I Know Who Killed Me, rethinking Eastern Promises

I Know Who Killed Me - There's so many things I could say. Re: Lindsey Lohan, I know who killed my career. Re: the movie, I know I want my money back. I know I wasted two hours of my life on this crap. There's just so many ways to use this title. The title, itself, is at least interesting, which is more than I could say for this disaster of a movie. A friend of mine claimed it was worse than Captivity. It's her worst film of the year. I wouldn't go that far. I mean, yes, it's awful in every sense of the word. But I think Captivity is still slightly (just slightly) worse. Anyway, where to start when ripping this movie to shreds? Let's start broad: horrible acting, terrible script, bad camera work, ridiculous plot. Specifically: Lohan works at a strip club where numerous women are topless and yet she never takes her bra off (at one point she is even wearing a sheer bar with pasties ON THE TOP OF IT. Seriously). I mean, I could care less about seeing her naked (because, really, we've all seen it before, more or less), but if you are playing a stripper and you don't want to do nudity, you might at least have to imply nudity with some well placed hands or helpful camera angles. The twists in the movie are ridiculous. I won't ruin them because they aren't worth being ruined. It's not a decent premise and it's poorly executed. It seems they tried to cash in on the "torture porn" genre (man, I hate that term) and cash in on the obsession with Lindsey Loahn but they failed in every sense of the word. Someone should tell casting directors that Lindsey isn't really famous for being an actress. She's famous for being in magazines all the time falling down or doing something while drunk or high or whatever. It takes every bad cliche about thrillers and uses them to the point where this whole big mess of a movie becomes comical. Characters come and go for no reason. Scenes cut away to some other random scene that doesn't really follow any sort of logical thinking. If you have half of a brain, you can probably predict the killer. The final thirty minutes is just plain hilarious! Laugh out loud funny, for sure! I don't think I laughed this much since Superbad. But, you know, Superbad is supposed to be funny. Also, I understand there was probably a meaning to the whole 'blue' motif but really, it's just a bit much. I wouldn't even recommend this movie so that you could see Lindsey do a pole dance. I mean, go watch Natalie Portman in 'Closer' or even Rose McGowan in 'Grindhouse' instead. It's really just a total disaster.

Grade: F

Eastern Promises - So, thanks to the wonders of illegal downloading and a friend, I got to watch Eastern Promises again. I remember the first time around, I enjoyed it quite immensely but I didn't necessarily love it. Well, I changed my mind and I do, indeed, love it. It's great the first time around but I really just loved it even more the second time around. It's quite simply an amazing film. Even now that I've seen two of the best films of the year: Into the Wild and No Country For Old Men, I think Eastern Promises is right up there with them. The movie promises and delivers. David Cronenberg's work always makes you uncomfortable. It's that thin line between what is the necessary amount of violence and what is just a bit too much that he walks perfectly. Eastern Promises is subtle, almost subliminal, so you find yourself thinking about it months later without even realizing it. You find yourself thinking, "Well, Josh Brolin was great in No Country For Old Men... but Viggo was better a few months ago." Cronenberg has this uniquely clinical storytelling style that is undramatic visually and completely realistic. Nothing in a Cronenberg film appears on-screen without a reason. He's almost the film-making equivalent to Ernest Hemingway. It's deceptively simple with an unflinching eye. His films have a calm surface that still manages to get under your skin and hints at the labyrinth that rests beneath the surface. And Viggo. Well, like I said last review, the naked knife fight may not make Academy voters want to nominate him but he deserves it either way. On second viewing, I think his work in this movie is better than nearly every other performance I've seen this year (with the exception of Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men and maybe, maybe Tommy Lee Jones in In the Valley of Elah). I don't usually change grades. I usually like to stick with my gut. But I'm going to make an exception here.

Grade: A-