Speed Racer + mini reviews

Speed Racer - Based soley on the cast (Emile Hirsch! Christina Ricci! Susan Sarandon! John Goodman!), I thought this movie might be pretty damn good. I had my reservations, of course. A PG racing flick might be a little too kiddie - it doesn't matter who is involved. However, it is from the Wachowski brothers (The Matrix series) so I thought, if nothing else, it will look pretty spectacular. And it does look spectacular, in a sort of hyper colorful cotton candy way that is cool for about ten minutes before it makes you feel so dizzy that you feel it might make you sick. The plot itself goes from serious to over the top to campy to ridiculous without any rhyme or reason. Emile Hirsch (who I love so much) does a decent job at trying to make his cartoon character (in every sense of the word) into a real person the audience cares about. He never quite gets there but it's not entirely his fault. In fact, you can't really blame any of the actors. I guess it all looked good on paper and it's not their fault the directors turned it into a crazy, out of control, so bright it hurts your eyes carnival. Throw in an annoying little kid and a monkey and this movie is just a disaster. It really pains me to do this because I wanted to like it. For the sake of the actors (especially Emile who I have loved in everything he's ever done), I really wanted to like it. Alas, it's just too awful. It was the first movie in a long, long, long time that I wanted to walk out of.
Grade: F

Delirious - Ah, Michael Pitt. He of the gorgeous blue eyes and those lovely lips. I would watch anything with him in it based purely on very shallow reasons. Is he an exceptionally wonderful actor? I would say no although I did enjoy him in quite a few things. But maybe that's because he's gorgeous... Anyway, it helps that Delirious is actually a decent enough movie. Co-starring Steve Buscemi (!!) and Alison Lohman, it tells the story of a homeless wannabe actor (Pitt) who befriends a paparazzi (Buscemi) before falling in love with a Britney-esque pop-star (Lohman). It's a dark indie comedy that actually has a heart. The end actually almost melted my little black heart a little bit.
Grade: B


One Missed Call - One Missed Call is this intelligent socioeconomic think piece about the way instant technology is slowly destroying our communications skills with each other on a purely humane level. Or... it's just a really shitty horror movie starring some pretty people and some annoying people. Shannyn Sossamon (what were you thinking?!??!!) stars as a young co-ed who has to battle the evil spirits who travel from cell phone to cell phone. If they call your cell phone... then you die! Can you say scary? No, you can't. Because it's not. At all. Not even a little bit.
Grade: D-


What Happens in Vegas - Pretty people (Ashton Kutcher, Cameron Diaz) meet cute in Las Vegas. They get drunk. They get married. Upon realizing their mistake, they decide to part (not so) amicably. Then, surprise! They win $3 million and are sentenced to do 6 months married time (I think I'd rather go to prison) before the judge (Dennis Miller) unfreezes the fortune. Can you imagine what happens next? If you guessed "they really fall in love" then you hit the bullseye! Congratulations for being such a forward thinker. It's lame and cliche. It's been done a million times before. Kutcher and Diaz are both exceedingly charming on their own but they have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever together.
Grade: D+

Young @ Heart - Young @ Heart is cute enough. It's also at times hilarious and heartbreaking. But, is cute and heartbreaking enough? Not exactly. The documentary follows the lives of about 25 senior citizens in a Massachusetts choir who cover songs like "Golden Age," "Nothing Compares 2 U," and "Schitzophrenia." (No, seriously). These songs by Bowie and the Talking Heads and the Ramones never had their lyrics mean quite the same thing as they do when they are being sung by a group of people in their 70s and 80s. There are moments when you'll laugh so hard you'll cry. And there will be other moments when you will be moved to tears for other reasons. Still, Young @ Heart at times doesn't feel like it delves deep enough. I wanted more. I wanted something else from the experience. Ultimately, it feels like something you could catch on a one hour television special and not like a full feature documentary.
Grade: C+

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford - My Lord, what cinematography! The film is shot beautifully. It's a breathtaking film to watch with performances that are really top notch. I can take or leave Brad Pitt but he did a good enough job as the outlaw Jesse James. Sam Rockwell, I thought, was excellent in his supporting role, especially in his last few scenes on screen. But the star of the show is really Casey Affleck as Robert Ford. Surprise, surprise! He is the star of this movie, not a supporting actor (Sorry to burst the Academy's bubble). Jesse James dies and guess what? The story continues! Because it's not about Jesse James. It's about Robert Ford. (Spoiler...) When Robert Ford dies, guess what? The story ends! Affleck definitely deserved his Oscar nomination. He's just riveting to watch, creating such a perfectly creepy yet naively innocent character. The movie itself is fantastic. I could have done without the narration which was more distracting than anything else but ultimately I felt the movie was pretty damn great.
Grade: A-

Lust, Caution - Ang Lee's NC-17 story about war, deception and crazy sex, Lust, Caution is slow burning and completely absorbing. It follows a group of drama students who decide to take their act into the real world, portraying make believe people in an effort to get close to a man they feel is helping the war effort. Tang Wei plays a woman, once shy and naive, who gets a little too close to said man. The results are intense. It's a riveting film totally worth checking out.
Grade: B+