This is Where I Leave You

It blows my mind that a movie based on a book that is so profound, so brilliant, so almost life - altering can end up being so damn mediocre. But that seems to be were we are with the movie This is Where I Leave You based on the excellent novel by Jonathan Tropper.  It's not bad, per se,  and maybe if I hadn't read and been so moved by the book, I would even have liked it more.

This is Where I Leave You is about the Altman family who sit shiva for the seven days following the death of their father. Of course, they are all angry and lonely and a mess, and all of their past feelings and actions creep back up on them during this week where they are stuck together non-stop.  Jason Bateman plays Judd, the perfect middle son whose got his shit together until he finds out his wife is sleeping with his boss. Corey Stoll plays oldest son Paul, the responsible dickish one who is struggling to have a baby with his baby obsessed wife (who used to be Judd's girlfriend). Tina Fey is daughter Wendy, who has an asshole husband and unresolved feelings for her high school sweetheart (Timothy Olyphant). Youngest brother Phillip (played by a scene stealing Adam Driver) is the mess up of the family who is struggling to get his life together with the help of his much older, rich girlfriend Tracy (Connie Britton). Then there is mom Jane Fonda who has new boobs and a seemingly healthy response to the death of her husband.

Here is the thing. The movie wants to be as good as the book, and it desperately tries to fit 300 pages of action into an hour and 45 minute long movie. It all feels so rushed and jumbled and it feels like we don't even get to really get to know these characters. The script isn't very good and the jokes which are supposed to be funny are mostly just chuckle inducing.  Some of the drama feels cliche,  though it doesn't feel that way in the book at all. Most of the performances are pretty spot on. Bateman is a master at deftly switching between comedic and dramatic moments.  It's only Tina Fey who disappoints.  It seems that she is just in a completely different movie tonally.  If there is one person trying to make this movie better, it is Girls star and future Star Wars guy Adam Driver. He easily has the most fun character and he gives it everything he's got. He is a manic ball of energy,  elevating every scene he is in. It is scene blessing more so than scene stealing. It's just a shame that no one else can keep up with him. It would be a much better movie if anyone else brought the same bottled up intensity.

Overall, maybe the movie is better if you didn't read the book. It's not bad. It is quite heart warming and crowd pleasing and a fine depiction of a dysfunctional family. When the movie is good, it totally sucks you in... it just doesn't stay that good for that long. Mostly if you had the choice between seeing the movie and reading the book, pick the book and thank me later.

Grade: C+

Mini Reviews

I have been slacking lately, and I promise to pick up the pace for all my loyal readers (haha). Anyway, I've seen a few movies this year that I haven't had time to write about so I figured I would write a little something about them before moving on to the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS (read: Godzilla, which is literally the only thing I care about right now).

Endless Love
Stars: Alex Pettyfer, Gabriella Wilde
Plot: A sheltered rich girl falls for a charismatic bad boy and they fall crazy in love with each other. Dance parties, breaking and entering, and burning down houses ensues.
Thoughts: I mean, the movie was decent. There is nothing special about it, but I also seriously didn't mind starring at Alex Pettyfer (he so pretty) for an hour and a half. Plus, he and Wilde had a really sweet chemistry. And she is just about the prettiest girl I've ever seen. And it just occurred to me that the only redeeming qualities this movie had are its pretty stars.
Grade: C-

Bad Words
Stars: Jason Bateman
Plot: A grown man finds a loophole and decides to enter a child's spelling bee. Bateman's character is pretty much the most terrible person that ever walked the face of the Earth as he bad mouths and tortures kids, knocking them out of the tournament one by one.
Thoughts: Hilarious is a good word for it. Bateman, who also directed, knocks it out of the park with this very funny, very dirty, very raw movie. My only concern with it was that it felt really, really long and it was only 90 minutes. FYI: That's a sign of a bad editor. If a movie is short and feels long, you've got a bad editor on your hands. Inversely, if a movie is long and feels short, give that editor an Oscar!
Grade: B

Draft Day
Stars: Kevin Costner, Jennifer Garner, Chadwick Boseman
Plot: A day in the life of the General Manager of the Cleveland Browns as he struggles to make big decision regarding the NFL draft. Unfortunately, no cameos from Johnny Manziel.
Thoughts: I liked this movie, especially the last third of it which is unrealistic but still hugely exciting (and, just so you know, the real draft is not even close to being that exciting). The movie is mostly held together by the endless charms of Kevin Costner. But the strange editing (split scenes, characters walking through said split screens and crossing into a different space) is really off-putting and distracting. Chadwick Boseman absolutely kills it as a hopeful Brown.
Grade: C

Neighbors
Stars: Rose Byrne, Zac Efron, Seth Rogen, Dave Franco
Plot: A Frat moves next door to a pair of new parents who are struggling to grow up and still be cool.
Thoughts: This movie is super funny, if not a little heavy handed. Neighbors sort of assumes that the audience is really stupid, spelling things out for you, like we can't just pick up on the hints that Byrne and Rogen are struggling with not being young or hip anymore, or that Efron is the golden boy who is terrified of the future. They have to hit you over the head with these things, saying them out loud. Still, Neighbors is definitely a good time. Byrne steals the show, and it's really nice to see a comedy that lets the woman actually be funny and not uptight or something. Also, Zac Efron's abs are a thing of beauty and perfection and I almost never want to see another man besides him shirtless ever again. See it for his abs alone!
Grade: B

Fading Gigolo
Stars: John Turturro, Woody Allen
Plot: An aging florist decides to become a gigolo and is pimped out by his neighbor.
Thoughts: Ugh. This movie is dreadful. First of all, if you are blessed enough to have Woody Allen appear in your movie (he hasn't appeared in a movie that he hasn't written/directed in decades), then you should probably give him the script and let him do a once over on the whole thing. The script is absolutely terrible, with characters acting certain ways with no purpose whatsoever. Nothing anyone does in this movie makes any sense whatsoever. It's terrible. Stay away.
Grade: D

Quickies: Contagion, Drive and more!

Win Win - Indie darlings Paul Giamatti and Amy Ryan star as a Midwestern couple who all but adopt a young wrestling prodigy in this charming little film. Giamatti and Ryan are both fantastic in their roles, especially Giamatti who doesn't play necessarily the most likable person in the world. Bobby Cannavale manages to steal every scene he's in, of course. I was expecting just your average indie quirky film but it had a lot more depth and heart that I was expecting. It's definitely worth checking out.
Grade: B-

Contagion - If you think this is just going to be another boring disaster type flick about an epic disease spreading through the world is wrong. This isn't Outbreak. This a great film from director Steven Soderbergh with, probably, the most perfect cast of the year: Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, John Hawkes, Marion Cotillard, Bryan Cranston, Laurence Fishburn. Paltrow goes oversees on a business trip and manages to become infected. When she returns home, she begins to pass the virus to everyone around her. And so it begins. Watch as husbands mourn their cheating dead spouses and struggle to keep their daughter disease free, doctors try to find a cure and trace the beginning, and sleazy journalists try to profit from the whole thing. A great thrilling interesting timely film.
Grade: B

Paul / Your Highness - I could pretty much say the same thing about both of these movies: so much wasted talented!!! Paul is about a couple of nerds leaving Comic Con who discover a real alien and run from the FBI. The wasted comedic talent includes, but is not limited to: Simon Pegg, Kristen Wiig, Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, Jane Lynch and my beloved Landry from Fright Night Lights (a.k.a. Jesse Plemmons). Your Highness is an epic about a stoner knight who goes on a quest with his handsome brother to save his virgin bride from an evil wizard. Not only is it directed by David Gordon Green, the genius who directed All the Real Girls and George Washington, but also it wastes the considerable talents of Natalie Portman, James Franco, Zooey Deschanel and Justin Theroux (and the somewhat lesser talents of Danny McBride). Neither film is funny at all. Both are a huge waste of time and will probably end up on my Worst of the Year list.
Grade: F for both

Drive - This movie has a massive amount of swagger and style from the very first second of the film. You are immediately engrossed in this beautifully filmed story about a stunt car driver for films who finds himself caught up in a crazy world of driving criminals from whatever place they happen to be robbing. And, boy, can he drive. He being Ryan Gosling, who mesmerizes and smolders his way through this film. He's fantastic. As is the supporting cast of Carey Mulligan (who is pretty much Michelle Williams, version 2.0 and that is NOT a bad thing), Bryan Cranston (again!), Ron Perlman and SCENE STEALER EXTRAORDINAIRE Albert Brooks. Seriously, Brooks is sooo damn good, I can't imagine him not being nominated for an Oscar at this point. This movie is simply beautiful, one of the best of the year. It's silent and intense and a great slow burn thriller that goes from zero to extreme violence in the blink of an eye. This movie should not be missed!
Grade: B+

Mini Reviews (Catching Up!)

The Adjustment Bureau - Maybe it's because I was watching it on a loud bus, or maybe the movie really was just stupid (the plot involves secret passageways and magical fedoras - not even kidding), but this movie did not live up to my expectations. I was excited to see this movie - where Matt Damon's senator meets the girl of his dreams (Emily Blunt) but mysterious men (led by the extraordinarily handsome John Slattery) try to keep them apart - but I guess there was a reason it was delayed for so long. The performances were all fine (except Anthony Mackie, who I loved so much in The Hurt Locker, but who was so, so very wooden here). It's just the script was mediocre at best and the plot was just plain silly. Grade: D+

Just Go With It - In the film world, we are led to believe that Adam Sandler could not only land a chick as hot as Brooklyn Decker, but also land a chick as hot as Jennifer Aniston as well. I call bullshit. Sandler plays a plastic surgeon who was once left at the alter and now uses his useless wedding ring to create sob stories and pick up sympathetic women. In other words, he's a total jerk and highly unlikeable and there is no reason in hell why anyone would want him to end up happy in this movie. The characters are all people we don't care about. There's no character development. It's not funny. The writing is bad at best. Then there is the painful "cameo" by Nicole Kidman. I mean, remember the early 2000's when she was the best actress working??? This movie will quickly make you forget all about that. The only saving grace is Jennifer Aniston who is charming and and tries to make the best of a bad situation. Grade: D+

Horrible Bosses - The sexy Jason Bateman, Charlie Day and Jason Sudekis all hate their bosses. And when they are a sexually harassing maneater (Jennifer Aniston), a coke head douche bag (Colin Farrell) and a plain, old jerk (Kevin Spacey), how can you blame them? So, on the advice of a man named Motherfucker Jones (Jamie Foxx), they plan to kill each others bosses so they can live happily ever after in their stuffy office jobs with their nice cars and pretty girlfriends. Suffice it to say, hi jinks ensue! Horrible Bosses isn't terrible by any means. In fact, some parts of it are pretty damn funny. Plus, the trio of bosses, all playing so far against type, are delightful to watch. I wish I could say the same for the entire movie. For as funny as parts of it are, there are as many parts that are painfully boring. It's a little too long and a little too predictable. Plus, I'm growing tired of this whole Hangover effect in comedy. You know, the bromance where none of the characters are all that likable but you are supposed to cheer for them while they do stupid shit anyway. It's getting old. Grade: C+

Beastly - If you are interested in seeing a bunch of pseudo pretty people acting very, very badly, then Beastly just might be for you! A modern telling of Beauty and the Beast, Beastly follows Kyle (Alex Pettyfer), a a pretty boy who is a super jerk but may have some redeeming qualities hidden deep down somewhere. After pissing off a witch (Mary Kate Olsen), she does some magic and makes him as ugly on the outside as he is in the inside. He has a year to break the curse... he just needs to find someone who loves him for who he is. Enter Vanessa Hudgens as a sweet girl with daddy issues. Seriously though, this movie is extremely predictable, horribly written and starring a trio of young stars who simply can not act. The only small ray of light is Neil Patrick Harris who tries to make the most of a blind tutor. His failure isn't his fault at all. (Although he is in the upcoming Smurfs movie and should probably rethink his approach to picking projects or it might effect his Awesomeness.) Grade: D-

Unknown - Okay, so Liam Neeson is a total bad ass and can make even a bad movie totally watchable. I think we are all in agreement about that. In Unknown, he stars as Dr. Martin Harris who arrives in Berlin with his wife (January Jones) to attend a conference. He forgets a bag at the airport and gets in a cab driven by Diane Kruger to retrieve it. Instead, they get into a terrible accident and he loses some of his memories. When he arrives back at the hotel, his wife has no idea who the hell he is and introduces him to her husband... Dr. Martin Harris (Aiden Quinn). I have nothing bad to say about most of the script. The plot is great and there is a wonderful twist ending. Neeson's performance is fantastic. Jones is wooden, as usual. Overall, however, the movie is just a little boring. It could have been 30 minutes shorter, no problem. The sum of the parts is just mediocre. Grade: C

Hancock, Wall E + more

Hancock - Will Smith is perhaps the biggest movie star in the world. He's got more charm and charisma in his left arm than most people have in their whole bodies. It's really a hoot to see him playing a drunken, mean, smart ass superhero. Smith is surrounded by some pretty great co-stars as well. Charlize Theron is beautiful as ever and downright capable of representing for the ladies. And Jason Bateman, well, Jason Bateman is just a master at line delivery. Everything that comes out of his mouth is pitch perfect. Too bad this great cast was only surrounded with half of a good movie. I'm not saying that Hancock is bad, per se. It's just not great either. There are moments of greatness where the movie is genuinely funny or genuinely touching or genuinely action packed. Then there are the moments when it's genuinely boring as hell. The premise is certainly interesting enough - an industructable super hero, the last of his kind, struggles with his own demons (alcohol, self loathing) while trying to help the ungrateful folk of Los Angeles - although the script is largely flawed. The overall idea of the mean spirited and unwilling superhero is enough to sustain the movie for the first half hour or forty minutes or so. However, the end isn't nearly as thought out as it should be and falters greatly. The big surprise twist is neither surprising nor very thought out. There are mind-boggling gaps of logic and the script feels so badly mapped out near the end that it shortchanges what could have been a pretty great movie. That said, it's still worth seeing, if only for Smith and Bateman and their overall awesomeness.
Grade: C

Wall E - Okay. Wall E is pretty adorable. Still, contrary to popular belief, it is not the be all end all of movies. I will admit that the first twenty minutes or so are downright perfection. Wall E is, quite possibly, the most ridiculously adorable star of a movie ever. The scene near the end (let's call it the fire extinguisher dancing scene) is perfection as well. Parts of the movie even managed to melt my black heart. Still, it's really not one of the best movies ever. Maybe it's just me, because I've never been a fan of animated movies in general (even when I was little... I was more interested in Halloween than Cinderella). And Wall E is an intelligent, well done, emotional little movie about the end of the world. It's charming. It's unique. It's beautifully animated. Still, I found it to be lacking eventhough I can't quite put my finger on way. Maybe it's because I'm not a Pixar fan girl. Or maybe it's because of my weariness against animated films. Or possibly it's because I tend to lean more toward the dark side of human nature and stay away from all this gooey sentimental nonsense. Whatever it is, I seem to be in the minority of people who didn't fall head over heels in love with Wall E. Yes, I highly recommend it. Yes, I think it's adorable and sweet and great. No, I don't think it's one of the best movies ever made (like some are saying).
Grade: B
[And possibly I'm being harsh but someone has to balance out all the people heaping praise on this movie.]

The Love Guru - Stay as far away from this movie as humanly possible. There were two good things and exactly two good things about it. 1) Justin Timberlake. Love this guy, for real. 2) The joke about the Morgan Freeman voice over machine. Perhaps I'm the only person who finds it funny though because I not-so-secretly wish Morgan Freeman was narrating my life. Would make things a hell of a lot more interesting.
Grade: D-

Cassandra's Dream - Woody Allen is back! This guy almost never disappoints me. I would seriously recommend anything by him as long as it doesn't have the words 'Jade' or 'Scorpion' in the title. Woody's story about two brothers (Colin Farrell and Ewan McGregor) and their quest for money (different reasons - Farrell has a gambling problem, McGregor needs to impress his new actress girlfriend) which intwines them in a dangerous life. With a shockingly dark ending, Woody is still the king.
Grade: B+

Charlie Bartlett - Anton Yelchin is pretty knockout great in this movie. Robert Downey Jr. is fantastic as well. Overall, it's a pretty smartly written and well acted film. Still, at times it feels like it's trying a little too hard. Still worth checking out though.
Grade: B-

Be Kind Rewind - So uneven it hurts. There are parts of greatness in this movie. The premise itself is pretty great - after an unfortunate incident, all the video tapes at a local store are left blank and the desperate employees are forced to recreate films like Ghostbusters and Rush Hour 2. Mos Def is pretty solid in the lead. Jack Black almost ruins the whole movie for me. Mia Farrow is a goddess. Boring as hell at times.
Grade: C-

Juno, Atonement

Juno - The first 15 minutes or so of Juno are actually quite atrocious. I was almost ready to walk out of the theater, to be honest. Rainn Wilson, in a small cameo role, gives the most ridiculous performance saying the most ridiculous words. Olivia Thirbly as Juno's cheerleader best friend (I'm sorry but why would Juno be best friends with a cheerleader?) is quite possibly the most annoying character ever written in the history of movies. (No, no. There's that annoying guy in a wheelchair in Texas Chainsaw Massacre...). But, she's still uber annoying. Honest to blog. (Shoot me now!). Then there is the ultra hipster language. Screenwriter Diablo Cody has not seemingly written a cool movie. She is trying her absolute hardest to be perceived as cool. And the dialogue is a bit much at first. After 15 minutes, I thought I might be the only person on the planet who disliked Juno. Everyone seems to love it. But it was beginning to look like maybe I was on a different plain than everyone else. Maybe it was like a secret that only I understood. I was the only person in the planet smart enough to not fall under Juno's little spell. But guess what? All the kinks in the movie work themselves out and the other hour and fifteen minutes are hilarious, sweet and just plain great. (Although, I still could have done without the creepy Jason Bateman story line... but whatever). Juno is hilarious. Ellen Page is just perfect. The reason the movie suceeds is mostly because she works magic with the sometimes insane dialogue she is forced to say. But Page makes it work. She should be nominated for an Oscar, hands down. (Right now she is my runner up to win as well... after Julie Christie, of course). Michael Cera makes the world go round. He's responsible for all that is good and pure in the world. I just adore him. He is the teen king of the awkward pause. The best and funniest comic actor of his generation, bar none. Jason Bateman is hilarious as well although, again, he's too bogged down in a weird story line. Still, I love Jason Bateman and so I don't blame him. (I blame Diablo Cody who's script I most certainly did NOT love... although the great actors make it work). Jennifer Garner gives a shockingly beautiful performance. It wouldn't be upset if she somehow slipped into the Best Supporting Actress race (although I doubt it). She's seriously great in this movie. J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney should officially be in every movie. That's how pleasurable it is to watch them. The ending is just perfect as well. It's sweet but not cheesy or corny in the least. So, in the end, Juno is every bit as funny and loveable as everyone says it it. It's definitely worth checking out.

Grade: B+

Atonement - There is a scene in Atonement in which the movie goes from being solid and good to becoming a beautiful masterpiece. It is a single shot - no cuts, no edits - that lasts about 5 minutes and follows solider Robbie Turner (James McAvoy) and his two cohorts across a beach full of soldiers and ships and horses and amusement rides. It entertwines between the three and shows the desperation and hopefulness of the scene. More importantly, it shows that this movie is just simply wonderful. It is a love story of the most epic variety. It starts at a very rich house where a young Briony (Saoirse Ronan) reads a letter and sees something between her older sister Cecilia (Keira Knightley) and Robbie that she doesn't quite understand. She think she does, but she doesn't. She soon tells a lie that completely devastates the lives of all around her. Robbie gets sent to jail and eventually war. Cecilia spends her time as a sort of frozen version of herself, sad and angry. Four years later, Briony (now played by Romola Garai) is busy nursing wounded soldiers instead of serving her time at Oxford to be the writer she was always meant to be. It's her way of repentence. (There is a particularly telling scene with a dying French soldier who is so delirious, he insists that he knows her and she lies again. This time to comfort him.) Years and years later, Briony grows up to be a successful writer (this time Vanessa Redgrave steps in to do fill the role) and who still regrets the lies she tells. I'm not sure the ending is cohesive with the feel of the rest of the movie (I don't want to ruin anything but I will say that it probably works better on the page than the screen). But, except for the odd-feeling ending, Atonement is a masterpiece of filmmaking. It has exceptionally beautiful shots (like the one mentioned before, James McAvoy trekking through a field of red flowers, McAvoy stopping suddenly as the camera pulls back to reveal rows and rows of dead bodies). The images are like artwork, unforgettable and beautiful in its sadness. Is the movie depressing? Absolutely and I wouldn't have it any other way. I've only read about a third of the book so far (ha!) but as far as I can tell the adaptation is just excellent. Then there is the acting. It's just amazing. Knightley is an odd actress. She comes across wooden and frigid in movies like Pirates of the Caribbean. She proved she can really act in Pride and Prejudice and here she even bests that performance. The Briony's are all superb. It's almost difficult to pick a best Briony. The character is vital and so well written and so central to the story. Ronan is a young actress who delivers a performance that is chilling and brilliant. Redgrave is superb even if she only has about 5 minutes of screentime. My personal favorite Briony performance came from Garai. I found it interesting to see the characters transformation from lively, lying young woman to regretful, silent teenager. It may not be as memorable as Ronan's performance (her performance is crucial to the plot development) but I personally find it more effective. Then there is the single stand out of the film. James McAvoy is just excellent. I'm not just saying that because I love him and because his sadly overlooked performance in The Last King of Scotland still sticks firmly in my mind. His performance here is breathtaking. His performance on the beach in Dunkirk is riveting - and he doesn't even have any lines! His character is restrained yet passionate. The scene at Cecilia's flat between Robbie and Briony (Garai) is simply Oscar worthy. McAvoy succeeds in his making his character unambiguously heroic. He conveys his character's basic decency, achieving the difficult task of making him good without making him dull. It's the perfect blend and a simply wonderful performance. Overall, Atonement is just plain wonderful - the script, the storyline, the direction, the cinematography, the score (pianos mixed with the sound of a typewriter) and especially all of those performances.

Grade: A

Coming This Week - Best and Worst Performances, Moments, and Movies!

The Kingdom, Hotel Chevalier, The Condemned

The Kingdom - I was hooked from the opening - a watered down time table of terrorism since the 1930's all told in about 4 minutes. Excellent opening. I wish I could say the same about the entire movie. The Kingdom definitely has its moments of solid, good story telling and filmmaking. Unfortunately, it has its bad moments as well, including a horrible ending. The cast is pretty solid and led by Jamie Foxx who is usually hit or miss for me. This time he's a hit. His character is charming and cocky... two things I'm pretty sure Foxx are as well. So he plays it easily. He's joined by the always wonderful Chris Cooper and the adorable Jennifer Garner. Also starring one of my movie star boyfriends Jason Bateman (let's not even talk about his few final scenes on film... my heart almost couldn't stand it!). Anyway, they go to Saudi Arabia to avenge and investigate the death of a friend even though the government tells them not to go. They aren't met with wide open arms and at first they can do nothing but look at the crime scene - no investigation, no touching of evidence, nothing. Director Peter Berg goes way overboard with the hand-held cameras and quick edits to simulate hyper action. There were way too many close ups where eyeballs took up half the screen. It wants to be Syriana but it's too watered down to be Syriana. Plus, near the end it turns more into a video game than anything else. Even though I was totally invested in the movie from the start, it lost me at the end and left me with a sour feeling. It absolutely feels like an anti-terrorist video game where the government is sent in to kill as many terrorists as possible. Dodging bullets, avoiding rockets, shooting terrorists in the head, frantic gun shots in a hallway. It was a bit much. As a filmmaker Berg could have redeemed himself and his message but instead he took the low road. The movie ends with a nugget of advice being passed down from both the Americans and the Saudis: "Kill all of them." Wonderful message. Still, it wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen. Still, the first half was solid. Still, I love Jason Bateman who is always funny and reliable, no matter how much the material around him sucks.

Grade: C

Hotel Chevalier - There's really not much you can say about a 13 minute short film. You may or may not know that it is the prelude to The Darjeeling Limited. It was written and directed by Wes Anderson and it stars Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman. It's a really wonderful little short that serves to introduce us to one of the main characters of Darjeeling, Jack (Schwartzman), a rich broken hearted man living in a Paris hotel. He's soon joined in his room by his ex-girlfriend (Portman) and they come face to face with their pain and feelings for each other. Anderson says its necessary to see this to understand Darjeeling... I don't really understand why but you should still see it anyway. It's short and sweet and shot beautifully. It's got a great tone, a great soundtrack and great dialogue. There's little actually said but there are a lot of hints at what the story might actually be. It captures a particular feel the way any good short story/film does. It's all pure Anderson - dead pan, melancholy, hurtful. It's like a perfect snapshot of a relationship. Schwartzman's performance is stronger than Portman's but she's still great as well. Plus, she gets mostly nude. I'm sure, if nothing else, that will entice some people to see this short.

Grade: B+

The Condemned - Again, I've seen worse movies. The story follows a rich television producer who decides to branch out and use the internet to show his new endeavor: 10 death row inmates and killers put together on an island. They all must try to kill each other because only one can win... and that person will be set free. It's not a terribly bad idea for a movie actually. Or a reality show. I sort of, kind of feel like I would probably watch it. Anyway, the idea isn't terrible but the execution mostly is. If you are a fan of wrestling or action movies then you'll probably like this movie. It's got a lot of Steve Austin and a lot of fights and action sequences. The movie isn't trying to be Shakespeare or intellectual. The fight scenes are sometimes choppy and hard to see. The plot is predictable. Oh, plus Vinnie Jones is in it and I love him! He's really wonderful even in a movie like this which is mostly crap. It's mostly a waste of time and money. Now, on to the acting. What acting?! Steve Austin should stick to wrestling. Again, Vinnie Jones is the only really doing anything remotely resembling acting. The cinematography is lacking. The violence is extreme and repetitive. Plus the movie is two hours long and it feels like 4, at least.

Grade: D-