Transformers, Puccini For Beginners (DVD)

Transformers - To begin with, I was as excited about this movie as the next kid. After all, I loved Transformers when I was a kid. But, then again, I was, you know, like, six. It actually wasn't until about a third of the way into the film, when the autobots began talking, that I truly realized how ridiculous this movie really was. Anyway, apparently Steven Spielberg was so impressed with auteur (ha!) Michael Bay after seeing his nuanced work in The Island (if nothing else, at least I'm amusing myself with this review...) that he so eagerly sought him out so that Spielberg himself could executive produce his next film - Transformers. I could only imagine what the pitch meetings for Transformers were like. Not only did they encourage everyone to throw out any and all ideas - they even decided to put any and all ideas into the script! Sure Transformers is sort of fun... in the way that car crashes are fun. It's like watching Nascar or, no, even worse, a really, really, really, really, really, really long car commercial. If loud and abrasive and ridiculous and silly are fun, then, sure, it's fun. I'm sure everyone knows what the movie is about. I don't need to tell you plot. The movie stars a lot of names. Jon Voight as the secretary of defense, Shia LaBeouf as the kid that might save the world, Megan Fox as the hot girl who is there soley to impress the 15 year old boys, Josh Duhamel as an Air Force dude who we learn has a newborn baby he's never held. I guess we are supposed to really want to see him get back to Fergie, I mean, his blonde girlfriend/wife/whatever and their baby. I mean, these people are under the mistaken impression that I actually care enough about Josh Duhamel to really give a crap if he lives or dies. I mean, he's not exactly an engaging actor. And then, to make matters better or worse or whatever, John Turturro shows up. I'm not even sure why. Perhaps it's because he was really sick of having such an awesome resume that he thought to himself, "Hey, I should go sign up for a big budget action flick and give the single worst performance in the my entire career. Wouldn't that be a treat for everyone?" Shia deserves some extra credit points here and not just for being super hot. Not since Leonardo DiCaprio was on a certain sinking ship has an excellent actor delivered such awful dialogue with such charm and wit. There's a reason why he's the Current/Next Big Thing. Even Shia can't save the movie. But the emotion he shows when his autobot friend Bumblebee is dying is really, really amazing. Yet, I can't really say I felt a damn thing. I mean, these people are under the mistaken impression that I actually care about a car/robot. What can I say on the plus side? Well, the special effects are amazing... probably the best I've ever seen. But it's 2007 and that's to be expected. We're well past the point where a film should get extra points for having great special effects. In the end, Transformers was just a huge disappointment for me. It's a good thing that the movie has already made over $100 million and it really doesn't matter to anyone what I think. If anything, Shia LaBeouf is going to become a huge star because of Transformers. Based on recent interviews I've read with him, I really don't think it could happen to a better kid. He seems like he has his head firmly planted on his shoulders and I don't think he'll be entering rehab any time soon. So, at the very, very least, one good thing will come out of this messy movie. Well, that and my new girl crush on Megan Fox. I guess I'm as susceptible as those 15 year old boys.

Grade: D-

EDIT: All right, whatever, the special effects were really amazing, so: D

Puccini For Beginners - Never in my life have I related more to a fictional character than I did to Allegra (played brilliantly by the brilliant Elizabeth Reaser). I don't really know what that says about me. She says things like, the idea of marriage makes her sick to her stomach. And when talking about commitment, she says it's such an awful word because it's usually used in the context of people being commited to mental hospitals. I just absolutely love this character. Perhaps that's why I probably enjoyed this movie far more than the average viewer might. For once, this is my kind of complicated love story. It's sort of a throw back to those brilliant screwball comedies that I love so much (like Bringing Up Baby). It follows Allegra, a smart and cynical New York writer who recently broke up with her lesbian girlfriend Samantha (Julianne Nicholson). Soon, Allegra starts to date a man (Justin Kirk)... and his ex-girlfriend (Gretchen Mol). This was truly an intelligent, fun, witty, entertaining film. It was shot beautifully, using all New York City has to offer. The script was great and the performances by the main actors were even better. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of a lot of early work by - are you ready for it - Woody Allen. Now I'm sure you all understand why I loved it so (except, if Woody had written it, it probably would have been even funnier and better). This movie is just so damn cute. I highly advise everyone to rent it as soon as possible. And then tell me how much I remind you of Allegra (except for the whole lesbian thing... although that option is looking better and better lately). And except for the fact that Elizabeth Reaser looks like a goddess. Netflix it now.

Grade: B+