December 2015 Pt. 2

The Hateful Eight
Stars - Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen
Plot - A group of nefarious crooks and criminals with lots of secrets are snowed in a cabin together.
Thoughts - No one needs a good editor more than Quentin Tarantino. His longtime editor died before the release if Django Unchained, and you can tell the difference. I love a good long movie but this movie, where very little happens until the last 45 minutes or so, doesn't need to be nearly 3 hours long. Still, the performances are great, especially Jackson and Leigh, and the script is killer.
Grade - B

Joy
Stars - Jennifer Lawrence, Robert DeNiro, Edgar Ramirez, Bradley Cooper
Plot - A broke single mother deals with her crazy family and invents the miracle mop.
Thoughts - Another movie that is too long... and feels it. And despite being nominated in the comedy categories at the Golden Globes, it isn't really very fun. Again, great performances, and parts of it are stellar. It just felt very hit or miss.
Grade - B-

Magic Mike XXL
Stars - Channing Tatum, Joe Magniello, Matt Bomer
Plot - Our lovable strippers go on a road trip to a stripper convention, which is apparently really a thing.
Thoughts - You know how good the original Magic Mike was? Because it wasn't just a gratuitous movie about male strippers, but rather a character study where the characters just happened to be strippers? Well, this is the other thing.
Grade -  D+

Spy
Stars - Melissa McCarthy, Rose Byrne, Jude Law, Jason Statham
Plot - A desk jockey becomes a spy after the identities of all the other spies are compromised.
Thoughts - I didn't love this movie as much as other Melissa McCarthy movies, but she is the rare comedian who can make anything funny and she definitely elevates a movie that would have bombed with any one else in the lead.
Grade - B-

The Clouds of Sils Maria
Stars - Juliette Binoche, Kristen Stewart
Plot - An aging actress returns to the play that made her famous, this time playing the older half of the romantic couple.
Thoughts - Another movie that is way too long. Also, this one is pretty boring. So if you are going to watch it, come for the gorgeous cinematography, and stay for Stewart's award worthy performance (not even kidding!)
Grade - C

The Stanford Prison Experiment
Stars - Michael Angarano, Ezra Miller
Plot - Based on the true story of an experiment involving prison guards and inmates that went way too far way too fast.
Thoughts - This was almost a really great movie. I still highly recommend it, even if it is just for the stellar Angarano performance, and fascinating story. I had two pretty major problems with it though. The first was that some of the supporting actors, who were supposed to be playing college age kids, literally looked 12. The second was, apparently we can CGI dinosaurs, but can't figure out a way for fake mustaches to not look ridiculous.
Grade - B-

The Overnight
Stars - Adam Scott, Taylor Schilling, Jason Schwartzman
Plot - Two couples spend a night together.
Thoughts - This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life. Under no circumstances should you ever watch this.
Grade - F

Friday Top Five: Superhero Movies

Subtitled: I Love Batman!

So I have decided to start a series called Friday Top Five, which is pretty self explanatory. (Nearly) Every Friday, I will present my definitive top five list about whatever topic I want. This week, in honor of Man of Steel, I will count down my Top Five Superhero Movies. So, without further ado:

5. Sky High (Mike Mitchell, 2005)
I know, I know. Sky High is a movie I accidentally saw in theaters and genuinely loved. Sure, it's a Disney movie. But it's also really good, has a great story, a lot of heart, and cameos from the likes of Wonder Woman herself, Lynda Carter. The movie follows Micheal Angarano as Will Stronghold, the son of superheroes Kurt Russell and Kelly Preston. The problem? He doesn't have any powers. So, he struggles to fit in when he starts superhero high school (as if high school isn't hard enough!). However, he does form a bond with a few other misfits (Danielle Panabaker as the girl who can control plant life??) and eventually these misfits have to fight it out with the villains in the epic showdown. Sky High is definitely everything you want in a superhero movie and then some. In fact, just writing about it makes me want to go watch it again!

4. Batman Begins (Christopher Nolan, 2005)
It seems 2005 was quite a year for superheroes. The same year Sky High was released, Nolan re-introduced the world to Bruce Wayne. Before 2005's comeback, Batman had sort of become a joke thanks to that awful Batman and Robin movie. But Nolan brought us back to the beginning and he made Gotham and Bruce Wayne more dangerous and darker. We found out that Bruce (Christian Bale) learned everything he knew from a mysterious figure named Ducard (Liam Neeson) and after disappearing from Gotham for years, he returned to kick ass and take names. Those getting their asses kicked included Cillian Murphey's Scarecrow and, of course, Neeson. Throw in Gary Oldman as Jim Gordon, Michael Caine as Alfred and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, and you've got the beginning of a very special trilogy.

3. Spider-Man 2 (Sam Raimi, 2004)
When talking about sequels, there is one of two ways it can go: 1. It can suck and be awful and be bogged down by way too much - too many villains, too many sidekicks, etc. 2. Or it can rise above the original because you, the story teller, are no longer bogged down with origin stories and introductions. Spider-Man 2 falls into the latter category. The first Spider-Man was great fun, and featured that awesome kiss, but Spider-Man 2 is Raimi's crowning achievement. It features Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) ready to give it all up. He devoted his life to fighting crime and, instead, he's painted as a villain, the girl he loves (Kirsten Dunst) is engaged to someone else and he's just fed up. But then Alfred Molina shows up as a crazy scientist, and when an experiment goes wrong, as experiments often do, he is transformed into an angry villain named Doc Ock. Peter Parker may be the most sympathetic superhero. We all relate to him because before he got bit by a spider (!!), he was a regular dude, just like us.

2. Batman (Tim Burton, 1989)
One of my very first memories is going to see the original Batman in movie theaters. I will not say how old I was, but I remember going to see it with my older brother and his friend. I remember being completely enthralled by what was before me and that was probably the beginning of my life long love affair with movies, and also with Batman. To this day, I still think Michael Keaton is the best overall Bruce Wayne / Batman. George Clooney was good as Wayne and Kilmer was good as Batman. Bale is up there, but his Batman voice is still sort of infuriating. But it's Keaton who does both charming womanizer Wayne and heroic Batman so, so well. This was also my introduction to Jack Nicholson as Joker. He quickly became one of my favorite actors and his Joker is still such a vibrant part of my memory.

1. The Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan, 2008)
Speaking of Joker... What Nicholson did in the 80s is a completely different animal than what Heath Ledger did with the same character in this film. Ledger was a feral animal, terrifying and unhinged. He was out of control, anarchy in human form, but still somehow likable. I always like to say that every superhero movie is only as good as its villain and that's perhaps why The Dark Knight is the best of the best. This is Nolan's crowning achievment as a film maker and I doubt he will ever surpass it. The Dark Knight is damn near perfect, pushing its hero to the brink, devastating him with a second act murder that we all felt at our core. Joker is a villain like we had never before seen. And guess what? If it wasn't for Heath Ledger and how amazing he was in this role, we would all talk a lot more about Aaron Eckhart's perfect portrayal of Harvey Dent and his descent from role model politician to angry, rageful Two Face. This movie genuinely has it all - great acting, quoteable lines, unforgettable imagery (just try to get that vision of Joker in the nurse's outfit, or sticking his head out the window like a dog), great action sequences and a perfect ending. I will truly be shocked if we get a better superhero movie in my lifetime.

How will Man of Steel rate? Check back Monday and find out!

Haywire

The problem with Haywire isn't that it's confusing (but it is) and it isn't that the lead character can't really act (because she can't). The problem is: if the lead character was a man, this movie wouldn't be interesting. It wouldn't be on anyone's radar. It would probably be widely regarded as one of the worst movies of the (very young) year. But because a female is the main character and that is supposed to encourage some sort of bad ass, feminist movement, then this movie is getting very generous reviews.

That being said, Haywire isn't a bad movie. It's a very mediocre movie with some very good supporting performances. But that's just not enough. MMA star turned American Gladiator turned movie star Gina Carano stars as Mallory Kane, an ex-Marine turned mercenary who is back stabbed and framed and sent on a cross country mission to find out who did her wrong and clear her good name. Or, it's the Bourne Identity without the memory loss and without Matt Damon. Carano is not an actress and although she can kick all kinds of ass, she's not all that compelling to watch. I just kept finding it completely unbelievable. I don't care how tough and awesome she is. I believe that she could fight tough boys and probably win most of the time. But that she always walks away without a scratch?? Come on! That her only injury during the entire movie was when she falls from a building and hurts her back and has to limp away? Please. She's not perfect.

So, Carano was kind of a wash for me. It's a good thing her role is largely silent and she doesn't have much dialogue because I didn't find her to be a good actress. The thing that saved this movie for me were all the great male supporting actors. Channing Tatum shows (again) that he's more than a pretty face as Mallory's ex-partner. He was impressive in previous efforts like A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints and Stop Loss, so hopefully this is a step in the right direction for him. I don't want to see him in movies like the upcoming The Vow because that isn't going to do anything for him. He needs movies like this to maybe earn some cred. Michael Fassbender oozes sexy charm as the partner Mallory is set up with in Berlin. The two try to kill each other in a knock em down, drag em out hotel fight which is totally sexy. It's the best part of the movie, hands down. Michael Angarano, one of my favorites, is great as the comic relief - a young boy who happens upon Mallory in a cafe and gets forced along on a crazy road trip. Michael Douglas and Antonio Banderas are great as the powerful potential bad guys in suits. But it's Ewan McGregor who all but steals the movie as Kenneth, Mallory's slime ball ex-boyfriend/ex-boss. He's delightfully slimy and wonderfully creepy.

Like I said, Haywire isn't a bad movie. It's just not a good one either. All I kept thinking during the entire movie was, I wonder what this movie would have been like if it had been directed by Quentin Tarantino. A talky, stylish, bad ass spy epic from one of the coolest directors around?? I would have loved to see that.
Grade: C

Horror Movie Month - Paranormal Activity 3 + more

Paranormal Activity 3
The plot: Well, the second one took place before the first one and now the third one takes place before the second one. It's the late 80s and Katie and Kristy are just little girls. Seems Kristy has an imaginary friend named Tobey, who just might be the spirit that has been following these girls around for most of their lives.
The scares: Maybe it's because I don't believe in ghosts, but I never found these movies particularly scary. That being said, there is an overpowering feeling of tension that is in pretty much every frame of this film. And that, at least, is a big step forward.
The body count: Only two.
The grade: C-

Red State
The stars: Michael Angarano, Kyle Gallner, Michael Parks, Melissa Leo, my dad John Goodman
The plot: Three high schoolers go to a trailer park to meet an older woman for some hot sex. Turns out, the woman (who advertised on the internet, of course) is a member of the cult like Five Points church and they have lured these young sinners to make an example of them in front of their parish. Lots of blood ensues.
The scares: It's not scary in the sense that you're thinking. However, the idea that there are close minded bigots out there who could quite possibly do something out there is terrifying.
The body count: I honestly lost count. The death toll is high and unexpected at every turn.
Grade: B+. I'm understanding this movie received a lot of backlash. I think you either love it or hate it. This is the first Kevin Smith movie that I've ever loved.

The Last Exorcism
The plot: A priest sets out to expose exorcisms for the fraud that they are. He picks a letter at random (he receives hundreds) and gets a camera crew to follow him to prove the fraud. However, when he meets the young girl who is supposedly possessed, he has second thoughts.
The scares: Again, no so much scary, but that's not to say I didn't like it more than I thought I would.
The body count: Four, maybe.
The grade: C+

Ceremony, Battle Los Angeles, Crazy Stupid Love

Ceremony - Here's the thing about Ceremony: it's awfully cute at times, has a fantastic lead performance but also feels contrived. The film is written and directed by Max Winkler (the son of Henry Winkler a.k.a. The Fonz!), and it's an admirable debut film. It follows Sam (Michael Angarano), a children's book author who makes his best friend Marshall (Reece Thompson) go away with him for the weekend. However, he withholds the fact that his purpose is to ruin the wedding ceremony of the girl of his dreams, Zoe (Uma Thurmnan) to her pompous fiancee, Whit (Lee Pace). If you were going to put Ceremony in a genre, it would be "Quirky Indie Movie" and, boy, is it ever. The problem with quirky indie movies is that sometimes they try way too hard. And that is one of the problems here. For all the moments when Ceremony is brilliant and funny and poignant, it has moments where it feels fake and forced. However, Angarano's performance is so damn good that it's easy to overlook the flaws. He's simple perfection, all bravado and forced confidence and fast talking charm. He's hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time. I've loved his work since his days as the young William Miller in Almost Famous and it's nice to see him grow up into these kinds of roles. I hope he sticks with the indie scene because he's too good of an actor to take shitty supporting roles in bad movies. He could grow up to be a Sam Rockwell type actor. In fact, he's sort of morphing into Sam Rockwell at times in this movie. And I most certainly don't have a problem with that.
Grade: B-

Battle Los Angeles - Oy vey! This movie has zero redeemable qualities. I can't even believe that I wasted two hours of my life on this crap. It's a badly directed, badly written, stupid sci-fi movie that wastes the considerable talent of Aaron Eckhardt. I'm not even going to bore you with a plot. Aliens take over Los Angeles. Blah, blah, blah. Lots of bad action sequences and even worse writing. Stay far away from this movie as it is a complete and utter waste of your time.
Grade: F

Crazy Stupid Love - The romantic comedy genre is lacking, at best. Two years ago, a little indie movie called 500 Days of Summer came along and completely breathed a whole new life into the genre. Crazy Stupid Love isn't quite that good, but it is definitely one of the better romantic comedies made in the last few years. First we meet Steve Carell's Cal, a man who has been with his wife (Julianne Moore) for over thirty years when one day she tells him she wants a divorce. Of course, his life begins to unravel. He starts going to bars and drinking his sorrows away. There he meets Jacob (Ryan Gosling), a young ladies man who takes Cal under his wing and teachers him how to pick up women. Cal seems to know it all... except when he actually begins to fall in love with Hannah (Emma Stone) and doesn't know what the hell to do. Throw in Marisa Tomei, Kevin Bacon, Josh Groban, and Analeigh Tipton (I still can't believe if she is the weirdest looking or prettiest looking girl of all time), and you've got yourself a fantastic cast for a romantic comedy. And it is very funny, which is a plus. You might think Carell gets all the laughs, but it's actually Gosling who all but steals the show (Stone and her awkward goofy adorableness comes in a close second). Plus, the movie just simply has heart. It's not raunchy and it doesn't try too hard to be a certain kind of movie. It stays true to itself and is very sweet. Plus, the cast doesn't hurt. The cast is actually fantastic all around and helps elevate any problems to a different level. There are a few problems, mainly the running time. It feels longer than it is. However, all in all, Crazy Stupid Love is a sweet, funny, great time at the movies.
Grade: B