DVD Reviews

Time to get caught up with the movies from 2013 that I missed in theaters earlier this year. Well, "missed" is a relative term, I guess.

Parker
Starring: Jason Statham, Jennifer Lopez
Plot: A con man / thief done wrong by a group he went in on a job with goes after said group to get revenge.
Thoughts: This is a pretty basic Jason Statham movie. That being said, if the script had been tighter or the direction a little more aspiring, it would have been a much better, cooler movie. I watch whatever movies I can from any given year so I have a well-rounded opinion of the best and worst at the end of the year. This was quite a bit better than I was expecting.
Grade: C-

Snitch
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Jon Bernthal, Susan Sarandon, Barry Pepper
Plot: A business man becomes a crusader for the DEA when his son gets arrested for drug possession. In order to get him out of prison, he must deliver a much bigger fish.
Thoughts: Listen, I don't know if it's because I miss Bernthal (Shane) on The Walking Dead, or if The Rock is sort of my guilty plesaure (I find him mind-boggingly sexy and charming), but I actually sort of enjoyed this movie. It's not good, per se, but it is, at the very least, fun.
Grade: C+

Broken City
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Russell Crowe, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jeffrey Wright, Kyle Chandler, Barry Pepper, James Ransone
Plot: An ex-cop turned private eye is hired by the mayor to prove his wife is cheating on him a few weeks before the re-election that he's losing.
Thoughts: The second movie in a row that I watched at home starring Barry Pepper in which he was the best thing in the cast. With all these heavy hitters in the cast (and actors I genuinely love - Chandler, Pepper, Ransone, Alona Tal), I thought that perhaps this movie fell through the cracks on my radar. How can all these people go so wrong?? (Confession: I watched this soley for James Ransone who was in it for approximately 4 minutes. Don't make the same mistake).
Grade: D+

Beautiful Creatures
Starring: Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Jeremy Irons, Viola Davis, Emma Thompson, Emmy Rossum
Plot: A witch, who has about three months before it is decided whether she will be a good witch or a bad witch, falls for a mortal before against the wishes of her cray-cray family.
Thoughts: Boy was this movie fun!! It's not good but at least it doesn't take itself as seriously as those Twilight movies. It sort of reminded me of Obsessed from a few years ago, a movie with which I was obsessed. (A character in this movie utters the line, "Stay away from my boyfriend, WITCH!"). Oh, it's so bad, it's good! But on a serious note, Ehrenreich makes the whole thing worth watching. He is going to be a star. He reminds me of a young Jack Nicholson, which his big grin and endless charm.
Grade: C+

Gangster Squad
Starring: Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, Giovanni Ribisi, Anthony Mackie, Michael Pena, Emma Stone, Nick Nolte
Plot: In 1949 Los Angeles, a group of vigilante cops band together to take down mob kingpin Mickey Cohen.
Thoughts: Here is how I think this movie got such an enviable cast. Sean Penn gets the script and he reads the first five pages, right up until he says that he gets to say a line like, "I'm God so you might as well swear to me." He's pretty excited about this and fails to read the next hundred pages. Josh Brolin hears that Sean Penn signed on so he does as well. Ryan Gosling hears both Penn and Brolin are in this movie, and signs on as well. I'm convinced none of them actually read the script. This is a great role for Penn, who knocks it out of the park, but he's the only reason to watch this mess.
Grade: D+

Les Miserables

I know that I'm not the best writer in the world. I wish I had more time to spend on writing reviews on here. Basically, I get 15 minute breaks at work and that's all the time I get. But I like writing and movies and so this blog is totally for me. If a few people stumble upon my reviwes, then that's fine too. Sometimes, when I write a review about a really great movie, I wish I was a better writer so I could properly convey certain things about the brilliance of said movie. But, I wish this was even more true when I want to write a review of a movie I hated. Because I wish I had the time, energy and talent to let everyone know why I hated Les Miserables so damn much.

I've never seen the stage musical of Les Mis, but I am a fan of musicals in general. In fact, besides horror movies, there probably isn't a genre of film I love more, guilty pleasures and all. I will make excuses for badly done horror movies and musicals more than any other type of film. Rock of Ages came out earlier this year, a musical that was average, at best. But no matter how bad that movie was, it is, at the very least, infinitely more fun than the borefest that is Les Mis. Maybe it has something to do with director Tom Hooper. This is two films I've seen him direct now, and both I absolutely hated while the rest of the world praised them to no ends. The first was 2010's Oscar winning The King's Speech which I found just as dreadful as this, and which took the Best Picture Oscar away from the greatest film of the last decade - The Social Network. I really did try to like Les Mis, which is basically the story of a bunch of poverty stricken prostitutes and slaves, trying to better themselves through a lot of songs. Like, A LOT of songs. Boring song after boring song after boring song. AND THEY ALL SOUND THE SAME!!! Eventually, we get to the real story, about the beginning of the French Revolution and the plot keeps fast forwarding years at a time so we can meet new characters and THEY could sing boring songs that sound like the boring songs the other characters just sang. And all of this is done with the use of incredibly annoying, disconcerting extreme close ups that literally made me want to scream at the top of my lungs.

And while I want to give this movie an F so, so badly, I can't do it. I can't do it because there are two, and exactly two good things about Les Mis. There are two good performances, and these two women get to sing the only two good songs in the entire play of seemingly 60 some songs (THAT ALL SOUND THE SAME) and then they die. The first is Anne Hathaway. She plays factory worker / single mom turned down on her luck prostitute Fantine. Fantine is about twenty mintues into the movie and only sticks around for about twenty minutes which is just enough time to cry and grovel and nail I Dreamed a Dream and then die, leaving the audience wanting more. (Although, she does show up as some sort of angel / ghost near the end which sort of ruins her performance for me, almost, although it's not her fault. I imagine it was the filmmakers way of saying, 'Hey, remember she was in this movie for 10 minutes what seems like 6 hours ago. Remember how good she was so give her an Oscar.') I'm not sure she is going to win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress but if Jennifer Hudson can win it essentially for killing it singing And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going, then Hathaway has a shot. After Fantine's death, we have to suffer through a lot more crap - terrible singing from Russell Crowe, swoony doe eyes from Amanda Seyfried, Helena Bonham Cater and her newest weirdo character (SIDE NOTE: If she ever wants to impress me again the way she impressed me in Fight Club, she's going to need to play some boring suburban housewife who drives an SUV and wears Cardigans and walks her dog and shops at Target), and Aaron Tveit who is too talented to be stuck playing "Guy in Red Jacket" and really should have played Marius, and Eddie Redmayne's bizarre handsomeness, etc. etc. Then finally we come to the second great performance, one I think I even prefered over Hathaway. Samantha Barks plays Eponine, a young girl who loves a boy who loves someone else, and she is fantastic as the girl who is a friend, sure, but maybe unloveable to the only boy who matters. She sings the single best song in the movie - On My Own and nails it, walking in the rain, whispering "I love him." She's perfection. And then she dies too and we are stuck with more boring songs (THAT ALL SOUND THE SAME) and more annoying close ups and more opulence that, I guess, is supposed to make us think the movie is epic when really it's just all too much.

There might be a good movie in here somewhere, but Les Mis needs a better director, and a better editor in order to find it. Mostly I just found the entire thing dreadful. And the worst thing about the whole thing is that after it was over, people in the theater STOOD UP AND CLAPPED! I had been imagining ways to fake a seizure or something in order to get the hell out of there, and people were giving it a standing ovation! It completely blew my mind, which is possibly why I've been so angry about this movie for the last few days.

I told myself I was going to be a less snarky, nicer person starting in 2013, but I guess I'm not off to a good start.

Grade: D

Vantage Point + more

Vantage Point - The concept of Vantage Point isn't exactly bad. It's sort of interesting actually. The premise is: the President gets assassinated at a Summit meeting in Spain. Then, the same twenty minutes are shown multiple times from different points of view which all uncover different clues to lead you to the conclusion. If it had been executed properly, this movie could have been very strong. Unfortunately, it's absolutely predictible (at least I predicted it from twenty minutes in), the dialogue is terrible and the movie more or less dumbs itself down. It's not the cast that is to blame. Granted they don't have much to work with but William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Dennis Quaid, and Forest Whitaker are all strong actors. Still, the most interesting parts of movie, for me, was when they showed the story from the point of view of the seemingly background characters. There was a car chase near the end which was pretty fantastic at first and then just became more and more ridiculous. Then there were a lot of small things that just drove me kind of crazy. First of all, this international counter-terrorism summit is hosted, not by the prime minister of Spain or another high ranking Spanish politician but by... the mayor. Yeah, ok. Also, in such events, I would think the general public would not be allowed to show up, especially such a huge crowd. But what do I know. I also hated the way the movie assumed the audience was dumb (granted, most of them probably were because people on imdb seem to like this movie). It showed us something that happend in the past of Quaid's character. Then, literally, fifteen minutes later, it showed us again in flashbacks. Let's remind the audience why this character is so stressed and paranoid in case they already forgot. I also have quite a few issues with the ending. I'm trying not to give too much away but the reason the terrorists don't succeed with their mission is because the getaway car crashes... because they didn't want to hit a little girl. Now, before you say, awww, such nice terrorists, consider that they already assassinated a president, blew up a square full of innocent bystanders, orchestrated a detailed kidnapping plot and engaged in a high speed chase through small side streets of a Spanish village. But, no, god forbid we hit a little girl who is too stupid to get out of the road for a speeding vehicle! The thing that bothers me so much about this movie is that it actually could have been really good. But, alas, for now, Cloverfield still sits atop the Best of 2008 list... and that's kind of sad.
Grade: D+

Margot at the Wedding - Noah Baumbach, how I love you. Margot at the Wedding is a neurotic biting film where the laughs are as sharp as razor blades. They come fast and furious and are often enough to draw blood. It focuses on a disfunctional relationship between two sisters (Nicole Kidman is the titular Margot and Jennifer Jason Leigh is her sister Pauline) who haven't spoken in years. Margot and her son Claude come to stay with Pauline to celebrate her wedding to Malcolm (Jack Black who is somehow maybe channeling Napoleon Dynamite). The film is choppily edited and the piece has a structure which is all over the place. Still, I mostly enjoyed it. I didn't love it as much as The Squid and the Whale but it's still a strong film. Leigh is fantastic as a mostly mellow woman who has a serious lack of accomplishment and a penchant for temper tantrums (which are completely justified usually). Kidman as Margot is the best she's ever been in my opinion. She likes to make trouble for everyone to keep the focus on them and away from her own problems. There is a point when Margot and Pauline even become like an extension of the same character. There are a lot of clues to things that may hide under the surface (abuse, incest, etc.) but is never really investigated further. This is a very dark film but it's mostly enjoyable. I loved Kidman and I loved Leigh. I did have a few problems with the film (the babysitter while I guess she served a purpose, was just plain annoying and the next door neighbors who seemingly inhabited a whole different world). Also, I didn't exactly love the ending. Still, the movie is sharply written and the performances by the leading ladies are superb.
Grade: B

American Gangster - The very first scene in American Gangster shows a man getting lit on fire. That is a perfect way to start a film, in my opinion. It took me a while to give in and watch this movie. I couldn't get over the two hour and forty minute running time. Now, I love a long movie. There Will Be Blood was almost three hours long and I wish it would have been LONGER! Still, I love Daniel Day-Lewis and I love Paul Dano and I will watch them for ten hours if Paul Thomas Anderson wants me to. However, I don't really love Denzel Washington and I am just now starting to not hate Russell Crowe so the almost three hour time was daunting. I do love Josh Brolin but he's barely in this movie, unfortunately. Anyway, American Gangster follows Washington's Frank Lucas, a driver for a mob boss who dies and then decides to take over Harlem for himself. He goes oversees and starts smuggling pure drugs into New York City. It's twice as good as the other stuff on the street and half as expensive. He becomes a multi-millinaire and more or less runs the streets of Harlem. Crowe plays Richie Roberts, a cop who is honest on the job but not with his wife. He heads up a drug enforcement program and he begins to center his investigation on Frank Lucas after a while. While the film is long, it's mostly engrossing and enjoyable. While everyone keeps talking about Washington with this film (and he does play a badass, whatever), I liked Crowe's more subtle performance better. The different sides of his personality are always fighting with each other and his nuances are perfect. Then there's Ruby Dee. She's nominated for Best Supporting Actress at tonight's Oscars and she might win and... I don't think she deserves it at all! Sorry, but she had one good scene. It was a solid stand out scene but it is hardly Oscar worthy. Overall, I really liked the movie... until the last five minutes when they show what happened to all the different characters in real life. I won't ruin it but there is a certain turn of events that I feel is completely against the characters of the film and that sort of ruined the movie for me a little bit. It made me feel like I was lied to; there was a character I admired and learned to like that I just felt betrayed by. To sum up: Ruby Dee should not win Best Supporting Actress, T.I. is a sexy man... but not as sexy as Josh Brolin, and Russell Crowe totally blows Denzel out of the water here.
Grade: B-

Tomorrow - Oscar wrap-up!

3:10 to Yuma, Shoot Em Up

3:10 to Yuma - The truth is, I'm not a fan of the Western in general. I find them too busy, too distracting, too difficult to follow at times. The truth also is that I'm just not that well versed in the Western as a genre. I've seen two that I like: The Quick and the Dead and Tombstone. Other than that, I tend to avoid them at all costs. Perhaps I should rethink that. The remake of 3:10 to Yuma has an intoxicating swagger about it. It's got charm, it's got wit, it's got action, it's got character development and great performances! There's not much more you can really ask, especially at this point in the season. Summer's over. All the blockbuster's are done. The disappointing movies are over. It's time to get into Oscar season. 3:10 to Yuma is the perfect crossover. For me, it wasn't an amazing film but it's a million times better than most of the stuff that came out in the last three and a half months. I'll admit it took me a while to get into the movie which is why I can't ultimately give it a higher grade. At first it was a little on the boring side but about halfway through it really, really picks up and becomes exhilirating. The movie follows Ben Wade (Russell Crowe), a legendary outlaw who is the epitome of badness and coolness. He has a crew of guys who are downright evil (one of which is the wonderful Ben Foster who has really played some of the most interesting characters this year). He gets arrested and a group of men have to transfer him to Contention to make sure he gets on the 3:10 train to Yuma where he'll be imprisoned. One of the men is farmer in debt Dan played by Christian Bale, who perfectly captures the desperation of a man who is continually done wrong by his country, politicians and even God. The film also features Peter Fonda as a bounty hunter and Gretchen Mol as Dan's long-suffering wife. There are horses and gunfights and Luke Wilson makes a surprise appearance. James Mangold (director of Walk the Line) has a gritty approach to the film and it's fantastic. (And Kudos for not giving us a ton of agonizing close ups of clocks). He really builds tension perfectly in the last few minutes. By the way, that ending is fantastic. I don't think I've loved an ending so much all year. I won't ruin it, but, WOW! That's all I have to say. The action is fast paced but also not overbearing. There are breaks to build character and develop plot. But when the action starts, it really starts. The performances are absolutely wonderful. Foster as Charlie Prince, Crowe's right-hand man, is scary and hilarious at the same time - something Foster does so well. Fonda's role is too brief but wonderful. Mol doesn't have much to do but I always wonder why she doesn't make more movies. She's excellent in everything she does, people just need to give her more to work with. But, really, it comes down to an actor showdown between Bale and Crowe. Crowe is having the time of his life playing the bad ass. He's wicked and intense. He's provocative, smug, and, later, shows true compassion and tenderness. Bale is gritty and sympathetic. In a film about atonement, he tries to prove to his family (especially tag along 14 year old son) that he's not a bad father and husband. His performance is subtle and moving. So, who wins the showdown? While I'm more of a Bale person usually, I'd have to say Crowe is a bit better by a hair. With a simple message of friendship, redemption and morality, this movie really is entertaining and well done.

Grade: B

Shoot Em Up - When people say a movie has 'non-stop action,' they usually don't mean it literally. But, seriously kids, Shoot Em Up has non-stop action. This movie has absolutley no regard for logic, plot or development. It leaves all that, you know, the boring stuff, completely out of the picture. And the result is something that is halfway fun and halfway eye-rolling ridiculous. Half the time I didn't know if I should laugh or be offended. The movie starts with the mysterious Mr. Smith (Clive Owen) coming to the rescue of a pregnant woman and, after cutting the umbilical cord via bullets, and, after the woman is shot in the head, somehow decides to raise the baby who a bunch of crazy men are trying to kill (including a truly wicked Paul Giamatti) with the help of his lactating hooker friend (Maria Bello). Like I said, there is pretty much no plot here at all. That doesn't mean it's not fun! Among the many shocking/fun/ridiculous moments: Clive Owen kills multiple people with a carrot. Oh, and since the movie is called Shoot Em Up, there are a lot of gun fights. Gun fights while sky diving. Gun fights while having sex (which apparently will give you the best orgasm of your life!). Gun fights while in the playground. Clive Owen is absolutely perfect for the tragic hero sort of character he plays often. He's cocky and charming with a great swagger about him. Plus, he's just about the sexiest actor working today. Paul Giamatti is wonderful here as well. But, honestly, it was all just a little bit too much for me. I mean, I know that's what the movie was going for but I really don't need to see a man carrying a baby around while he's shooting ten other men and then jumping from a building into a window and crashing into someone's living room. The whole thing is fun. The action is there. The dialogue is atrocious. It loses it's steam somewhere around the final act and what started out as entertaining becomes ultimately tiresome. Still, it's definitely a fun time. In the end, it was all just a little bit too ridiculous for me.

Grade: C-