Spring Breakers

The biggest problem with Spring Breakers isn't its redundant nature, or even the utter pointlessness of the entire thing, but rather, the fact that it tries too hard. Some movies are shocking, plain and simple. Other movies try too hard to be shocking and just come off as ridiculous or silly. Unfortunately, I think Spring Breakers falls into the latter category.

The film stars a slew of former goodie-two-shoes actresses trying to be taken more seriously as grown ups. Selena Gomez (of Wizards of Waverly Place and dating Justin Bieber fame) is the one who stays truest to her good girl image. She plays Faith, a Christian good girl who basically just wants to have a good time and prance around in her little bikini. There's nothing really wrong with that. Her friends try to be a bad influence on her. Vanessa Hudgens (High School Musical), Ashley Benson (Pretty Little Liars) and Rachel Korine (the director, Harmony Korine's wife) are the ones who try the hardest to break their images. They start the film out by robbing a restaurant at (fake) gun point in order to get money for Spring Break and end the film with Benson and Hudgens having a threeway with a white rapper named Alien (a movie stealing James Franco) before engaging in a pretty crazy shoot out. In between all of this, they smoke weed, do coke, drink tons of beer, and get arrested - all while wearing various bikini's. As far as trashy entertainment goes, the premise of Spring Breakers is fine. But there are other problems.

First of all, the movie is so redundant that it is sort of infuriating. It's like Harmony Korine (who also wrote the brilliant Kids) wrote three pages of dialogue for the movie and then just had his actors repeat the same things over and over. It starts off as a sort of neat ploy - hearing the conversation with a voice over random scenes of debauchery and then seeing the way the convo really plays out - but it gets exhausting after a while. Secondly, the whole movie is sort of pointless. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's trashy. Yes, there are tons of naked chicks in it. But the movie has very little plot development until the last twenty minutes or so. I have two final problems with the film, that sort of go hand in hand. The first is that the movie tries to hard to be shocking when it's really not. And the second is the fact that these actresses are trying very hard to be gritty and dangerous and adult, but they fall very short of their goal.

As I mentioned earlier, Korine also wrote Kids. Kids is a movie that is genuinely shocking. If you haven't seen it, it's the story of a bunch of 12 year olds who are running around New York City doing drugs and spreading AIDS to one another. It's a devastating movie that feels raw and real, maybe because it starred a bunch of unknown actors which just added to the elevated height of realism. Maybe because Korine wrote a great script and director Larry Clark nailed the gritty realism. Spring Breakers wants to be that kind of movie, but it just seems so fake. It's definitely guilty of trying to hard. It wants to be sexy and shocking, but it fails miserably. That could be because of the leading ladies. They are all trying so hard to break free of their good girl images, but they are only sort of trying. They are okay with pretending to smoke weed and frolick around in bikinis, but nudity? Forget it. They leave that to Rachel Korine and an endless amount of extras. So the entire movie just feels like one big experiment in pretending. It just doesn't feel honest.

Of course, it's not without its good points, mainly James Franco and his hilarious and over the top white rapper, who loves guns, girls, cars and playing Britney Spears on the piano. Franco is truly a joy to watch as he delves deeper and deeper into this new found career he has of doing the most bizarre things he can think of or find.

It seems like I'm the only one who didn't enjoy Spring Breakers, however. It's getting rave reviews. I guess I can see a sort of trashy joy in watching three hot girls in bikinis and ski masks dance around with machine guns while Franco plays and sings Spears on the piano. It is sort of fun in a ridiculous way. It's not like I was expecting Spring Breakers to be some sort of revolutionary experience or anything. I was just hoping to find a bit more (or any) depth.

Grade: D+

Mini Reviews (Catching Up!)

The Adjustment Bureau - Maybe it's because I was watching it on a loud bus, or maybe the movie really was just stupid (the plot involves secret passageways and magical fedoras - not even kidding), but this movie did not live up to my expectations. I was excited to see this movie - where Matt Damon's senator meets the girl of his dreams (Emily Blunt) but mysterious men (led by the extraordinarily handsome John Slattery) try to keep them apart - but I guess there was a reason it was delayed for so long. The performances were all fine (except Anthony Mackie, who I loved so much in The Hurt Locker, but who was so, so very wooden here). It's just the script was mediocre at best and the plot was just plain silly. Grade: D+

Just Go With It - In the film world, we are led to believe that Adam Sandler could not only land a chick as hot as Brooklyn Decker, but also land a chick as hot as Jennifer Aniston as well. I call bullshit. Sandler plays a plastic surgeon who was once left at the alter and now uses his useless wedding ring to create sob stories and pick up sympathetic women. In other words, he's a total jerk and highly unlikeable and there is no reason in hell why anyone would want him to end up happy in this movie. The characters are all people we don't care about. There's no character development. It's not funny. The writing is bad at best. Then there is the painful "cameo" by Nicole Kidman. I mean, remember the early 2000's when she was the best actress working??? This movie will quickly make you forget all about that. The only saving grace is Jennifer Aniston who is charming and and tries to make the best of a bad situation. Grade: D+

Horrible Bosses - The sexy Jason Bateman, Charlie Day and Jason Sudekis all hate their bosses. And when they are a sexually harassing maneater (Jennifer Aniston), a coke head douche bag (Colin Farrell) and a plain, old jerk (Kevin Spacey), how can you blame them? So, on the advice of a man named Motherfucker Jones (Jamie Foxx), they plan to kill each others bosses so they can live happily ever after in their stuffy office jobs with their nice cars and pretty girlfriends. Suffice it to say, hi jinks ensue! Horrible Bosses isn't terrible by any means. In fact, some parts of it are pretty damn funny. Plus, the trio of bosses, all playing so far against type, are delightful to watch. I wish I could say the same for the entire movie. For as funny as parts of it are, there are as many parts that are painfully boring. It's a little too long and a little too predictable. Plus, I'm growing tired of this whole Hangover effect in comedy. You know, the bromance where none of the characters are all that likable but you are supposed to cheer for them while they do stupid shit anyway. It's getting old. Grade: C+

Beastly - If you are interested in seeing a bunch of pseudo pretty people acting very, very badly, then Beastly just might be for you! A modern telling of Beauty and the Beast, Beastly follows Kyle (Alex Pettyfer), a a pretty boy who is a super jerk but may have some redeeming qualities hidden deep down somewhere. After pissing off a witch (Mary Kate Olsen), she does some magic and makes him as ugly on the outside as he is in the inside. He has a year to break the curse... he just needs to find someone who loves him for who he is. Enter Vanessa Hudgens as a sweet girl with daddy issues. Seriously though, this movie is extremely predictable, horribly written and starring a trio of young stars who simply can not act. The only small ray of light is Neil Patrick Harris who tries to make the most of a blind tutor. His failure isn't his fault at all. (Although he is in the upcoming Smurfs movie and should probably rethink his approach to picking projects or it might effect his Awesomeness.) Grade: D-

Unknown - Okay, so Liam Neeson is a total bad ass and can make even a bad movie totally watchable. I think we are all in agreement about that. In Unknown, he stars as Dr. Martin Harris who arrives in Berlin with his wife (January Jones) to attend a conference. He forgets a bag at the airport and gets in a cab driven by Diane Kruger to retrieve it. Instead, they get into a terrible accident and he loses some of his memories. When he arrives back at the hotel, his wife has no idea who the hell he is and introduces him to her husband... Dr. Martin Harris (Aiden Quinn). I have nothing bad to say about most of the script. The plot is great and there is a wonderful twist ending. Neeson's performance is fantastic. Jones is wooden, as usual. Overall, however, the movie is just a little boring. It could have been 30 minutes shorter, no problem. The sum of the parts is just mediocre. Grade: C

Sucker Punch

I know movies with the word "Suck" in the title are ripe for certain kinds of jokes, but I'm sure that's already been done for this particular film so I'm going to stay away from such generalities. Still, Sucker Punch is not good. With director Zack Snyder on board, I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting. I was sort of ambivilant about his first project, 300. It was fun, I guess, but nothing revolutionary. I hated Watchmen. I think Sucker Punch is at least as bad, if not worse than, Watchmen. And now I am very scared that he is in charge of rebooting the Superman franchise. During the two hours of this movie, all I kept thinking was, "Poor Henry Cavill." He thinks he is finally getting his big break, about to portray one of the most legendary superheroes of all time... and Zack Snyder is totally going to mess it up.

Anyway, back to Sucker Punch. First things first, it's not all bad. There were a couple performances that I'd like to single out as being pretty damn good. I've been on the fence about Abbie Cornish for quite some time now. I've seen her be very, very good in certain movies (Bright Star, Somersault, Stop Loss) but there's something about her that I don't quite like. I could never decide if I like her or not. Now I can say that I do. She's the best thing about a bad movie. Her performance is so layered and complex and it's really a joy to watch. Plus, she is the most ass-kicking of all the bad ass girls in the movie. Then there is Oscar Isaac as Blue, an actor I'm not at all familiar with but who completely wowed me with his volatile villainous turn. He's simply fantastic and I really wish the movie was better so it could be a vehicle for him to get better and bigger roles. Sadly, he's overshadowed by silly effects and bad writing. Jena Malone is also quite good in a rather limiting role. Another plus was the soundtrack. I loved the soundtrack. I can't say enough good things about the soundtrack. From the eerie opening version of Sweet Dreams, to the soaring crescendo of White Rabbit, the soundtrack fricking rocks! But, as far as good things go, that's where I've got to stop being positive, because the bad definitely outweighs the good.

Look, I'm all about movies that empower women. I'm all about the message of this movie which, I guess, is something like "You have all the tools to fight and free yourself from whatever it is that is holding you back. Take control of your life." The message is FANTASTIC. It's just, there seems to be a degrading sub-message that includes insinuating that you can only do that if you wear thigh highs, heels, cute mini skirts and a lot of eye makeup. I'm not sure the movie is sending the right message at all to young girls who might see these bad ass babes and think, "Okay, let me go buy a skimpy body suit and a push up bra and I can fight monsters too." And believe me, I know this movie is aimed at a certain demographic who enjoys that sort of thing and that's fine. It's also fine that a certain demographic will enjoy the slow-mo camera work that Snyder has already done to death (it would be a revolutionary form of camera work if he were to ever actually make a GOOD movie with his skills), the action scenes (that, I guess, were pretty good), and the incredible (and overpowering) CGI. I mean, the whole movie is practicially CGI. It's not necessarily that this is such a bad thing, per se, but when it plays off less like a movie and more like a series of splashy music videos, then we've got a major problem.

Even more of a major problem? There is no cohesive plot! I mean, I guess there is a plot. Yes, one exists. It's just that it's... stupid. I can't really think of a better word to describe it. Emily Browning (pouty lipped, cute and just fine in the role) plays Babydoll, a girl whose mother dies and then she is taken to Lennox House for the mentally insane by her awful step father. There she escapes reality via dancing seductively for high paying men and has to fight monsters / steal objects in order to escape and find freedom. She is joined by her ridiculously named friends Sweet Pea (Cornish), Rocket (Malone), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens, who is far too precious to play tough), and the normally named Amber (Jamie Chung, somehow the most successful alumni of the Real World, even though there are surely more talented people to come out of that show). So, there is, indeed, a plot. The existence of everything in this movie relates soley to the visuals. Zack Snyder thinks it would be awesome if there was a fight scene with World War I fight planes and dragons and zombie Nazis, so be it! Let's do it! Who cares if it connects to the "plot" in the clunkiest, sloppiest, silliest way possible. People are paying for the visuals, I guess, not an actual story line. All of these things - dragons, zombies, Nazis, ancient ninja warriors, stripper / hookers, hot girls in Sailor Moon outfits, bombs, Samurai swords - sure seem like it would be fun if you rolled it all up and put it in a movie. Instead, it's just silly nonsense.

I could go on, believe me, I could, but I think by now everyone gets the point. If you are going to see this movie, make sure you are fully aware that it's going to be nothing more than a visual orgasm. If you are looking for a movie with any substance whatsoever, any real honest to God PLOT, then please go see The Lincoln Lawyer instead. Abbie Cornish and Oscar Isaac are GREAT, but even they can't save a movie that is buried under overwhelming and nonsensical effects, bad writing and just... silliness.

Grade: D