August / September 2015

The Gift
Stars - Jason Bateman, Rebecca Hall, Joel Edgerton
Plot - An old high school acquaintance starts to creep out a young couple.
Thoughts - Written, directed, produced by and starring Joel Edgerton, The Gift was one of the best movies of the summer. Not only does it harken back to the great Hitchcockian thriller, but also it stays with you for days, weeks, months after you've seen it.
Grade - B+

Ricki and the Flash
Stars - Meryl  Streep, Kevin Kline, Mamie Gummer, Rick Springfield
Plot - A bar musician returns home to the family she abandoned after her daughter goes through a heartbreaking divorce.
Thoughts - This should have been the most fun movie of the year (Streep singing Lady Gaga, anyone?). And parts of it ARE fun, but it mostly feels awkward and it mostly falls flat, thanks to a lackluster script by Juno scribe Diablo Cody.
Grade - C+

The Gunman
Stars - Sean Penn, Javier Bardem
Plot/Thoughts - Sean Penn stars as Liam Neeson! No, honestly I don't even really remember because it was so bad and so long ago and so forgettable.
Grade - D

Child 44
Stars - Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, Noomi Rapace
Plot - A Russian soldier investigates the murder of a young boy.
Thoughts - Somewhere in this mess, there might be a good movie. I mean, how really can you go wrong with Hardy and Oldman? But the truth is, this is a mess and just about unwatchable.
Grade - D+

Straight Outta Compton
Stars - O'Shea Jackson, Paul Giamatti
Plot - The trials and tribulations of NWA, the group that invented gangster rap.
Thoughts - Listen, there isn't much I love more than late 80s/early 90s hip hop, and this biopic does justice to a group of politically conscious "thugs" from Compton. The cast is mostly unknown, and they are uniformly great, especially Jackson, who plays his dad, Ice Cube. This is sort of a must see.
Grades - B+

Aloha
Stars - Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray
Plot - A former army guy returns to Hawaii for a ceremony and gets entangled with his former flame and a new lady.
Thoughts - When do I stop giving Cameron Crowe a pass? He wrote and directed my very favorite movie of all time (Almost Famous), but is that enough to keep letting him off the hook for making crappy movies. Because Aloha is so, so, so very crappy.
Grade - D-

Insurgent
Stars - Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Kate Winslet, Miles Teller
Plot - Tris and co. are on the run when the Erudite leaders realize her divergence might be the key to stopping war.
Thoughts - Ugh. I remember liking the book and liking Divergent, but this mostly seems like a bit of a mess. The fact is, these books/movies  to keep you wanting more the way The Hunger Games do, so I'm mostly kind of over Tris and her virtual reality nonsense.
Grade - C-

Black Mass
Stars - Johnny Depp, Joel Edgerton, Jesse Plemmons, etc.
Plot - The true story of Whitey Bulger, the Boston gangster who became an FBI informant so he could literally get away with murder.
Thoughts - I had a lot to say about this after I first watched it, but I forgot most of it which sort of sums up Black Mass, you know? The performances are across the board stellar, and I know everyone is talking about Johnny Depp's chilling performance, but he's mostly one note. The real star of the show is Joel Edgerton's FBI agent who is so complicated and layered, it's a pleasure to watch. Mostly though, you can skip this and just rewatch The Departed.
Grade - C+

Love & Mercy
Stars - Paul Dano, John Cusack, Elizabeth Banks, and Paul Giamatti playing his second sleazy music guy of the summer.
Plot - Intersecting stories follow Brian Wilson in the 60s (Dano) while he records Pet Sounds and starts to lose his shit and in the 80s (Cusack) when he is trying to get out from under his tyrannical doctor/manager.
Thoughts - This movie really nails what a tortured genius Brian Wilson is and mostly it's a really solid biopic. The 60s segment is much more engaging, either because Dano actually looks like Wilson (Cusack not so much), or because Dano gives one of the best performances we are likely to see this year.
Grade - B

Horror Movie Month + The Ides of March

Horror Movie Month - Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns
The stars: The ridiculously sexy Norman Reedus
The plot: A theater owner in debt searches for a super rare film in order to make some cash. Said film is a foreign movie that was only shown once in public. Seems everyone who sees it becomes a homicidal maniac.
The scares: It's not scary at all, but interesting. The premise is pretty great although I'm not sure it's executed well. Shame on you, John Carpenter.
The body count: It's hard to tell if things are happening for real or all in his head. Maybe 5.
The grade: C+

Horror Movie Month - I Spit On Your Grave
The stars: Sarah Butler
The plot: In the remake to the BEST REVENGE MOVIE OF ALL TIME, a young writer goes to a secluded cabin alone to work on her next novel. She is brutally beaten and rapes by a group of local men who leave her for dead. A month later she seeks revenge.
The scares: Not scary at all, but disturbing and gory as hell. (Although the part where a certain person gets their eyes pecked out by birds scared me to death, but maybe only because I'm terrified of birds).
The body count: Five. And they all deserved exactly what they got.
The Grade: Not nearly as good as the original... C-

Horror Movie Month - Seconds Apart
The stars: Orlando Jones
The plot: Two creepy twins use their powers for evil instead of good and wreck havoc on the mean kids at their school.
The scares: Not so much. It's actually pretty stupid and pointless, to be honest. The twins are creepy though. Too bad they aren't in a better movie.
The body count: Seven.
The Grade: D

The Ides of March - Ryan Gosling continues to knock it out of the park, giving his second amazing starring performance in the last two months. First up was his cool and collected performance in Drive. Now he is the star of the best ensemble cast of the year in the political drama The Ides of March. Gosling stars as Steven, a hot young campaign manager who is working for the next would be president (George Clooney). The governor seems perfect and it seems Steven and his colleagues (including Phillip Seymour Hoffman) can't lose. However, throw in a troublemaking journalist (Marisa Tomei), the opponent's sneaky manager (Paul Giamatti) and a sexy young intern (Evan Rachel Wood) and you've got yourself one hell of a movie. Like I said, this is the best ensemble of the year with everyone giving amazing performances. Clooney is also the director and he does a damn good job. The writing is sharp and crisp and the story is engaging. This one is a sleeper for the Oscars next year. It's definitely a great film!
Grade: B+

Quickies: Contagion, Drive and more!

Win Win - Indie darlings Paul Giamatti and Amy Ryan star as a Midwestern couple who all but adopt a young wrestling prodigy in this charming little film. Giamatti and Ryan are both fantastic in their roles, especially Giamatti who doesn't play necessarily the most likable person in the world. Bobby Cannavale manages to steal every scene he's in, of course. I was expecting just your average indie quirky film but it had a lot more depth and heart that I was expecting. It's definitely worth checking out.
Grade: B-

Contagion - If you think this is just going to be another boring disaster type flick about an epic disease spreading through the world is wrong. This isn't Outbreak. This a great film from director Steven Soderbergh with, probably, the most perfect cast of the year: Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, John Hawkes, Marion Cotillard, Bryan Cranston, Laurence Fishburn. Paltrow goes oversees on a business trip and manages to become infected. When she returns home, she begins to pass the virus to everyone around her. And so it begins. Watch as husbands mourn their cheating dead spouses and struggle to keep their daughter disease free, doctors try to find a cure and trace the beginning, and sleazy journalists try to profit from the whole thing. A great thrilling interesting timely film.
Grade: B

Paul / Your Highness - I could pretty much say the same thing about both of these movies: so much wasted talented!!! Paul is about a couple of nerds leaving Comic Con who discover a real alien and run from the FBI. The wasted comedic talent includes, but is not limited to: Simon Pegg, Kristen Wiig, Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, Jane Lynch and my beloved Landry from Fright Night Lights (a.k.a. Jesse Plemmons). Your Highness is an epic about a stoner knight who goes on a quest with his handsome brother to save his virgin bride from an evil wizard. Not only is it directed by David Gordon Green, the genius who directed All the Real Girls and George Washington, but also it wastes the considerable talents of Natalie Portman, James Franco, Zooey Deschanel and Justin Theroux (and the somewhat lesser talents of Danny McBride). Neither film is funny at all. Both are a huge waste of time and will probably end up on my Worst of the Year list.
Grade: F for both

Drive - This movie has a massive amount of swagger and style from the very first second of the film. You are immediately engrossed in this beautifully filmed story about a stunt car driver for films who finds himself caught up in a crazy world of driving criminals from whatever place they happen to be robbing. And, boy, can he drive. He being Ryan Gosling, who mesmerizes and smolders his way through this film. He's fantastic. As is the supporting cast of Carey Mulligan (who is pretty much Michelle Williams, version 2.0 and that is NOT a bad thing), Bryan Cranston (again!), Ron Perlman and SCENE STEALER EXTRAORDINAIRE Albert Brooks. Seriously, Brooks is sooo damn good, I can't imagine him not being nominated for an Oscar at this point. This movie is simply beautiful, one of the best of the year. It's silent and intense and a great slow burn thriller that goes from zero to extreme violence in the blink of an eye. This movie should not be missed!
Grade: B+

3:10 to Yuma, Shoot Em Up

3:10 to Yuma - The truth is, I'm not a fan of the Western in general. I find them too busy, too distracting, too difficult to follow at times. The truth also is that I'm just not that well versed in the Western as a genre. I've seen two that I like: The Quick and the Dead and Tombstone. Other than that, I tend to avoid them at all costs. Perhaps I should rethink that. The remake of 3:10 to Yuma has an intoxicating swagger about it. It's got charm, it's got wit, it's got action, it's got character development and great performances! There's not much more you can really ask, especially at this point in the season. Summer's over. All the blockbuster's are done. The disappointing movies are over. It's time to get into Oscar season. 3:10 to Yuma is the perfect crossover. For me, it wasn't an amazing film but it's a million times better than most of the stuff that came out in the last three and a half months. I'll admit it took me a while to get into the movie which is why I can't ultimately give it a higher grade. At first it was a little on the boring side but about halfway through it really, really picks up and becomes exhilirating. The movie follows Ben Wade (Russell Crowe), a legendary outlaw who is the epitome of badness and coolness. He has a crew of guys who are downright evil (one of which is the wonderful Ben Foster who has really played some of the most interesting characters this year). He gets arrested and a group of men have to transfer him to Contention to make sure he gets on the 3:10 train to Yuma where he'll be imprisoned. One of the men is farmer in debt Dan played by Christian Bale, who perfectly captures the desperation of a man who is continually done wrong by his country, politicians and even God. The film also features Peter Fonda as a bounty hunter and Gretchen Mol as Dan's long-suffering wife. There are horses and gunfights and Luke Wilson makes a surprise appearance. James Mangold (director of Walk the Line) has a gritty approach to the film and it's fantastic. (And Kudos for not giving us a ton of agonizing close ups of clocks). He really builds tension perfectly in the last few minutes. By the way, that ending is fantastic. I don't think I've loved an ending so much all year. I won't ruin it, but, WOW! That's all I have to say. The action is fast paced but also not overbearing. There are breaks to build character and develop plot. But when the action starts, it really starts. The performances are absolutely wonderful. Foster as Charlie Prince, Crowe's right-hand man, is scary and hilarious at the same time - something Foster does so well. Fonda's role is too brief but wonderful. Mol doesn't have much to do but I always wonder why she doesn't make more movies. She's excellent in everything she does, people just need to give her more to work with. But, really, it comes down to an actor showdown between Bale and Crowe. Crowe is having the time of his life playing the bad ass. He's wicked and intense. He's provocative, smug, and, later, shows true compassion and tenderness. Bale is gritty and sympathetic. In a film about atonement, he tries to prove to his family (especially tag along 14 year old son) that he's not a bad father and husband. His performance is subtle and moving. So, who wins the showdown? While I'm more of a Bale person usually, I'd have to say Crowe is a bit better by a hair. With a simple message of friendship, redemption and morality, this movie really is entertaining and well done.

Grade: B

Shoot Em Up - When people say a movie has 'non-stop action,' they usually don't mean it literally. But, seriously kids, Shoot Em Up has non-stop action. This movie has absolutley no regard for logic, plot or development. It leaves all that, you know, the boring stuff, completely out of the picture. And the result is something that is halfway fun and halfway eye-rolling ridiculous. Half the time I didn't know if I should laugh or be offended. The movie starts with the mysterious Mr. Smith (Clive Owen) coming to the rescue of a pregnant woman and, after cutting the umbilical cord via bullets, and, after the woman is shot in the head, somehow decides to raise the baby who a bunch of crazy men are trying to kill (including a truly wicked Paul Giamatti) with the help of his lactating hooker friend (Maria Bello). Like I said, there is pretty much no plot here at all. That doesn't mean it's not fun! Among the many shocking/fun/ridiculous moments: Clive Owen kills multiple people with a carrot. Oh, and since the movie is called Shoot Em Up, there are a lot of gun fights. Gun fights while sky diving. Gun fights while having sex (which apparently will give you the best orgasm of your life!). Gun fights while in the playground. Clive Owen is absolutely perfect for the tragic hero sort of character he plays often. He's cocky and charming with a great swagger about him. Plus, he's just about the sexiest actor working today. Paul Giamatti is wonderful here as well. But, honestly, it was all just a little bit too much for me. I mean, I know that's what the movie was going for but I really don't need to see a man carrying a baby around while he's shooting ten other men and then jumping from a building into a window and crashing into someone's living room. The whole thing is fun. The action is there. The dialogue is atrocious. It loses it's steam somewhere around the final act and what started out as entertaining becomes ultimately tiresome. Still, it's definitely a fun time. In the end, it was all just a little bit too ridiculous for me.

Grade: C-

Halloween, The Nanny Diaries, Summer Movie Wrap-Up, September Preview

Halloween - As far as I'm concerned, there are four perfect horror movies. I use the word 'horror' to mean both slashers and psychological horror films. Anyway, those four movies are (in no particular order): The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Rosemary's Baby, The Shining and, of course, Halloween. When I heard they were remaking Halloween, I was aprehensive at best. I mean, remake HALLOWEEN?!?! But then I heard that Rob Zombie was doing it. If I trust anyone to make a horror movie these days, it's Rob Zombie. After all, his films House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil Rejects are quite simply the best horror movies since the Scream trilogy. But, still, remake HALLOWEEN!?!?! I don't even think I was this upset about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Anyway, I thought I would be terribly disappointed or terribly impressed. And I was right. First of all, let us discuss my number one pet peeve with modern horror movies (remakes and 'original' ideas (keep in mind I'm using the word original very, very loosely)). The villain does not have to be a 6'10", 300 pound NFL linebacker / pro-wrestler / Amazon warrior to be scary. The thing that makes Michael Myers and Leatherface and even Freddy and Jason scary is the fact that they are just plain crazy evil. It's not that they are super fast and super big and super scary. Now, what was so great about the original Halloween? Well, we are introduced to a little kid who, for no apparent reason, stabs his sister to death. We are given the impression that he's a normal kid from a normal family in a middle class suburban neighborhood. There is no motive, no warning, nothing. The kid just snaps. Nothing motivates this kid to kill. Michael Myers is pure evil. And it's terrifying. The kid never talks again. He spends fifteen years in a little cell, staring at walls, giving no sign of remorse or anger or hatred. He just sits and the only thing left inside him is the evil. (When he escapes, he goes after the only remaining member of his family. Why? We have no fricking idea. And it's terrifying.) While at the psychiatric ward, Michael meets Dr. Loomis, a man who spends his entire life trying to understand Michael. After years and years and years, he comes to the simple conclusion that there is nothing inside Michael but evil. This absolutley shatters his world. His ambition to help people and understand them and find humanity is destroyed. He becomes obssesed with Michael (and doesn't try to cash in by writing a fucking book). Anyway, few movies have captured the feelings of evil, fear, doubt, hopelessness and isolation so well. I don't think Rob Zombie understands any of this. People say: "Keep in mind, this isn't John Carpenter, it's Rob Zombie." I know. Believe me, I know. And I like Rob Zombie a lot (he's no John Carpenter, but who is really?). I knew the movie would be vulgar and violent and filled with sex and loud music and lots of blood and gore and everything else you associate with Rob Zombie. I was prepared for it. I just wasn't prepared to leave the theatre feeling so simply disappointed. Let's take one of the classic horror movies ever and just make a simple little story about an angst ridden kid from a white-trash family who has a stripper for a mother, an abusive and alcoholic stepfather and is bullied at school. Am I surprised that this kid would kill his sister (whole family, whatever)? Not at all. And it doesn't scare me in the least. Then there's the Loomis character. This is what I was most worried about. Who would play Dr. Loomis? No one can come close to the late, great Donald Pleasance. I love Malcolm McDowell and I think he does his best with what he has to work with here. The performance itself is very well done and he's trying to do his best to make Pleasance proud. It's not entirely his fault that his character was turned into a money hungry doctor who authors a book and uses the story of Michael as a cash-cow. Loomis never would have had sympathy for Michael. Their relationship was one of hatred and hopelessness. What I should have worried about more was the casting of Laurie Strode. If Jamie Lee Curtis ever meets Taylor Scout-Compton in a dark alley, I'm pretty sure she'll kick her scrawny little ass. Jamie Lee is the one and only scream queen. Scout-Compton's sorry excuse for acting involves squealing the entire time and turning Laurie into some immature, horny teenager. Laurie was innocent and sweet and you wanted her to make it out alive. I wish Michael would have killed this annoying version of Laurie. It's hard to believe a movie that involves so many cool people (McDowell, Bill Moseley, Danny Trejo, Sheri Moon Zombie, Brad Dourif, Halloween 4 and 5 alum Danielle Harris) could be so disappointing. There are a few interesting things about the movie (little eleven year old Michael murders a nurse with a fork). I also liked the idea that Michael was the main character and not Laurie. Still, by giving us a lame backstory and a 7 foot superhuman monster, this remake takes away all the frights, all the mystery, all the suspense. There's really nothing terrifying about this movie at all.
Grade: D

The Nanny Diaries - This movie is forgettable at best since I saw it two days ago and can barely remember what it's about. Still, it's cute at times (who knew I would like this movie slightly better than Halloween, seriously). Anyway, it stars the too-gorgeous-for-this-movie Scarlett Johansson as a recent college graduate who doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. Does she want to follow her dream and study anthropology or does she want to give into the beast and work in the corporate world? Well, she decides to put everything on hold and become a nanny for rich New York City upper East Side Family. Dad (Paul Giamatti) is a workaholic with a likelihood for pre-marital flings. Mom (Laura Linney) is too busy for her son Grayer. Not busy with work, busy with shopping and spas and planning benefits for kids who are not her own. I've heard the book is witty and provacative. I haven't read it but if that's true, then the movie is a watered down version. There's a sort of whimsical quality to the film (the flying red umbrella... seriously?) that just didn't work at all. If the film was a little more cutting and dark then it would have been a whole lot better. Meanwhile, Scarlet's Annie is in love with the Harvard Hottie (Chris Evans) upstairs but she can't date him because her employers don't approve of dating and she thinks he'd be slumming by dating her (seriously, Scarlett? Fuck you). Anyway, Annie really wants to quit the job but finds herself actually caring about the little brat so she sticks it out for a time for him. Blah, blah, blah. Boring? Yes. The movie was cute... but, from what I've heard about the book, I'm pretty sure that's not what they were going for. The movie can most accurately be described as a wasted opportunity. There's so much talent here. What went wrong? It's more Lifetime movie of the week than anything. And I'm sure I'll completely forget about it in a few weeks.
Grade: D+

Summer Movie Wrap Up (from Memorial Day to Labor Day, from best to worst...)
Bug - A
Superbad - A-
Sicko - B+
Live Free or Die Hard - B+
Hot Rod - B+
Hairspray - B
Evening - B
Stardust - B
Broken English - B-
No Reservations - B-
Hostel: Part II - B-
1408 - C+
Knocked Up - C+
Becoming Jane - C-
The Nanny Diaries - D+
A Mighty Heart - D+
Ocean's 13 - D+
Spiderman 3 - D+
Halloween - D
Transformers - D
Mr. Brooks - D
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - D-
Evan Almighty - D-
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - F
Captivity - F

September Movie Preview
September 7 - I'm pretty excited to see 3:10 to Yuma. I know it's a Western and I hate Westerns but Ben Foster, Christian Bale and Peter Fonda can't do wrong, right? Well, that's debateable, I guess but it's getting solid reviews and so I'm pretty excited. I am not, however, excited for Shoot 'Em Up. Are Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti serious? It looks like the worst kind of action movie. Then there's The Brothers Solomon. You all know that I wish Will Arnett was my boyfriend. I'll see it and I don't really care if it's stupid. Finally there is The Hunting Party. It stars Richard Gere and Terrence Howard and it reminds me of this dream I had one time (except my dream wasn't really about a television crew in a war torn area).

September 14 - I am shaking in anticipation for Across the Universe. Sure it doesn't go wide until the 21st but this could be the best movie of the year. Or a huge mess. We'll see. Then there's In the Valley of Elah. Who suggested that Paul Haggis name his movie that? It sounds awful but is pretty Oscar baity. As the follow up to Crash, there will be a lot of eyes on this movie about trying to find out what really happened to a soldier who disappeared from Iraq. It stars Oscar winners Tommy Lee Jones, Susan Sarandon and Charlize Theron. Jodie Foster also tries to prove that she's not really a serious actress and is a kick-ass action star instead with the revenge flick The Brave One. Could be interesting, actually.

September 21 - My movie star boyfriend Sean Penn takes a detour into director town with a star studded cast (William Hurt and Catherine Keener... it was like this dream I had). The trailer looks great. With a stellar cast, how could it possibly disappoint? Then there's the Oscar hopeful Good Luck Chuck. Dane Cook and Jessica Alba are definitely on my short list. Resident Evil: Extinction may only be the third but it feels like the 30th. Sydney White stars Amanda Bynes so all the little girls will show up, for sure. The Jane Austen Book Club stars Hugh Dancy, so I'll show up, for sure. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford may be the coolest title for a movie ever and I may go just to see Casey Affleck kill Brad Pitt (it's like this dream I had...).

September 28 - The trailer for Feast of Love has been before pretty much every movie I've seen in the last two months. It looks... cute. That blonde haired boy may be my temporary movie star boyfriend (at least until James McAvoy makes his triumphant return to the screen in Atonement in December). The Kingdom stars a bunch of actors who annoy me but everyone else loves. I might pass. Lust, Caution opens in limited release. It is directed by Ang Lee and got an NC-17 rating. I won't pass.

September 29 - The Darjeeling Limited opens in New York City only. That means it won't come to Pennsylvania until, like, November. Dammit!