Worst Films 2019

Back from my year long exile to post my best and worst of the year. I'll be updating from now until the end of the year with my best lists, but first let's get the worst of the year out of the way.

05. Dark Phoenix - Arguably the best story line in an X-Men comic, Dark Phoenix should have been the crowning achievement in a dying franchise. Following the catastrophic fall to the dark side for one time hero Jean Grey, and featuring returning series MVP's Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy, the movie version somehow falls terribly short. Newcomer Jessica Chastain does her best to elevate this mess, but ultimately the movie suffers from a convoluted plot line, messy action sequences, and a number of actors phoning it in (not mentioning any names **cough cough** Jennifer Lawrence). But the biggest mistake of all comes with the casting of young Jean Grey. I've only seen Sophie Turner on Game of Thrones and was holding out criticism of her acting (because Game of Thrones isn't really known for it's writing or acting), but it's possible she may be the least interesting, more boring actor alive. Someone with a little more intensity, or star power, could have helped make this movie at least watchable. Turner isn't that actor.

04. Serenity - SPOILER ALERT - See if you can keep up with me and this plot overview - Matthew McConaughey is a fisherman obsessed with capturing a large tuna. His ex-wife (a completely over the top Anne Hathaway) returns to entice him into killing her abusive new husband (Jason Clarke, who I somehow love even in this mess, even as a terrible person). Also, a creepy Kendall Roy is following him around and walking into the ocean in his suit. And Diane Lane is there, being needy and seductive. The big twist?? This is all a video game being played by an abused little boy. I know, I know. It's all as bizarre and ridiculous as it sounds.

03. Isn't it Romantic - No, no, it is not.

02. Cold Pursuit - Remember when Liam Neeson starred as a bad ass with a particular skill set who traversed the globe to avenge the kidnapping of his daughter? It was a high octane, thrilling, action movie that revitalized his career and was carried along by his movie star charisma and a relatively simple, but appealing plot. Well, this is about a snow plow driver who has to avenge the death of his junkie son and it lacks any of the charm, likability or thrills of the eerily similar Taken. Skip this. Watch Taken again.

01. Under the Silver Lake - This movie contains the following: a dog murderer, a pop band called Jesus and the Brides of Dracula, an underground comic book artist, characters called the "Owl Woman" and the "Homeless King", wealthy men faking their death and "ascending" to live in bunkers with three wives, and a talking squirrel. If any of this sounds appealing to you, then be my guest. I thought it was going to be pleasantly weird and wonderful as well. Turns out, it's just a mess.