The Vow (DVD)

Here's an interesting thing I learned while watching the opening credits of The Vow: despite my very popular belief that it was, it, in fact, is NOT based on a book by Nicholas Sparks. Go figure. Instead, it's supposedly based on a true story of a couple who get into a car accident. The wife then loses her memory but, as fascinating movie scripts go, she only loses her memory for the exact amount of time that she's been married to her new husband. The entire movie is very trite and unconvincing. I guess it's maybe loosely based on a true story.
Anyway, Rachel McAdams, who is not my favorite actress in the world, plays Paige, an artist / sculptor who lives in Chicago with her husband Leo (Channing Tatum). They had a quirky relationship which culminated in getting married illegaly inside a museum and saying in their vows that they won't fight over red velvet cake. I'm all for the quirky relationship. I'm as quirky as they come. My problem here? Well, I can't think of any two people in the entire world who are less quirky than Rachel "I've never had a bad hair day and was probably prom queen" McAdams and Channing "My God, I'm so hot I can barely stand it" Tatum. I found it extremely hard to fathom that McAdams and Tatum were these artsy / boho / king and queen of the island of misfit toys characters. Just because you put a fedora on someone, it doesn't make them a musician hipster.
Anyway, post-accident, Paige doesn't remember any of her life with Leo. Instead, she remembers being in law school (she's dropped out), living with her family (who she hasn't spoken to in five years) and being engaged to swarmy lawyer Jeremy (Scott Speedman... yum (pity the girl who has to choose between Speedman and Tatum!)). So, Leo sets out to make her fall in love with him all over again. Frustration, cliches and "romance" ensues.
Plainly put - The Vow is just not good. It has all the cliches you would expect in a romantic comedy and then some. The writing is horrid. The romance is unbelieveable and even boring. You just don't care about these characters, really, at all. Paige is frustrating and kind of annoying. This continues a streak of movies where McAdams continues to play unlikable harpies and somehow people continue to like her and I, for one, don't get it. Tatum does a great job with what he's got to work with. I've long been a fan of Tatum and I'm so happy that his career is blowing up right now and he's getting a lot of credit that he deserves. If you think he's just another pretty face (and body) that can't act then I suggest you watch A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints, Stop Loss and Haywire. In that order. Also, pretty much all I think about 24/7 right now is Magic Mike. Anyway, try as Tatum's biceps and ass and cute smile might, they can't make The Vow anything other than a cheesy, over done cliche. If this is what Hollywood thinks of romance and love, then I'm not interested.
Grade: D+

Indiana Jones, The Strangers + June Movie Preview

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Or as I like to call it, Indiana Jones and the Hotness of Shia. Seriously, the only reason I even went to see this movie was because of Shia. My dad said, "Hey wanna go see Indiana Jones?" and I said, "Sure, but I never saw any of the other ones." He said, "That's okay but maybe you should watch them first." And I said, "Yeah, but Shia isn't in them." And Shia was possibly the only good thing about the movie. Well, Shia and Cate Blanchett who I have totally fallen completely in love with since I'm Not There. Maybe I just wasn't completely prepared for how absolutely ridiculous the movie would be (spoiler alert - it's about aliens... really). Or maybe there was just too much CGI craziness. I mean, I'm sure there was a plot in there SOMEWHERE. By the end, it became way too much like National Treasure 2 but with a way hotter supporting cast. I've heard fans of the original series actually really liked it so I guess maybe it's a decent movie. I just didn't like it that much. Except Shia. And Cate and her crazy accent.
Grade: C-


The Strangers - As far as thrillers go, this movie isn't entirely bad. It has some very eerie scenes and at times it's actually quite intense. Other times, however, it's completely cliched and the ending is just so atrocious that it more or less ruins the movie. Overall though the movie starts out pretty well. The acting by Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman is efficient. The strangers are creepy enough. All of the terror is unexplained (which is scarier, right?). There are plot holes galore and inconsistencies that are glaringly obvious. Still, it's a horror movie, right? I mean, half the fun is shaking our head when a character runs in the wrong direction. The movie is intense but it is also shallow. It leaves one distraught and unsatisfied. Overall, the movie is at times intense but mostly lackluster. It's anti-climactic (that ending is just awful!) and at times even boring. Mostly it just makes me really want to see Funny Games even more than I already do. The Stranger is most likely just a mainstream version of that, which I'm sure (hoping) is way better and edgier.
Grade: C-

June Movie Preview...
June 6
Kung Fu Panda - Light and fluffy entertainment. Maybe kids will like.
You Don't Mess with the Zohan - Looks like it might just be the worst movie of the year. I'm sure my dad will want to see it so I just might have to go see it. That way I'll have something for my Worst Of... list.

June 13
The Happening - M. Night Shayadfasldjfaslman endlessly disappoints me (although I am the one person who loved The Village). This is his first R-rated movie. Zooey is in it. Still, I'm just not sure about it.
The Incredible Hulk - I guess we are pretending the first one just didn't exist, right? I can live with that. Edward Norton is in it and I love him but... I can't buy him as a super hero. Like, at all. Plus, the Hulk has already been done. Move on. I mean, I guess it can't be any worse, right?

June 20
Get Smart - My love for Steve Carrell may outweigh my hatred for Anne Hathaway. MAY.
The Love Guru - Oh wait. This might be the worst movie of the year. Justin Timberlake can strut around in a speedo all he wants. This movie still looks totally terrible.

June 27
Wall-E - Now, I am not a fan of kid movies. But, this looks unbelievably adorable that even I may have to see it.
Wanted - James McAvoy and his gorgeous blue eyes in a movie? Yes, please. James McAvoy and his gorgeous blue eyes in a superhero movie? Hell, yes! James McAvoy and his gorgeous blue eyes in a superhero movie co-starring Morgan Freeman? This is pretty much the only June movie I really, really, really want to see!


P.S. My review of Indiana Jones and the Hotness of Shia just might be the only review of Indiana Jones ever in the history of the world that doesn't even mention Harrison Ford.