Insidious

At first, I had little to no interest in seeing this film. The fact that it was written and directed by the people responsible for most of the Saw franchise, and produced by the guy responsible for Paranormal Activity was certainly NOT a selling point for me. In fact, it was a total turn off. As you may know, my predilection in horror movies is NOT the supernatural. I have no interest in ghosts and haunted houses and demons and whatever else because, you know what, prove to me that those exist first! No, you know what does exist? Crazy psychopaths with knives who break into your house in the middle of the night and hack you and your family into a million pieces. That shit happens! That shit is scary! Ghosts aren't scary to me in the least. So my interest in Insidious was pretty non-existant. Of course, I would check it out on DVD, probably hate it, whatever. But then I started reading the reviews. Reputable critics giving it grades like "A-" and calling it the scariest movie since Poltergeist. Tons of really great, really strong reviews. So I decided to give in and go see it. All I can say is, thank goodness I had a free movie ticket because I was right and you all were wrong. Insidious is, indeed, insidious.

Insidious stars Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne as a couple with three children who recently moved into a brand new house in some picturesque suburb somewhere. Soon after they move in, their oldest son falls into a sort of coma that the doctors can't explain. Then "scary" stuff starts to happen and mom Renee (Byrne, although Renee is spelled in the most stupid way possible and I refuse to accept it as an actual spelling for the name) starts to freak out. She hears scary noises and sees scary things. Ooooh! So scary. Anyway, hottie dad Josh (Wilson) believes her craziness and the family leaves their gorgeous suburban house and moves to a different, uglier house. But guess what? The ghosts and goblins and general cliched creepiness follows them. Barbara Hershey shows up for some unknown reason to be wasted in a terrible role and introduces them to some creepy lady (Lin Shaye) who informs them that the house isn't haunted, but their son is. THEN the movie gets really stupid, involving some strange gas mask apparatus and astral-projection and a whole bunch of other really stupid stuff. Blah, blah, blah, twist ending you saw coming a mile away.

I guess it's pretty plain to see that not only did I not like Insidious, but also, in fact, I hated it. There was absolutely nothing I could say about it that was positive except - I liked the opening credits! They were creepy and old school and enjoyable. It was pretty much all down hill from there. The performances by Wilson and Byrne, two actors who I like, were fine, I guess. Too bad they are stuck in a really terrible movie. Any sort of creepiness that builds up in the first half (and I'm saying that as a sort of objective point of view because where other people might find it "creepy" and "scary", I found it boring and dumb) gets completely ruined by a far-flung ridiculous second half. The fact that people genuinely find this movie good and scary makes me realize why there is really no hope for the future of the horror movie genre. I really hope Scream 4, a SLASHER movie about a crazy MAN who wears a mask and kills people for really no reason, is a huge success and ushers in a change. I can't handle all this supernatural crap that people find scary these days. It just doesn't do it for me, man. Anyway, I liked it better when it was called Poltergeist.

Grade: D-

Watchmen

Maybe it's because I never read the graphic novel. I don't know. Maybe I just don't get it. But when I say I hated Watchmen, I really hated Watchmen. I've heard it's a pretty faithful adaptation but I also heard the graphic novel was intelligent and thought-provoking. This movie is anything but. There is no soul here. Eventhough I very much love at least three of the actors in this movie, I didn't care about any of the characters at all. Not even a little bit. These characters just aren't fleshed out at all. The bromance between Night Owl and Rorschach is more realistic than the big love triangle and I don't think it should be. The movie is long but I love long movies. I have no problems with long movies... as long as they use the time wisely. I'm not sure that Watchmen does that. Also, being long is the least of the problems here. I know action movies (if this is even an action movie since there are long stretches where there is NO action whatsoever) don't necessarily need good scripts but the writing here was really terrible. The dialogue was very lacking of any wit or intelligence. And, sure, the special effects were great but it's 2009 - the special effects better be great!
The soundtrack was pretty amazing... but it doesn't fit the movie at all. You know when you see a movie and there is a certain scene and a certain song and you think, "My Lord, that song was just made for that scene!" Well, this movie is sort of the opposite of that. The songs were all great but with the exception of the great use of "The Times They Are A-Changing" by Bob Dylan, none of the songs fit with the movie at all. Also, just so you know, when I hear "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, I do not automatically think, "steamy sex scene." At all.
The acting was lacking at best. There was one person in this movie that was amazing - Jackie Earle Haley as Rorshchach. He was a complete and total badass and he was the one and only thing about this movie that made it worth watching (with the exception of Patrick Wilson's ass... which was just lovely). All of the other actors (and I adore Patrick Wilson and Matthew Goode and I like Billy Crudup a hell of a lot) were adequate at best. I do give props to the casting people for actually hiring real actors and not action heroes... but it just doesn't work.
Bascially, the movie was just a big mess. It was inconsistent and disjointed. At one point, near the end, I totally forgot about the basic plot of the movie. Rorschach said, "We need to find out who killed the Comedian" and I was all, "Oh yeah! That's what this mess is about." I'm sure everyone had the best of intentions but with their best efforts, came an incoherent mess.
Grades...
A+ for Patrick Wilson's ass
A- for Jackie Earle Haley's badass performance
D for the overall movie.

Mini Reviews...

Lakeview Terrace - Not exactly a bad movie, perse, just terribly trite and unoriginal. It's more a think piece about interracial relationships than a thriller about clashing neighbors. And, really, it just seems out of place in 2008. I mean, I know people are still prejudiced but do they really take it to this extreme? I find it hard to believe. It was probably the second most fun bad movie of the year (after Mamma Mia, of course). It was entertaining, if nothing else. And, you know, Patrick Wilson is so very nice to look at.
Grade: C-

My Best Friend's Girl - What the hell happened to Kate Hudson? I remember the days when she made good movies like 200 Cigarettes and Desert Blue and, you know, Almost Famous. Now she's trying too hard to be the romantic lead. She is charming as hell and it's hard not to like her but she's letting her talent go to waste with terrible scripts like this. I think there were about three times I laughed. Dane Cook is not funny. Jason Biggs is not... anything. Alec Baldwin was the saving grace of this disaster.
Grade: D+

Burn After Reading - Near the end of the film, J.K. Simmons tells a lackey, "Report back to me when this all makes sense." That's sort of how I felt as well. Lucky for the Coen Brothers (and their wonderfully outrageous cast), I like movies that are confusing and silly and often don't make much sense. John Malkovich is amazing in his role as a CIA agent who quits his job, writes his memoirs and has a sort of nervous breakdown. My favorite moment of the film is him walking off a boat wearing a robe and carrying an axe. John Malkovich is right up there with Eric Roberts as one of the coolest guys in the whole world. Brad Pitt is hilarious. I often dislike Pitt in films (because I dislike him in real life) but he was actually fun to watch here. George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand (worst. hair. ever.) and Richard Jenkins round out a really great cast who made an enjoyable, funny, entertaining film.
Grade: B+

The Life Before Her Eyes - Melodramatic to say the least. Almost unbearable to watch.
Grade: D-

Snow Angels - What a beautifully tragic desperate and ultimately devastating film. Director David Gordon Green has sure shown his versatatily this year. First he makes this tragic depressing little film (which released in February) and then he follows it up with one of the funniest movies of the summer (Pineapple Express). I don't want to tell you too much plot because it's really worth watching. There are a lot of twists and a lot of really great linear storytelling. The cast is phenomenal. The ladies - Kate Beckinsale (she can act!), Olivia Thirlby and Amy Sedaris - are just fine but it's the men - Sam Rockwell and Michael Angarano - who steal the show. Rockwell will break your heart.
Grade: B+

Married Life - Not necessarily bad. Anything starring Patricia Clarkson is automatically "not bad" in my book. Still, it's boring as hell. I didn't care about any of these characters or any of the ways they slept with each other. If it wasn't for Patricia, I don't think I could have even finished it. Maybe it's my hatred for Rachel McAdams. Maybe it was the lousy script. Who knows.
Grade: D+

Evening, Catch and Release (DVD)

Evening - There's one problem that most movies with flashback plots suffer from: one portion of the film is usually far more interesting than the other. Evening suffers from that same problem. Evening tells the story of a woman named Ann (Vanessa Redgrave) on her deathbed in present time. She is being tended to by her constantly fighting daughters Nina (Toni Collette) and Connie (Natasha Richardson). Connie has it all: the husband, the kids, the big fancy house. Nina is trying to get her life together. Every few years she finds herself with a new job and a new man. The two sisters struggle to rebuild their relationship while they watch their mother die. While on her death bed, Ann starts going on and on about people her daughters never met or heard of. She also starts remembering a certain weekend in her life where she learned a lot about friendship and love. The flashbacks are the more interesting story line here. It follows Young Ann (Claire Danes) who attends the fancy wedding of her best friend Lila (Mamie Gummer... Meryl Streep's daughter). While at the wedding, she finds herself in a sort of love triangle with her best friends little brother Buddy (Hugh Dancy) and the good-looking doctor Harris (Patrick Wilson) who also happens to be the love of Lila's life... although she's marrying someone else. Glenn Close shows up as Lila's uppity mother and Meryl Streep makes an appearance near the end as the elder Lila (how appropriate!). The performances, of course, are wonderful. How could they not be with a cast like this? Still, for all of these amazing women, guess who gives the best performance in the entire film? Hugh Dancy! He's a revelation. Where did this guy come from and how can he play a drunk with such charm and vulnerability? If I had any weight at all with Oscar voters, I would start putting it all behind Dancy right now. I really hope they remember him come December. The film itself is a little uneven. It goes from being utterly interesting to a tad boring. Of course, Toni Collette keeps things interesting in the present tense storyline. The flashbacks are the superior part of the film. Yet, eventhough it's a tad uneven, the writing and performances and script are strong enough to not mind all that much. Plus, the movie is an emotional ride. It's a chick flick of the greatest kind. It may not be the best movie of the year... or the summer for that matter... but's definitely worth your time.
Grade: B


Catch and Release - I had a friend warn me to stay away from this movie because it was surely one of the worst movies of the year. Maybe it's because my expectations were so utterly low (I was expecting something as bad as Evan Almighty here) but I didn't think the movie was really all that bad. I mean, it could have been worse. It could have suffered from not starring two charismatic and charming actors: Jennifer Garner and Timothy Olyphant. Sure, the script was absolutely far fetched but aren't most romantic comedies far fetched? Anyway, the story line follows Grey (Garner) whose fiancee dies just before her wedding. Instead of a reception, she has to go through a funeral instead. Soon after, she realizes she can't pay her rent without him so she moves in with his friends (one of whom is Kevin Smith... playing Kevin Smith... this is either a good or bad thing depending on how much you like Kevin Smith). Soon, she finds herself reluctantly falling in love with her dead fiancee's best friend (Olyphant) eventhough she hated him in the beginning. Juliette Lewis turns up as a woman the dead fiancee slept with and she has a violent son who may or may not be his illigitmate child. The scripts not perfect, the dialogue is lacking, it's not as funny as it thinks it is and all of the romantic comedy cliches are there. Still, it's not a terrible movie. There are times when it's entertaining and it's actually enjoyable enough to not bore you to tears.
Grade: C-

Little Children and Notes on a Scandal (DVD)

Little Children - Little Children is wonderful and intricate drama that focuses on suburban America and the lives of people who are completely unfulfilled. Unhappy marriages. Unsatisfied lives. There is nothing more depressing than living a boring life. Sarah (Kate Winslet) is a brilliant woman who somehow finds herself in a marriage with a dull man addicted to an internet fetish website. She busies herself with her daughter who she seems at times highly disinterested in. She spends her days psychoanalyzing the local Moms at the park and her nights walking with an older woman. That is until she meets Brad (Patrick Wilson) - or The Prom King, as the park Moms call him. He is equally unsatisfied with his life. While his wife is busy making documentary films, he spends his days with his son at parks and the pool. The two become friends first. They talk and chat while their children play at the park and the pool. Sarah becomes entranced with their innocent flirations. That is, until a stormy afternoon sends them indoors. Winslet and Wilson play their characters with an understated melancholy - unearthing their mutual attraction, not in a fit of passion but in the natural course of daily events. Simply stated, the fill each other's voids. As an underscore to all this sex and passion, there is Ronnie (a wonderful, terrific, amazing Jackie Earle Haley), a man recently released from prison after exposing himself to a child. His complex role, played with such a creepy sensitivity (if that makes sense) is the absolute best thing about the movie. There is a particularly memorable scene after a date with a woman he meets through a personal ad where he oh-so-quickly destroys a trust that had been building throughout the evening. Ronnie becomes the talk and the menace of the town. The Moms and Dads hate him and make it known that he is not welcome in their town. The only one on his side is his loving and sweet mom, May. As someone who read the book and loved it, I was expecting to hate the little changes I knew they would make... but I didn't. There was a lot of backstory, supporting characters and fleshing out of story lines that was missing but it's really impossible to include everything unless you want a seven hour movie. I found the narration was bothersome but I'll let it pass since I did enjoy the movie so much (but not quite as much as Todd Field's other masterpiece In the Bedroom). Haley is brilliant. Winslet and Wilson are wonderful. The script and the direction are top notch. This is not a brilliant or perfect film, but it does have moments of brilliance and perfection.

Grade: A-

Notes On A Scadal - The only thing that seperates Notes on a Scandal from a Lifetime movie is the fact that Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett star. That's not to say I didn't thoroughly enjoy it (I love Lifetime movies!). Dench plays Barbara, a "battle axe" high school teacher. She is fiercely intelligent and utterly unloved and alone. The new year brings Sheba (Blanchett), a beautiful young art teacher with a husband and two children. Barbara slowly works her way into Sheba's life only to learn that she is carrying on an affair with a 15 year old pupil. Instead of telling the powers that be at the school, Barbara uses this knowledge to become closer and closer to Sheba. Then, of course, the secret gets out (as most secrets do). On paper, it's a trite plot and is suitable only for Lifetime. But, when you add Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett and Patrick Marber's acidic script, the movie manages to become rather interesting and well done. Blanchett plays her teacher as a week character, caught up in her emotions and that is the perfect foil for Dench and her steely determination and ruthless pursuit for companionship. Another thing that keeps this from becoming a Lifetime movie is that it manages to steer clear of sensationalism to present present the sad inner lives of two women. The middle section of the film falls apart a bit at times - it's not nearly as gripping as the beginning and the conclusion (that wonderful dark humored ending), but Notes on a Scandal is still an engaging and emotionally intense film.

Grade: B+

Sidenote: I have begun watching the Horrorfest: 8 Movies To Die For (eventhough there are only 7... wtf?) films. I will save my reviews until I see all of them but I would just like to say that in the film Penny Dreadful, the keyword is Dreadful.