The Bling Ring + Friday Top Five

Ah, the disappointment! If I had made a list earlier this year of the top five movies I was most anticipating this year, The Bling Ring would have been on it (along with The Wolf of Wall Street, Fruitvale Station, The Spectacular Now and The Way Way Back). While the story seems very Lifetime movie worthy (based on the true story of a bunch of L.A. kids who decide to rob the houses of celebrities whose style they admire), with Sofia Coppola behind the camera, it had to be so much more than what it seemed. But I was wrong. The Bling Ring is exactly what it seems. There's no deeper meaning here. Sure, Coppola makes a few very interesting directing choices but for the most part, this is style over substance 101. Plus, for a Coppola movie, this has a very bad script. How many times can you watch a bunch of pretty teenagers break into a house (very easily, I might add) and say things like "Sick" "Hot" and "Oh My God!" The continuous montage of repeating images gets old very quickly. There is a saving grace here though. And that is the performances of Leslie Mann, and especially, ESPECIALLY, Emma Watson, who knocks it out of the damn park. I've never been impressed with her acting before (although I did manage to miss out on that whole Harry Potter craze), but she is so ridiculously good and, also, hilarious in this movie. She's not the star like the media will make you believe. She is supporting, but she steals the entire movie away from everyone else. The movie is almost worth seeing for her performance alone. But everything else is a disappiontment.

Grade: C+

The girls in The Bling Ring behave quite badly: breaking into celeb houses, stealing cars, money, shoes and clothes, snorting obsessive amounts of cocaine. However, if you want five better movies with bad girls, here they are, in this weeks Friday Top Five:

05. Dazed and Confused (Richard Linklater, 1993)
Quite possibly the epitome of mean girls, especially if you are a high school freshman, Parker Posey's Darla is a class A bitch. She gets her kick torturing younger girls and saying things like "Wipe that face off your head, bitch." Ah, high school!

04. Mean Girls (Mark Waters, 2004)
Led by a pre-fame Rachel McAdams, the girls in Mean Girls are the meanest of mean girls. They back stab, they gossip, they make burn books about your flaws, the even turn nice girl Cady (Lindsay Lohan before she went cray) into the queen B of mean girls. Plus, they have pretty terrible parent supervision (see: Amy Poehler).

03. Thelma & Louise (Ridley Scott, 1991)
Maybe Thelma and Louise were just misunderstood. They had a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and you can argue that everything they did was out of love and female friendship and that they are strong, independent women and we should actually be looking up to them. I would agree. But, they sure do lead the police on a cross country crime spree that culminates with that pitch perfect ending.

02. Kill Bill: Volume 1 and 2 (Quentin Tarantino, 2003, 2004)
Uma Thurman's The Bride is just a all around general bad ass. However, she spends the first movie fighting off bad girls Lucy Lui (and, my personal fave Tarantino character, Go-Go), and then she spends the second movie having a knock down, drag out, trailer park brawl with Daryl Hannah, which is glorious and amazing in every sense of the word.

01. Heathers (Michael Lehmann, 1988)
The epitome of mean girl high school movies, the Heathers are the absolute worst of the worst when it comes to mean girls. But good girl turned homicical maniac (homicide, suicide, what's the difference??) Veronica (80s goddess Winona Ryder) doesn't get off the hook here either. Once she hooks up with J.D. (Christian Slater), her life gets terribly complicated.

Catching up!

I know I have been neglecting this blog but no more! Here are some mini reviews to catch up on all the movies I've seen but didn't review. As of now, I will update regularly with reviews and more (think top ten lists, actor profiles, useless fun trivia, etc.). But first, mini reviews (from best to worst):

The Ghost Writer - First off, this film is completely and utterly predictable. I knew who the killer was almost instantly. Still, it's a well done, damn good thriller. Directed by the notorious Roman Polanski and starring Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnon and Olivia Williams, The Ghost Writer is a political thriller with a whole lot of conspiracy theory thrown in. When the ghost writer of an ex-prime minister mysteriously ends up dead due to an "accident", McGregor reluctantly takes over his job and starts to unravel a whole lot of secrets. He also finds out that the death wasn't so much an accident as it was murder. The closer he gets to finding out the truth, the more someone wants to murder him as well. However predictable the story is, the acting and directing are so damn good that it hardly matters. Plus, that ending is perfect. (B)

Piranha 3D - Seriously, the most fun I have had at a movie theater in as long as I can remember!! Remember when 3D first came out and the previews for My Bloody Valentine 3D started showing and I thought to myself, "A 3D horror movie? That's the third greatest idea of all time (after the snuggie and the microwave, obviously)." Then I saw My Bloody Valentine 3D and it was a bloody awful mess. Well, Piranha 3D does every single thing right! It's so trashy and so over the top and so damn fun! Just try to not have a good time at this movie. I'm not even going to tell you plot. Okay, how about piranha's go crazy during Spring Break at an idyllic lake. That's all you need to know besides the fact that the cast is actually all kinds of impressive: Elisabeth Shue as chief of police, Ving Rhames as her badass deputy, Adam Scott as a scientist, Steven R. McQueen as Shue's impressionable son, Jerry O'Connell as a sleazy porn entrepeneur. Then there are the super fun cameos from Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd. Plus, the movie was directed by Alexandre Aja who did High Tension and the super great remake of The Hills Have Eyes. I really want to give this a higher grade but I'm afraid all my credibility will be stripped away. (B)

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - In a summer of typical, awful movies, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was a ray of sunshine, completely original and completely creative. From Shaun of the Dead / Hot Fuzz director Edgar Wright, this adaptation of a highly revered comic book follows Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) and his quest to defeat the seven evil exes of his dream girl, Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). The supporting cast is perfection: Allison Pill, Johnny Simmmons, Mark Webber, Anna Kendrick, Jason Schwartzman, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh. Kieran Culkin as Scott's sarcastic gay roommate Wallace steals every single solitary scene he is in. (Also, I'm a dork and I totally did pick out the Tennessee Thomas cameo!). It all becomes a bit plotting. The fight scenes are all well done and different but there are SIX of them! Then there's that comic book / video game feel the game has which is super original and creative but it does get a little overwhelming at times. I'm not sure I was in love with all aspects of the ending but overall, I would recommend this super fun, super well done movie to anyone. (B)

The Girl Who Played with Fire - The second installment of the Millenium trilogy, this Swedish film follows the best female character in recent history, Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) as she is framed for the murder of two journalists. She and Mikael Blomquist, her ex-lover / journalist friend (Michael Nyqvist) become involved in a trafficking story that involves a lot of very high powered men. While not nearly as engaging as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the second installment is still a damn good movie. It does seem a little more rushed than the first, introducing characters on a whim and skipping past seemingly important story lines. Still, Noomi Rapace is a revelation. She is amazing as Lisbeth Salander, perfectly embodying the hacker punk heroine. Rooney Mara is going to have a hell of a lot to live up to. (B)

Winter's Bone - First off, Jennifer Lawrence is amaazing in the lead role. She is a real find. John Hawkes is also damn good in his supporting role as her uncle but then he has been a stellar supporting character actor for years now. The movie is basically about a 17 year old (Lawrence) whose dad has been in and out of jail. Her mom is mentally ill so she must raise her two younger siblings all by herself in some barren wasteland somewhere in the midewest. She finds out her dad has skipped bail and put their house up for collateral so she must find her dad within a week or the house will be taken from them. So, that's what she does. And it's all very plotting and boring. She just goes from one crazy relative to the next trying to find her dad. You're not sure if her relatives want to kill her or hug her and sometimes they do both in a matter of minutes. The performances are the only real saving factor here. (C+)

Machete - Look, I'm not going to tell you that Machete is some amazing, future Oscar winner or anything. It is very typically Robert Rodriguez. If you like his other films, then you will probably like this one. It is a lot of fun but there's nothing new here. He has a knack for writing interesting, far out characters (think Cherry in Planet Terror). Here we've got Machete (Danny Trejo), She (Michelle Rodriguez) and Lindsay Lohan who at one point wears a nun's habit while killing a bunch of bad guys. There's guns and fights and sex and blood. But it's a lot of fun. And, I mean, look, I was just there for Jeff Fahey. Also, dear Hollywood, next summer I would like a Machete vs. Piranha movie. You're welcome. (C)

Eat Pray Love - I have the same exact problem with the movie as I did with the book (although it didn't seem to annoy me quite as much with the book which I actually liked very much) - the main character, Elizabeth Gilbert, who also wrote the book, is a whiny little bitch! Watch as she whines about losing her husband while she's sleeping with a hotter version of him (Billy Crudup / James Franco, respectively). Watch as she whines about how lonely she is as she trapses around Italy, India and Bali. Watch as she talks about all the "poor little rich white girl" problems she has while she's interacting with people who have actual problems!! It seems like it's the Elizabeth Gilbert world with everything revolving around her. We just live in her world. It's all just a bit much. I didn't like Liz when I was reading the book although I did enjoy the travel aspect of the book. Julia Roberts, who has an immense likeability factor, can't even make me like this woman. Plus, this movie went on and on and on and on. It may have been two and a half hours long but it felt like five hours. (D)

I Know Who Killed Me, rethinking Eastern Promises

I Know Who Killed Me - There's so many things I could say. Re: Lindsey Lohan, I know who killed my career. Re: the movie, I know I want my money back. I know I wasted two hours of my life on this crap. There's just so many ways to use this title. The title, itself, is at least interesting, which is more than I could say for this disaster of a movie. A friend of mine claimed it was worse than Captivity. It's her worst film of the year. I wouldn't go that far. I mean, yes, it's awful in every sense of the word. But I think Captivity is still slightly (just slightly) worse. Anyway, where to start when ripping this movie to shreds? Let's start broad: horrible acting, terrible script, bad camera work, ridiculous plot. Specifically: Lohan works at a strip club where numerous women are topless and yet she never takes her bra off (at one point she is even wearing a sheer bar with pasties ON THE TOP OF IT. Seriously). I mean, I could care less about seeing her naked (because, really, we've all seen it before, more or less), but if you are playing a stripper and you don't want to do nudity, you might at least have to imply nudity with some well placed hands or helpful camera angles. The twists in the movie are ridiculous. I won't ruin them because they aren't worth being ruined. It's not a decent premise and it's poorly executed. It seems they tried to cash in on the "torture porn" genre (man, I hate that term) and cash in on the obsession with Lindsey Loahn but they failed in every sense of the word. Someone should tell casting directors that Lindsey isn't really famous for being an actress. She's famous for being in magazines all the time falling down or doing something while drunk or high or whatever. It takes every bad cliche about thrillers and uses them to the point where this whole big mess of a movie becomes comical. Characters come and go for no reason. Scenes cut away to some other random scene that doesn't really follow any sort of logical thinking. If you have half of a brain, you can probably predict the killer. The final thirty minutes is just plain hilarious! Laugh out loud funny, for sure! I don't think I laughed this much since Superbad. But, you know, Superbad is supposed to be funny. Also, I understand there was probably a meaning to the whole 'blue' motif but really, it's just a bit much. I wouldn't even recommend this movie so that you could see Lindsey do a pole dance. I mean, go watch Natalie Portman in 'Closer' or even Rose McGowan in 'Grindhouse' instead. It's really just a total disaster.

Grade: F

Eastern Promises - So, thanks to the wonders of illegal downloading and a friend, I got to watch Eastern Promises again. I remember the first time around, I enjoyed it quite immensely but I didn't necessarily love it. Well, I changed my mind and I do, indeed, love it. It's great the first time around but I really just loved it even more the second time around. It's quite simply an amazing film. Even now that I've seen two of the best films of the year: Into the Wild and No Country For Old Men, I think Eastern Promises is right up there with them. The movie promises and delivers. David Cronenberg's work always makes you uncomfortable. It's that thin line between what is the necessary amount of violence and what is just a bit too much that he walks perfectly. Eastern Promises is subtle, almost subliminal, so you find yourself thinking about it months later without even realizing it. You find yourself thinking, "Well, Josh Brolin was great in No Country For Old Men... but Viggo was better a few months ago." Cronenberg has this uniquely clinical storytelling style that is undramatic visually and completely realistic. Nothing in a Cronenberg film appears on-screen without a reason. He's almost the film-making equivalent to Ernest Hemingway. It's deceptively simple with an unflinching eye. His films have a calm surface that still manages to get under your skin and hints at the labyrinth that rests beneath the surface. And Viggo. Well, like I said last review, the naked knife fight may not make Academy voters want to nominate him but he deserves it either way. On second viewing, I think his work in this movie is better than nearly every other performance I've seen this year (with the exception of Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men and maybe, maybe Tommy Lee Jones in In the Valley of Elah). I don't usually change grades. I usually like to stick with my gut. But I'm going to make an exception here.

Grade: A-