaazing in the lead role. She is a real find. John Hawkes is also damn good in his supporting role as her uncle but then he has been a stellar supporting character actor for years now. The movie is basically about a 17 year old (Lawrence) whose dad has been in and out of jail. Her mom is mentally ill so she must raise her two younger siblings all by herself in some barren wasteland somewhere in the midewest. She finds out her dad has skipped bail and put their house up for collateral so she must find her dad within a week or the house will be taken from them. So, that's what she does. And it's all very plotting and boring. She just goes from one crazy relative to the next trying to find her dad. You're not sure if her relatives want to kill her or hug her and sometimes they do both in a matter of minutes. The performances are the only real saving factor here. (C+)

Machete - Look, I'm not going to tell you that Machete is some amazing, future Oscar winner or anything. It is very typically Robert Rodriguez. If you like his other films, then you will probably like this one. It is a lot of fun but there's nothing new here. He has a knack for writing interesting, far out characters (think Cherry in Planet Terror). Here we've got Machete (Danny Trejo), She (Michelle Rodriguez) and Lindsay Lohan who at one point wears a nun's habit while killing a bunch of bad guys. There's guns and fights and sex and blood. But it's a lot of fun. And, I mean, look, I was just there for Jeff Fahey. Also, dear Hollywood, next summer I would like a Machete vs. Piranha movie. You're welcome. (C)

Eat Pray Love - I have the same exact problem with the movie as I did with the book (although it didn't seem to annoy me quite as much with the book which I actually liked very much) - the main character, Elizabeth Gilbert, who also wrote the book, is a whiny little bitch! Watch as she whines about losing her husband while she's sleeping with a hotter version of him (Billy Crudup / James Franco, respectively). Watch as she whines about how lonely she is as she trapses around Italy, India and Bali. Watch as she talks about all the "poor little rich white girl" problems she has while she's interacting with people who have actual problems!! It seems like it's the Elizabeth Gilbert world with everything revolving around her. We just live in her world. It's all just a bit much. I didn't like Liz when I was reading the book although I did enjoy the travel aspect of the book. Julia Roberts, who has an immense likeability factor, can't even make me like this woman. Plus, this movie went on and on and on and on. It may have been two and a half hours long but it felt like five hours. (D)

Live Free or Die Hard, Music and Lyrics (DVD)

Live Free or Die Hard - John McClane is back... and better than ever! It seems that summer movies are a bit disappointing so far. Pirates, Spiderman, Evan Almighty... all huge disappointments. But Die Hard does not disappoint. As a matter of fact, so far, it's definitely the most fun you'll have at the movies this summer. This time around McClane (Bruce Willis - who may be 52 in real life but runs around like a 25 year old... plus he's really sexy) has to go pick up and escort a hacker Matthew Ferrell (Justin Long) to FBI headquarters after their computers are hacked. McClane thinks this is a lame job... until he's almost masaquered at the kids apartment. In the meantime, the United States begins to crumble under a nationwide cyberspace attack known as a fire sale engineered by menacing bad guy Thomas Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant). Much like the other Die Hard flicks, logic isn't exactly the strong suit here. But it doesn't matter because it's sheer adrenaline packed excitement. McClane isn't just as tough and resourceful as ever, he is a wise ass at the top of his game. The action scenes are just amazing. There is a particular fight scene with Maggie Q that starts with a few punches and ends with a car chase into an elevator shaft that just blew my mind. And let's not even mention the scene where McClane is driving the 18-wheeler truck while being shot at and chased by a jet trying to bomb him. Long adds a lot of comedy although he doesn't really need to be there just for that... Willis is hilarious. They make a great team. Throw in Mary Elizabeth Winstead as McClane's tough daughter Lucy and Kevin Smith playing an uber hacker named The Warlock and this movie is just plain fun. Even with the PG-13 rating, McClane gets to utter his famous line (in a very, very, very clever way). In a summer filled with disappointments, its nice to see John McClane back. Live Free or Die Hard takes my spot as the best summer mover thus far.

Grade: B+

Music and Lyrics - We all know that romantic comedies are not my thing. Not at all. But, I will give this movie a little credit and say that it is, in the very least, cute. And to give it even more credit, the beginning of the movie is actually almost enjoyable. I actually really enjoyed the first 20 minutes or so which follow Hugh Grant's 80s has-been pop star meeting eccentric plant water lady Drew Barrymore. While Hugh's Alex is trying to write a pop song for a current chart topping sensation, Drew's Sophie randomly spouts a few inspiring lyrics and the two begin to write the song together. That part of the film I actually enjoyed. But once the song is actually written, the movie becomes boring. It becomes a cliche ridden romantic comedy again and loses some of its charm. I'm not saying it's a bad movie, but it's just like every other romantic comedy. None of them are really great and none of them are really bad. They are all the same. I couldn't even remember the main character's names (I had to look them up) because they are like every other main character in a romantic comedy. The film isn't really funny enough to recommend on a pure comedic level and it's not really romantic enough to reccommend on a pure romance level. It's predictable, it's forgettable, and after the first 20 minutes, it's mostly bland and boring. Although, the Pop Up Video at the end of the movie is quite enjoyable. But, basically, it's just your average romantic comedy. If it's your thing then you'll probably like it.

Grade: C