This Means War

Let's start on a positive note - The only person hotter than Tom Hardy is Chris Pine. I'll admit, I didn't really think this movie looked all that good. In fact, with a different cast, I would have skipped it all together. But Chris Pine's deliciously blue eyes? Tom "I have the best lips in Hollywood" Hardy? Are you kidding me? I was so there. Yes, I will fully admit, although I am serious about films and I love movies, sometimes I just wanna go watch a couple of hot guys fight over a cute girl. And on that aspect, I wasn't disappointed in This Means War at all. Pine was dreamy as a charming womanizer and Hardy was sexy as a divorced dad, both trying to woo Reese Witherspoon's adorably neurotic Lauren. I'll admit, I would have liked the movie better had Pine and Hardy somehow made out at the end, but on sex appeal alone, This Means War succeeds. On that note, the only thing that could have made it better is if Michael Fassbender showed up at some point.

Now on to the rest... This Means War is this terribly hodge podge movie that caters to the idea, "Let's throw everything against the wall and see what sticks." The main problem with the movie is that it has no idea what the hell it wants to be. Is it a romantic comedy? Is it a bromance? Is it a thrilling spy caper? Is it a buddy movie? Who the hell knows! The script, the movie, the soundtrack - everything - is so random and thrown together that it is both ridiculous and kind of fun. Sometimes this crazy pace and inclusion of EVERYTHING actually works and makes the movie fun in a frantic kind of way. Other times, it is just puzzling and makes you want to ask what the hell the screenwriters and McG were thinking.

The story basically follows Lauren (Witherspoon) a sweet girl who is single in Los Angeles after following her old boyfriend to the city. A few months after they arrived, he cheated and she spends more time with Boggle these days then she does with men. On the advice of her horny but married friend (Chelsea Handler), she decides to sign up for on line dating. This is how she meets Tuck (Hardy), a CIA spy who claims he's a travel agent. They have a nice and sweet lunch date and then Lauren decides to go rent a movie (SERIOUSLY??? Was this script written in 1997?? Nobody rents movies anymore. Are there even places TO rent movies anymore? Besides Red Box, obviously.). Anyway, there she meets the confusingly named FDR (Pine) and he immediately comes off as too slick and too charming but somehow she starts to like him anyway. So, Lauren is faced with the problem of dating two gorgeous men at once. I mean, I guess it's a problem. A girl like me would never actually know whether it is a problem or not. Personally, it sounds like a pretty great problem to have. Anyway, further confusing the matter, FDR and Tuck are best friends and partners in the CIA. At first they decide to both date her and let her decide who to be with. Of course, they both fall for her and then all bets are off. Throw in some international spy organizations and you've got yourself This Means War.

Like I said, the movie is mediocre at best. Sometimes it's fun but sometimes it's such a convoluted mess. However, I will totally recommend it for Pine and Hardy, who are both way too hot for words.

Grade: C