Haywire

The problem with Haywire isn't that it's confusing (but it is) and it isn't that the lead character can't really act (because she can't). The problem is: if the lead character was a man, this movie wouldn't be interesting. It wouldn't be on anyone's radar. It would probably be widely regarded as one of the worst movies of the (very young) year. But because a female is the main character and that is supposed to encourage some sort of bad ass, feminist movement, then this movie is getting very generous reviews.

That being said, Haywire isn't a bad movie. It's a very mediocre movie with some very good supporting performances. But that's just not enough. MMA star turned American Gladiator turned movie star Gina Carano stars as Mallory Kane, an ex-Marine turned mercenary who is back stabbed and framed and sent on a cross country mission to find out who did her wrong and clear her good name. Or, it's the Bourne Identity without the memory loss and without Matt Damon. Carano is not an actress and although she can kick all kinds of ass, she's not all that compelling to watch. I just kept finding it completely unbelievable. I don't care how tough and awesome she is. I believe that she could fight tough boys and probably win most of the time. But that she always walks away without a scratch?? Come on! That her only injury during the entire movie was when she falls from a building and hurts her back and has to limp away? Please. She's not perfect.

So, Carano was kind of a wash for me. It's a good thing her role is largely silent and she doesn't have much dialogue because I didn't find her to be a good actress. The thing that saved this movie for me were all the great male supporting actors. Channing Tatum shows (again) that he's more than a pretty face as Mallory's ex-partner. He was impressive in previous efforts like A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints and Stop Loss, so hopefully this is a step in the right direction for him. I don't want to see him in movies like the upcoming The Vow because that isn't going to do anything for him. He needs movies like this to maybe earn some cred. Michael Fassbender oozes sexy charm as the partner Mallory is set up with in Berlin. The two try to kill each other in a knock em down, drag em out hotel fight which is totally sexy. It's the best part of the movie, hands down. Michael Angarano, one of my favorites, is great as the comic relief - a young boy who happens upon Mallory in a cafe and gets forced along on a crazy road trip. Michael Douglas and Antonio Banderas are great as the powerful potential bad guys in suits. But it's Ewan McGregor who all but steals the movie as Kenneth, Mallory's slime ball ex-boyfriend/ex-boss. He's delightfully slimy and wonderfully creepy.

Like I said, Haywire isn't a bad movie. It's just not a good one either. All I kept thinking during the entire movie was, I wonder what this movie would have been like if it had been directed by Quentin Tarantino. A talky, stylish, bad ass spy epic from one of the coolest directors around?? I would have loved to see that.
Grade: C